Issues of the past I cant let go.

[William Scott]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. There are three issues that are keeping me from asking the question. One, she keeps love letters and pictures of her ex. Two, she keep wearing the diamond earrings he gave her inwhich she lied in the first place saying she bought them then later came clean. Third, the still has the diamond he gave her which she claimed she gave back. Dont ask how I found it.

Question...Do I have a right....a mature male to be pissed at her for not telling me and keep these items when I clearly expressed and prove to her that my past is the past and I dont keep anything.

I would like to hear from the ladies. Is it right to lie about not keeping the diamond ring. Do I have a right not to trust her?

[CalistaClap]

If she lied to you, you have every right to be upset.

I have earring that my ex gave to me that I still plan on wearing. I like them. I dispise him. But the earrings are fine. Just because he gave them to me doens't mean that I am going th throw them away because we are no longer together.

I don't think that she should have to get rid of them. BUt I also don't think that she should have lied.

As for "the diomond" mentioned above, is it an egagment ring? If so, her keeping it is one thing, and wearing it is another. That I don't agree with. I also think it's wrong to keep the letters, why would she want to?

If you are having ANY doubts about her at all, I would postpone popping THE question. You shouldn't have doubts about your finacee or wife.

Tell her how uncomfortable they make you feel.

[Rich]

A good question to ask her is why she feels the need to hold onto the love letters? Was he her first love? If he was, then she'll probably keep them. Women are emotionally attached like that.

As for the ring, if it is a ring, maybe suggest that she get that made into a pendant or something. My wife wearing my diamind ring and her ex would bother me. It should bother her.

Diamonds can be made into other jewelry. Just an option to consider.

Rich

[inquisitive]

For me, I kept my ex bf's letters, pics, gifts etc. for probably just over a year into my current relationship. I didn't look at the pics, read the letters, etc. but I didn't want to get rid of them (he was my first bf, went to prom 2gether etc.) My So brought this up a couple of times, but I still didn't get rid of them. The last time he brought it up I kind of just ignored him but when I was home by myself I went and looked at the pics and letters and realized I didn't want them anymore. I threw them all out. Then it was very easy to do. It did take a while into our relationship though.

I still feel guilty looking at one stuffed toy that I have that he bought me but my SO doesn't know so it sits out. I'm going to get rid of it when we move again and he won't even notice. Then pretty much everything will be gone. The one thing I won't get rid of is our prom picture. Prom was about more than him. So she may have reasons for keeping this stuff. Have you asked her why? Not everyone just gets rid of their past as soon as they are in a new relationship. If her relationship didn't end badly she may not have reason to just forget.

That being said she shouldn't have lied about it because that's about trust. With the ring. I gave that away as soon as we broke up because it meant something important in our relationship that wasn't there anymore (the ring the ex gave me). thats just me though.

[eightball61]

I have to agree about her lieing and you having the right to be upset. Sure we have things from the past that we keep as rememberance of something but when dealing with a new relationship those things should be stored in a shoebox.

Together you both are one and need to work together as one. She sees it right in her eyes and you see it wrong in yours. You need to compromise the situation and see what fits best. This is something not to break up over but if she cant compromise no then it make it very hard in marriage.

[William Scott]

Thanks ladies and gentlemen with all of your great comments. I myself consider myself to be expert or close to it on subjects of relationships. I have alot of people who come to me with their problems. Isnt it funny when it boils down to a personal problem we often forget all we have conciled to others and look for help? The mind is somethings to strange.

On this subject I truly asked myself is she the one? She doesnt drink, go out every weekend or any weekend. She would rather spend that time with her child and I. She is a great woman but there are trust issues on both sides. I am a person who adapts to my surroundings or with people. One of my greatest faults in my personal life is not trusting people. This come from being a cop for 2 years and having alot of BAD relationships.

I finally asked to talk with her to address this issues after 8pm. We wraped up the converstaion around 3am this morning. She agree it was time for all the old love letters and pics of exs to meet MR. trashcan. The ear ring deal I have listen to your comments which made a world of sense and express to her that its ok with me and longer bothers me for for her to wear them. She went though hell with that guy, she ended up having his kid for him to only be there on the day of the birth and never return. I felt that would bring up old hurt feelings but I will let that ride. I should give her more credit for the strong woman she is. I personally couldnt do that because I find the past to hurtful and I burn bridges to keep the past from interfering with my future. You all know when and ex decides to come back into you life and the hell it brings. The past is the past and I want to keep it that way. She has somewhat understand what I meant by that.

The ring, alhhhhh the ring. I may have jumped the gun but then I am not sure. She calmly mention that her aunt gave her that when she died. *roll eyes* Now ladies and gentleman. I have heard that before..many many times. Dont know what to do about that one. I want to just drop it and forget about it but when you hear the same stuff over and over from different people isnt that hard to swallow?

What yall think?

THanks for your time.

[William Scott]

Oh yes, the diamond ring mention looks to be a engagment ring. I dont know why but she accepted his ring while they were together. He was very controling and abusive mind and body. I asked her did she give the ring back and she said yes. But I must take in account she lied about the diamond earrings earlier. Uhmm toughy.

[eightball61]

Sure forgetting about is the only option but she has to compromise with you some and you both need to work together. Like I said before, if she can't compromise now its going to get harder in the futrure.

[Rich]

In life you just have to go with your heart and to trust it.

We also sometimes make mountains out of mole hills and that's not right. Ask yourself if a year or two from now will this issue be a concern. Will it matter? Will you still care about it? If the answer is no...then let it go.

Like the book says, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.

Being a cop is good and bad. You hear and see all and you become cold to it. Your trust factor is low because you get to not trust anyone at first anymore.

As a cop it's hard to separate your person from professional life. It's an issue that you always need to be aware of and cognizant of. Your wife..or the woman than might become your wife, should be at least the one person in this life that you have total trust with.

Go with your heart and good luck.

Rich

[William Scott]

Well for you being in Law Enforcement, you understand me about people and trust. When you have to go though 12 hour shifts of people trying to lie and get away with things you began to think you are pretty good in determining someone telling the truth. Eventhough I have exited LE....I still use the tools I learn with people in my everyday life. I just hope I have found a good one that will prove me wrong. I am about 90% convinced she is a very good woman. I guess the rest 10% is me allowing her in like you suggested. Sir, thank you for protecting your community, I know all to well how public safety officers never hear the words..thank you. The public just doesnt know what the men and women of the fire, police and EMS have to go though every minute while they are on call. Let them stand in your shoes for just one minute while you sweep though a drug house to rid their communty of a drug dealer. Lets just say I will never forget what I went though as a badge. It has made me stronger. Thank you.

[Rich]

Willaim-

Sorry. I guess my response was a bit confusing. I am not in law enforcement, but I agree with your feelings on those folks.

When I said being a cop, I was referring to you. From your post I infered thought you were a cop. Sorry.

Sounds like you have your head on straight. Just trust your gut, it got you where you are today.

Rich

[William Scott]

I overlook things sometimes. Sorry. lol Thanks for your encouragement. I guess its time to get back to work.

Yall have a good day..God bless!

[eightball61]

I overlook things sometimes. Sorry. lol Thanks for your encouragement. I guess its time to get back to work.

Yall have a good day..God bless!


Dont leave us for good you hear :rolleyes: