I'm going through too much

[Tida]

It's almost to the point where I cannot function.
There is a laundry list of things that I have been going through. The last straw was my boyfriend breaking up with me.

I cannot handle all this stress on my own. I have lost my most supportive person in my worst time of need.

My family was robbed by gunpoint and my sister was pistol whipped and raped. The aftermat of the robbery has lead to some financial problems. My grandmother is dying, and due to the recent ice and snow, a tree fell through the roof of the house.

I needed the support of my boyfriend who lives in San Diego (I live in Atlanta) So I hopped on a plane to surpise visit him and seek his comfort. Instead, I was greeted with shock and lack of affection. When I finally asked him, by the end of the night, why he wasn't so happy to see me. He told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I had to face a week in San Diego, in our apartment, just being friends. It was torture.

This is the first time in my life where I cannot see the optimistic side. I've always tried to find some way to keep my head up and go on strong. But this time it's just too much. I simply want to dissappear from this world and feel nothing. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to stress. I don't want to cry.

There are millions of people out there far worse than what I am going through. But at this point, I don't care. I can't stop myself from thinking negative thoughts and reliving past events. I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do.

[Tida]

I also forgot to mention that, come May, I must go back to San Diego. We both have signed a lease until November. I have to stay there with him until November as roomates? I cannot do this. Neither of us can financially afford to break lease, move furniture, and find a new home at the same time.

[CalistaClap]

Altough I don't have much advise to offer you, I want to let you know that you are not alone. I too was dumped in my time of need. This is what happened:

Basically it has been going on since last June. My mother found out she has cancer & my grandmother was sick, then a few days after my b/f decided to tell me that he cheated. I decided to stay with him, basically becuase I didn't want to have to face loosing him as well. That was SO diffucult dealing with both at once, and I don't think that I stopped crying for a month.

Then we broke up in Oct, because he "didn't know if he could stay faithful", and then changed his mind, so I took him back, (my mother was still going through treatment).

December I found out that after he intially cheated in JUne, and while I was still crying day after day about that and my mother, he was trying to cheat on me again, but he cried and cried, telling me how sorry he was, and that he would never do anything like that again, and he couldn't face being without me. So I was gullable and believed him. This happened over CHristmas, so put to it lightly, it wasn't a joyful Christmas.

Then about 2 weeks ago, my mother found another lump (meaning that her cancer may be back and her treatments didn't work), so I called him very upset and scared, asking if I could come out and see him. I get faced with his cold cruel side, "no you can't come out", "I'm not sure if I want to be with you", and many snarky sarcastic remarks. So that was kicking one when one was down. THen a few days later he ended it, blaming it on me not paying enough attention to him (????), and told me to come get my things. I told him I wanted my cats from our house (they were like my children), and just a couple other thing, and he could have the rest (I furnished the house)and he said ok.

Then on top of all that I found out the reason why all this happened (after he blamed it all on me...while I was going through a family crisis) was because he had been sleeping with one of my friends little sisters (who is 17, and he is 26!). He moved her in before I even for my things out, and slept with her on my bed.

The day I went to get my things, and my cats, he actually took them with him when he left the house, so I couldn't have them.

So I understand how you are probably in shock as to how one person can be so cruel to another. My thing was he would so something, then beg me over and over and over again to give him another chance because he never wanted to hurt me again, especially after he seen what it did to me this time. So I did. I seen how "upset" he was, and would give in and believe him that he would never put me through such hell again, only to end up with the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. He robbed me of my dignaty, self esteem, and my pets.

People will tell you to just not think about it, and it will take time to get over, and that's true. But it's harder to do that when you've been treated so cruely by someone who used to treat you so good. I've never ever imagined that anyone out there was capable of being to cold to one person, and I"m sure you are probably thinking the same thing.

[eightball61]

My GF once told me once you hit rock bottom things will get better because it cant get worse. With that said, we all go through rough times in life. It seems like the rought comes out all in one bang. A lot of times it too much for one person to handle. Try exploring the idea of counseling so you have someone that can help you close to guide you through this roughness.

You have us but having the support one on one can have a better effect. Its sad to see how this all works and my best advise is that that you will pull out of this. It may take sometime to do but you will pull out of it.

[Rich]

The honest truth here is that you have choices.

You can give up and kill yourself. Or you can not give up and work to over come your adversity.

What one do you want?

I for one hope that you chose the second option.

You can wallow in self pity and sink deeper into depression or you can realize that what you're going through is a down period in your life but that it will soon change.

Life is all about cycles. Day to night. High tide to low tide. There's a yin and a yang to all things. What you're going through right now is a low period. All low periods are followed by high periods. It's just how life works.

I say to get yourself together and work to change your life around. It will happen.

In another response on this forum I said that when it comes to relationships, that when someone says that they NEED someone, that it shows a lack of something in that person. It's obvious that when you say that you need someone to help you survive or to get through, that you're lacking within.

You might not like to hear that, but that's the truth. Look within and see what it is that you depend on other people to give to you and work to provide that to yourself. A dependancy on people will most always lead to a let down. If you don't want to be let down, then lessen your dependancy on others.

Want to be with someone. Don't need to be with someone.

So pick yourself up and go take charge of your life. Yes, you and your family have been through a rough period, but all people have issues and you're not alone. At some point you need to move past the "poor old me" feelings take charge. Don't give up!

Please don't take this the wrong way as I mean no harm to you. I just want you to take charge of your life and to bring your own good fortune.

Rich

[Tida]

You're right Rich, I don't need anyone. All I can depend on is myself. Before I was in this particular relationship, I enjoyed being alone. My past relationships came and went and I felt hurt at first, but moved on. I didn't care about anyone as much as I care about him.

It's not that I need him. I just want him. I want him so badly. I have never wanted anyone as badly as this. I enjoyed being a part of him. He was and still is so beautiful in so many ways. He felt the same way about me. For 2 years we were happy.

Now he loves me, but isn't IN LOVE with me. He WANTS to be in love with me, but can no longer feel it. How can that change in just 3 weeks. I don't want to beleive it. I guess mostly because I'm in denial, but partly because he couldn't say "i'm not in love with you anymore" to my face. He couldn't look me in the eyes and say it; even after I asked him to.

All the other trauma that's happening on the outside of this relationship became harder to deal with because I got used to the comfort and prescense of a man who cherished me.

[eightball61]

Don't depend on his words saying he loves you because that will just confuse you more.

[Rich]

Tida...somethings not right and I don't mean his bi-polarness.

It's very odd that he can go from being in love with you to loving you with not being in love. Usually when that happens it's comes about over a long period of time from just a steady decline in the relationship. Where people aren't intimate as much, fighting more and more and just getting on each others nerves.

It doesn't sound like this is from his being bi-polar. Me thinks there's something more that's not being said on his part.

But you know what? Either way, you can't force someone to be with you that doesn't want to be there. So feel the hurt and disappointment, because it does hurt to be rejected by someone that we care (d) about, then put it aside, know that somehow it's for the better and move on. You'll find that love that you're looking for.

Good luck,

Rich

[iggydoll]

Hi Tita: I have to ask you this, why are you going back to be tortured, just because you signed a lease. It sounds like you want to stay there with him, hoping in the back of your mind that things will work out between you 2. You have already experienced how it will be with him. He flat out told you that he didn't want to be with you anymore. Don't go back to I think you said San Diego. Make a life right where you are now. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and MOVE ON. Time will heal you. Don't torture yourself anymore with him. Brighter days are in your near future, I KNOW THIS. move on, okay? :)
melinda