Trouble coping with the past

[Criesto]

I'm going to start this off by saying I'm not going to disclose my age, but that I will tell you all that I'm young.

Now for some background.
I've been with this girl for almost 6 months now, I love her to death, we've gone all the way.

I'm not her first ual experience, but she's mine.
Before me she'd done some things with other guys, third base is as far as she'd gone. But she'd also gone skinny dipping, and streaking.

And recently, I've been finding it harder and harder to deal with this. It really upsets me thinking about her with other guys like that, and I'm afraid it might cause some problems in our relationship.

I've talked to her about it, serious, long talks about it, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with these things or get rid of these feelings?


All help is appreciated.

[Howard]

I'm going to start this off by saying I'm not going to disclose my age, but that I will tell you all that I'm young.

Now for some background.
I've been with this girl for almost 6 months now, I love her to death, we've gone all the way.

I'm not her first ual experience, but she's mine.
Before me she'd done some things with other guys, third base is as far as she'd gone. But she'd also gone skinny dipping, and streaking.

And recently, I've been finding it harder and harder to deal with this. It really upsets me thinking about her with other guys like that, and I'm afraid it might cause some problems in our relationship.

I've talked to her about it, serious, long talks about it, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with these things or get rid of these feelings?


All help is appreciated.



Do you really want to be with her for the rest of your life? :confused:

[ReasonILoveHer]

Well, you're still young. These thoughts are cool... I'm 17 and yeah I am quite in your situation as well. But all i can do is trust her right? Don't think about it

[Howard]

How's everything going Criesto?

[Criesto]

yeah, I can honestly say that I do wanna be with her for the rest of my life
(sorry for the late reply, holiday madness)

[Howard]

Criesto,You have any resolutions with her for 2007?;)

[Criesto]

no, none that I can think of
see I'm trying to work it out in my head that by me being upset about that I'm kind of being hypocritcal
like, even though she's the first person I've done something ual with, she's not the first to have seen me entirely
so I put myself down to try and remove the problem
but that seems like it would create more problems...

I don't know, I'm just not sure what to do
maybe time will just fix things

[WillIsMyName]

yeah, thats the only thing i've been able to tell myself.. is that hopefully time will be able to fix things.. just be glad youre not having to cope with all the crap my gfs done to herself.. now this is a true challenge for me :(

I myself am still very loss in it all..
just be glad theres someone out there in the spot as you but a lot worse :p

[Howard]

[QUOTE=Criesto]no, none that I can think of
see I'm trying to work it out in my head that by me being upset about that I'm kind of being hypocritcal
like, even though she's the first person I've done something ual with, she's not the first to have seen me entirely
so I put myself down to try and remove the problem
but that seems like it would create more problems...

I don't know, I'm just not sure what to do
maybe time will just fix things[QUOTE]


So you think that there will be problems with her in the near future?

[Diablo]

This problem will only increase with age until you realize that you really shouldn't let what a woman has done before she met you trouble you. At your age, you could find someone who hasn't done these things, at my age, that is pie in the sky. Quit frettin' about her past. All you should worry about is the present and the future. The two of you have a say in that, but you can't change the past and she did not know you then anyway.

[Howard]

How's everything Criesto?

[Criesto]

To WillIsMyName: She's done a lot of dumb shit before too... she used to drink, smoke, pop pills, cuts (and sadly, still on occasion does) =... not trying to be an ass but don't try to make me feel better by showing me a "worse" situation

To Howard: I'm not sure if problems in the future will arise, I just figured it'd be best to deal with this problem as soon as possible so as to prevent any possible problems in the future from arising (and again, sorry for the late response, holiday madness)

To Diablo: Thanks man... that really honestly does help. I think the problem's starting to go away now, I haven't really had any serious troubling thoughts about it recently, just kind of ones in passing

[Diablo]

Just a matter of placing things in propper perspective. However, her cutting on herself is a real problem. This indicates several things. Number one, she's unhappy, number 2, she thinks that someone will intervien and fix her life if that person notices the cutting, and number three, it also indicates low self-esteem.

There is an approach that address all three and does not involve therapy (to tell the truth, (I doubt that most therapists would think of it). The root of the problem is probably the sense of low self-esteem, so your job as her boyfriend would be to build up her self-esteem. If she starts to talk about taking up a new hobby, say encouraging things, when it is within the context of the conversation, say things such as, "you know, it doesn't mean you're a bad person just because you've done some screwed up things. These days, who hasn't?" Also, play a sport or game that you two can compete equally, on an equal footing and you might even want to go as far as to let her win every now and then. However, not too often. You can't let her figure out that you let her win sometimes and if you let her win all the time, it';ll quit being fun for her.

Anyway, the thing for you to be doing with her as I see it, is helping her to build up her self-esteem. But don't let her know what you're doing.

[Criesto]

She has pretty good self esteem... she just doesn't like her legs (psoriasis), or her stomach (a tiny bit of pudge)

She only cuts when she gets really upset... like one time I was being a complete ass, and she ended up cutting herself
and the time after that her Mom and her got in a big fight, and her Mom was going to ground her for a month (which means she couldn't see me), and she ended up cutting then

she's gotten a lot better about it since we've been together... like she does it once every two months, max
and she's getting better every day


but thanks for the help anyways man

[Howard]

Does she have anything to help her legs and stomach?

[Criesto]

She has medicine and Vitamin E lotion for her legs (which are getting better)
and as for her stomach, simply good diet and exercise (I'm a freak when it comes to those things seeing as I used to be pudgy myself, not anymore though! =D So I'm helpering her along with that)

[Howard]

[QUOTE=Criesto]She has medicine and Vitamin E lotion for her legs (which are getting better)
and as for her stomach, simply good diet and exercise (I'm a freak when it comes to those things seeing as I used to be pudgy myself, not anymore though! =D So I'm helpering her along with that)[QUOTE]



You should both help each other,It goes both ways.