Overcoming anxiety after a break up

[Tida]

I've been counting on my friends and family for support. But It's been more than a week and I still cannot get back on my daily routine. I can't focus at work. I keep busting out in tears at random moments.

I will feel fine, then all of a sudden i will feel overwhelmed with anxiety that I crack and bawl.

I can only be with my friends and family for so long during the days and weeks. When I'm alone, even if i'm trying to keep myself busy, i still get mild to severe panic attacks. AN incredible spasm in my stomach filled with butterflies. Especially before I go to bed.

Any advice would greatly help.

[eightball61]

Its tough to deal with and "yes" you can't be with someone every minute. You are taking the right steps in keeping busy and keep that up. Its not going to be easy but you mind will work it all out. These things take time and time is whats its gonna half to be. Maybe try buying a book or when you are at home alone then just spend time on the net looking up things or maybe chatting about general interest.

[Tida]

It's back and there's no one around. I just wrote in my journal and chatted a bit in another forum, but it's still burning inside me. I can't get rid of it. Now i feel like crying, but it won't come out.

I'm afraid to go to work today because I'm afraid I will have an outburst. The last thing I want to do is show a tired teary face to strangers.

I don't want to care anymore. I want this feeling out of me. I keep thinking/fantasizing about the possibility of us being together again. I know i should stop. I keep telling myself to stop. BUt i can't!

I'm trying to suppress the anxiety. I'm trying to ignore it. But now i feel it coming and it's going to come on strong. It hurts. I don't know what to do.

[eightball61]

I don't want to care anymore. I want this feeling out of me. ]


Many of us can feel your pain...Its a natural thing to go through. You cared for him deeply and thats why you hurt so much. This qoute shows its true:

"'How much you LIKE/LOVE someone often determines how much they can GET to you and HURT you. And, concequently, how much you HATE them as a result."


Its not going to be easy. Just keep up what you are doing and the venting. We have been here for you and we are not giving up. People do care as you see...you have to just see the positives around you.

[CalistaClap]

I know it's hard. My ex is purposly going out of his way for me to see he and the 17 year old (he's 26 and I"m 23) he was cheating on me with together.

I don't leave my small little comminty, he comes here with her, why I don't know.

It's overwhelming to say the least, but try and keep yourself as busy as you can. Spend AS MUCH time with friends, family and working as you can, and when you are alone try doing housework, volunteer, work, crafts, exercise, etc. Anything to keep you moving and your mind going.

[Tida]

The days are getting better. I'm feeling more like myself again. Mainly because a few of my friends actually allow me to vent and re-hash the same old crap over and over again. I know i'm bugging the hell out of them. However, I know myself. If I don't let it out, then it will fester inside and I will become bitter. Once I let my thoughts and feeling out, those thoughts will no longer bother me... at least for a little while.

I know that the more I vent the less it will hurt when the same thoughts and feeling return. Until, finally, they won't hurt anymore and I'll have moved on.

Unfortunately, my family, esp. my mom, sees this as a weakness. She makes me feel guilty for crying and grieving over a guy that she beleives wasn't good enough for me. She doesn't understand that I really loved him. She yells at me to stop moping and snap out of this funk i'm in.

I've tried numerous outlets. A journal, my friends, and I'm glad that I found this forum. All of you help me so much. I thank you so much. However, when I'm at home, my mind keeps racing. I want to talk about it with someone, but if I do, and It's about him. Mom or sis tell me to shut up and stop thinking about it. Maybe it's constructive criticism, but it hurts more than it helps. I feel like i'm letting my family down by appearing to be so weak.

When i'm out and about, i'm okay, for the most part. I know this takes time. But when I come home, my mind just won't shut up.

[Tida]

I know it's hard. My ex is purposly going out of his way for me to see he and the 17 year old (he's 26 and I"m 23) he was cheating on me with together.

I don't leave my small little comminty, he comes here with her, why I don't know.

It's overwhelming to say the least, but try and keep yourself as busy as you can. Spend AS MUCH time with friends, family and working as you can, and when you are alone try doing housework, volunteer, work, crafts, exercise, etc. Anything to keep you moving and your mind going.

That is simply terrible! :mad: What is he trying to prove by showing up with her around you like that. ooOh if it was me, there would be some pretty horrendous pictures in my journal of their demise. Sorry. :D

He's gonna realize that "what's her face" won't hold a candle to you. And once he does, you'll be long gone and over him. Then he'll kick himself in the ass for it.

We're only 23 (i'm 24 this Feb 21st!) and there's still so much left out there. You're better off without him. Just like I'm better off without my ex.

[JonHu33]

I hope things get better for you in your troubled times. Breakups are always hard, love can be the best emotion we experience and also our biggest pain. I can promise, just like everyone else, things do and will get better. I have endured ending 2 marriages, each I went into with no love, but came our broken still. Your heart will mend, the scars will fade, and your pain will heal.

Try to look for the plus side to the small things in your life. Keep busy, and learn to enjoy what you have now. Cherish what life has given you and believe that life will continue to bring good things your way.

Happy early birthday! And I hope that you have all joy and happiness in the next year of your life!

Sincerely

Jon

[Tida]

But then why do I want him so bad?

I used to be the bright spot in his day. He used to want to talk to me all the time no matter how "busy" he was. He used to want to keep constant physical/visual contact with me wherever we went. It was like that for 2 years! Then i'm gone for 4 months and all that changes and dissappears. Now he doesn't even think of me. At least, he doesn't make it apparent, anyway.

Every day I hope I get some sort of contact from him, no matter how minuscule. I even bought myself a self-help book. I feel like such a loser. Here I am wasting my time trying to forget him, and he can't expend the energy to give me a phone call.

As much as I want to shut off my mind, I can't help but think about the times that were ours. I can't stop fantasizing about what is going to happen between us when I return to San Diego. BTW, I have no idea what i'm going to do when I do get back. I have 2 months to think about it, and at the same time, I don't want to think about it.

I'm still trying to keep busy and trying to do the things I enjoy. I can't. I try. I keep busy but get frustrated and I don't enjoy the things I used to. I alienate myself from my friends, but feel lonely. When I am with my friends, I don't want to be around and I don't want to socialize. I end up being y. I hate this pitiful yo-yo that I have become.

[eightball61]

When dealing with breakups many things come across as "why this" or why that". You ask why you want him so bad and that could be because you think things can go back to be the same as they were in the beginning and thats why you can't let go. You mind has not trick in the reality of the break up yet. You want him back in every form because you once never could imagine your life with out him and thats why this is so hard. The mind is a powerful thing but it has a trick to work these things out. Just try to be patient and do what you are doing and go from there. One day everything will be ok again...