what is he trying to say?? help!IM PREGNANT

[stacep]

im 21 im pregnant by the guy ive been "seeing" because i always say no wen he asks me out for some reaon he wants to get married before the baby comes but i dont want to yet. hes almost 23 but goes to school 6 hrs away from me so we rarely see eacother but wen we do i couldnt be happier. we both have almost a yr of school left and him for his masters so im not worried about the financial problems for the baby, just the future of the relationship.
he says he cares about me alot but how could he marry me if he doesnt love me? he keeps insisting that i love him but i dont yet. why does he keep insisting that i do?? does he want me to say it so
he can say it back or what? im confused cuz he said he wants to be w me forever. HELP i need advice

[eightball61]

Your very undecided at this point and its clearly seen here. Your main focus though is whats going to be best for you and the baby. If you are not ready to marry yet then make that choice and let it be known. It seems like he really needs someone to love him and he wants that from you.

The other thing is are you going to keep the child?

You talk some about finacial concerns and there will be some. If you both get married before the child comes then there will be more finanial concern there. It will be hard finishing school with a child but can be done. You may have to take some time off but you can go back once the baby is old enough to go to a day care.

[Rich]

Stacep-

My blessings to you in this turbulent time. You have quite a bit on your plate and things are going to happen whether you want them to or not. Decisions need to be made, quickly.

1st- Do you want to keep this baby?

Your answer here is THE most important one. If the answer is no, then you have adoption and abortion as your two options. The are so many feelings and emotions about both, but you need to do what YOU feel is the right decision and not beat yourself up.

If you want to keep the baby, then you need to figure out how you'll support and take care of the baby. Babies are for life and it is not a game! Babies are also A LOT of work and it will be ALL ON YOU if you decide to keep it. I'm sure that you might have family that might help, or this guy, but you can't 100% count on that. When making the decision about whether to keep the baby or not, assume ALL the responsibility and caring will be by you. Peoples offers of support and help isn't guaranteed and 100%. Keep that in mind.

About your relationship. You need to decide if you love this guy or you don't. Getting married just for the baby's sake will not make this marriage last nor be a happy one. Either you have that spark / flame or special something for this guy that will hold you together during tough times, or you don't. It won't magically appear one day, if it isn't there now, sorry. And you will have tough times. Every marriage does. Will your marriage fall apart at the first set of rapids? If it does, now the baby (or small child depending how far down the road) has divorce and separation anxiety to now deal with.

Either way, you have some tough choices to make and you have to make them soon. If you want an abortion, you can't do it past a certain week in your pregnancy, so decide quickly.

Adoption is a great option as it doesn't kill the baby and the baby will go to a loving family that can properly provide for it, if in your heart you know that you just can't do it yet. You'll make a couple, that can't have children, very happy. They will give and provide all that you can't to this baby.

Right now you can't have regrets and think, whoa is me. Why me? You played with fire and got burned. What's happened has happened and reality is here. Deal with it maturely and straight on.

Depending on family feelings, your feelings, you BF's feelings, his family's feelings, the laws in your state and so many other factors, you have some tough, trying times ahead. Also know that your body will change and your emotional state will vary week to week as the pregnancy progresses. Don't procrastinate, make decisions now while you're still in a somewhat less cluttered state of mind.

If you do decide to keep the baby, know that it is for life and that your life becomes secondary to it. All your energies will go into raising that child. And just know that even though raising a healthy, normal and well adjusted child is rewarding, that it isn't all fairy tales nor what you see on TV. It's going to be the most challenging and stressful time of your life.

There will be times that you will feel overwhelmed and just want to scream, punch a wall or just give up. It isn't all roses and will be hard on you no matter what choice you pick.

If you marry this guy without loving him, just to have a " normal family" for the baby, you will be unhappy and that will add to your emotional state while raising the baby.

If you decide to keep the baby and go it alone, then you will feel stressed out doing it all by yourself and that will be added to all the responsibilities that you'll incur. And if you like sleep, don't plan on getting normal sleep or solid hours from about 8 months of pregnancy through the first six months of the babies life. And if the baby happen to be colicky, it'll cry constantly for about the first year of its life. Talk about being stessed out and feeling at the end of your rope. I couldn't imagine doing that alone.

Either way, you have some tough choices ahead and I wish you luck.

Hopefully, Wickedpixie can add to this discussion. She's a single mom with a 5 year old and she can tell you of her experience and what she went through.

Good luck,

Rich

[stacep]

Yes we are keeping the baby, he is not scared at all he has 6 neices! so no doubt in my mind he will be a good father. adoption would never cross my mind. there are really no financial worries because he will be w a masters degree next december and i am currently working as a medical coder pt time making almost 30,000 yr at 21. plus both of our parents are well off and will make sure until we are stable enough to do this ourselves, that our baby is raised in the right environment. I HAVENT EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM JUST WANTING SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM!! -- GOOD THINKING. i just want to mean it wen i say it so i'm not gonna throw thta out there yet. we will see over time. thank you all

[CalistaClap]

If your not ready to get married....don't.