need help w boyfriend's dtr

[monkey]

my boyfriend's wife cheated, lied, manipulated and left him over a year ago. we've been together 6 months but i've known him almost all my life. we're great together and we both realize that we are meant to be together and we are respectively the love of each other's life. we have a really amazing relationship. very loving. he treats me better than i could have imagined. with that said, i have only one problem. his 21 year old step-daughter. she refuses to accept the separation/divorce and does not allow me to be there when she decides to be at my boyfriend's house. she lives with her mother, but sometimes for her own convenience stays the night at his house. when she does stay there she shows up at 1 or 2 am and leaves for work at 6:30 am. it's not like she wants to spend time with him. she wouldn't know i was there except that my car is in the drive. she treats him like crap and only talks to him when she wants money or for him to buy her something. even though he is very happy with me and i do alot for him she insists on controlling him. she has thrown tantrums and made threats over this. he is a very sweet, non-confrontational person who won't stand up to her and she knows it. i have been close to breaking up over this as it hurts so much but i know that is exactly what she is trying to do, and i love him too much, and i know he loves me. i need help and i need it quick. if anyone has been in my shoes or hers please help. thanks.

[iggydoll]

Hi. Your boyfriend needs to become a man and do right for you. I think he needs to sit down with her and tell her flat out that he loves you and he is going to stand by you. That he loves her, too, and wants harmony in his own home. Who pays the bills in that house? Certainly not the 21 year old daughter. He pays the bills. It's his home, not hers. She is 21 now and a young adult. It's time she acts like one. She should be thankful that HE lets HER come and go at all hours of the night. Maybe he should talk to her about coming in at 1 or 2 in the evening, that it is his home and he wants to be comfortable in his home, to follow his rules. Once she starts paying his mortgage, then she can make the rules. I suspect her mom has something to do with the way she is acting. Talk to him. Let him read the posts.
melinda

[Rich]

I agree. If your BF and you are going to spend the rest of your life together, then he needs to pick you.

He needs to explain to his daughter that you will be his wife and that he loves you. That when in his house that she will respect you. That if she can't do that, then she's not welcome there.

It's a hard thing to do, but he needs to do it. And if he can't, then you're marrying a jellyfish. Maybe he's not the most awesome man that you think he is. Who else will he let walk over him? Who else won't he stand up to? Will he stand up for you if you're threatened?

Wishy washy is wishy washy. He needs to stop feeling guilty over his divorce and how it affected his daughter, stand up to her and set her straight.

He needs to realize that HE needs to do it, too. If you force him to do it, then there might be resentment.

Tell him that you can't be together with how it is now. That you can't and won't live like that. Let him make the choice.

Rich

[monkey]

thank you. i agree. i really think i need to just tell him i deserve respect. should i talk to the daughter, her mother? or just talk to him? i don't know if it's my place to talk to them. the mother is just as bad or worse. so i'm dealing with 2 really immature, selfish women here. how do i get him to get off his ass and say something to her? what do i say? what is going to get his attention and make him do it?
monkey

[Rich]

Just tell him that it's either you or her. That he needs to pick.