easeonby
12-16-2006, 09:21 PM
I am a married woman and I did something wrong out of I believe lack of attention in my marriage. I met a man 10 years older than myself, very handsome and muscular. I wanted him from the first time I seen him. Almost a year later by me persuing him in different avenues we got together. We started talking at the gym we go too, I followed him there and joined, and we started emailing each other. I started flirted with him at parties in front of my husband and his girlfriend at the time. After a Christmas party we email each other and hinted about having a affair. We started to meet outside the gym and at different places to kiss and fondle each other. We also started having phone , then we went to a motel and had . It was great, I never had the passion and intimacy with a man like that before. was very good for both of us. I then realised that I was missing that in my marriage. My husband and I went on vacation to reconnect but I was more interested in the other man. I was calling him from my vacation instead of working on my marriage. When we returned home I got back together on a regular basis with my lover. I eventually got caught by my husband by him tracking my cell phone, my girlfriend told me not to use it but I did not listen. All hell broke loose and I was verbally abused for weeks about my actions. I told him that there was no involved, it was just emotional. I think he believes it or he wants to. To make matters worse, he knows the man I was seeing and was very upset over that. I filed for divorice and continued with my lover. My husband pleaded with me to come back and he forgave me for what I did. I desided to try to reconsile my marriage. Now I have hurt my husband, hurt the other man that I love, hurt my family. I was told not to have any contact with the man I love if I was going to fix the marriage., I agreed. I continued contact for 3 monts with him, I had also seen him twice and had once in the last part of the 3 months. I dont know what I am doing, my conselor told me to break it off 100% percent if I am going to fix my marriage. I have lied to husband and I am not sure if I doing the right thing in my marriage. Not sure if I want to be there. I also don't want to loose my lover in the process. I did break off contact and I am very depressed over it, and he is also, but he told me to do what I felt I need to do. I told I would try for a while to see if my love came back for my husband, if not I would call him and we could see if what we had could be mended again. I did tell him that I hope our paths cross again. Does that mean that I hope my marriage reconcile fails? Please help me understand, I am having so many issues with this even though I am seeing a conselor.