i don't know what to do :(

[Bert]

me and my girlfriend have been together now for 2 and a half years.

i love her to bits, we get on really great, hardly argue and have fun together.

in september i was sacked from my job which was near my girlfriends area which beforehand was good for seeing her.

2 months on though i've only just got a new job but in my own area about 20 miles away from my gf.

the last few weeks though i've felt really down about things, the thing i am most concerned with though is the 'ual' side of things, i just don't feel attracted to her in that way at the moment, i do fancy her but i don't feel like having with her or being intimate with her.

i'm really depressed as i don't know whether this is because of my change in circumstances, as when i got sacked it hit me pretty hard as i enjoyed my job and it was good money, or something else and a sign the relationship should end.

i don't know what to do?:( :( :(

[coach]

It sounds as if your recent experience was a blow to your self-esteem - that and the depression that you mention could well have caused a loss of libido.

If you love your g/f then stick with it, and you will probably find that it returns in time.

Tell her how much you love her and explain how you are feeling.

This link is worth a look:-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/_and_ual_health/probs_goneoff.shtml

[Bert]

Thanks for the reply,

During my period of unemployment i sat around the house all day long and i suppose i got low through that and started to over-think about things that maybe were ok in the first place.

[Bert]

I believe also perhaps going into too much detail here, i had alot of time off and was bored alot of the time and found that i d far more often than i normally would have.

would that have an effect on my libido?

[coach]

i d far more often than i normally would have.

would that have an effect on my libido?

No

Do you take any drugs, or drink heavily?

Is your general health Ok?

[Howard]

Probably some certain situations will affect the way you think.Within time,your libido will be back to normal.Could it be possible that maybe you need some time off for a little while until your libido comes back?:confused:

[Bert]

Healthwise i'm pretty much fine.

I hope/believe that its been down to the stress of the last few months, i'm going over to see her after work tonight a good sign is that i can't wait!

[coach]

Learning to relax can be very helpful, but it takes time. If you spend 30 minutes each day going through the same exercises you should feel a little benefit in about two weeks. Then if you carry on with them on a daily basis you will get better at it and feel even more benefit.

There are lots of audiotapes on the market and google will find a range of sites if you use 'autogenics' and 'meditation'.

A routine which involves going through your muscle sets (as the link below) followed by some visualisation to relax your mind is often very productive.

http://www.pmhtglos.org.uk/relax.htm

It's pretty easy to create your own visualisations, just remember a time when you were relaxed and happy and explore the image with all your senses.

So if it was lying on a beach: feel the warm sun shining down on your skin and the comfort of the sand beneath you, hear any sounds that were there, perhaps the lapping of waves on the beach, the sound of gulls maybe, smell the sea, you might even recall a taste that goes with this image, it could be an ice-cream or a drink that you had.

The idea is that you learn to take control of your mind and put it in a state of calm and harmony. When you sleep, your mind and body is not necessarily in a relaxed state. More here:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2725487.stm

If your g/f is understanding about this, taking things slow can help. Mutual massage can be very relaxing, particularly if there is no expectation that it will lead to . If you are suffering with stress, thinking about can produce performance anxiety which just adds to the problem.

As Mae West said: "If a things worth doing, it's worth doing slowly".

So give yourself time; once you stop thinking and worrying about it, you may find the problem just disappears.

[Howard]

Healthwise i'm pretty much fine.

I hope/believe that its been down to the stress of the last few months, i'm going over to see her after work tonight a good sign is that i can't wait!


What kind of stress have you been having Bert?:confused: