codename007
02-10-2005, 07:31 AM
I have been with my girlfriend for about six months, and things are going very well. We are both in our late 20's, and very much in love. The lone problem is this: We met last summer through a large group of friends that neither of us knew very well. We began flirting immediately and it really seemed like just a matter of time before something happened between us. After a few weeks we did get together and we have been together since. But a couple weeks into it I learned that she had slept with another guy from our group of friends just two weeks before we got together.
Now, I know this took place before we were dating, so it shouldn't be my concern. But it also took place right in the middle of a period in which we were feeling each other out, and the idea that she slept with someone else right in the middle of that sours the whole memory of it for me. I was bothered by it when she first admitted this to me, but I moved past it because I realized how much I was into her. But, we still see the guy she slept with from time to time, and even though she says that she was never interested in him I still notice her paying attention to him when he's around. Not in an excessive way, but she does notice when he walks into a room, and just seems to have that awareness of him that people tend to have when they have an interest in someone. It's almost enough to make me wonder if he brushed her off and I am a second option...But not quite.
I've talked to her about this in very general terms a couple times and I feel like I shouldn't bug her about it anymore because it's not like she cheated on me or something. And she seemed to get annoyed like I was judging her for something that was none of my business. She told me that it was entirely out of charactor for her and that it had been more than two years since she had slept with anyone prior to that incident. But that makes me feel almost worse because then I wonder what it was about this particular guy that won her over. The truth is that I am haunted almost daily by images of them together, and whenever we are around that group of friends I think about it even more.
Now, I realize this sounds stupid and that I just need to get over it, and that's the direction I'm heading because everyday I care more and more about her. But part of me worries that if I end up with her I will always have this hanging over me. It doesn't seem to be getting better with time. Do I just need to grow up, or am I normal to be bothered by this?
Any advice?
Rick
Now, I know this took place before we were dating, so it shouldn't be my concern. But it also took place right in the middle of a period in which we were feeling each other out, and the idea that she slept with someone else right in the middle of that sours the whole memory of it for me. I was bothered by it when she first admitted this to me, but I moved past it because I realized how much I was into her. But, we still see the guy she slept with from time to time, and even though she says that she was never interested in him I still notice her paying attention to him when he's around. Not in an excessive way, but she does notice when he walks into a room, and just seems to have that awareness of him that people tend to have when they have an interest in someone. It's almost enough to make me wonder if he brushed her off and I am a second option...But not quite.
I've talked to her about this in very general terms a couple times and I feel like I shouldn't bug her about it anymore because it's not like she cheated on me or something. And she seemed to get annoyed like I was judging her for something that was none of my business. She told me that it was entirely out of charactor for her and that it had been more than two years since she had slept with anyone prior to that incident. But that makes me feel almost worse because then I wonder what it was about this particular guy that won her over. The truth is that I am haunted almost daily by images of them together, and whenever we are around that group of friends I think about it even more.
Now, I realize this sounds stupid and that I just need to get over it, and that's the direction I'm heading because everyday I care more and more about her. But part of me worries that if I end up with her I will always have this hanging over me. It doesn't seem to be getting better with time. Do I just need to grow up, or am I normal to be bothered by this?
Any advice?
Rick