He unnecessary yells at me. Please help!

[isabella7w7]

I have been married over a 1 12 year now. We use to live with one another. But we had to part ways. Now we started seeing one another again. Our relationship is great. Except for one thing his anger. No he doesn't hit me. But its just the way he yells at me. He calls me a dumb . He got mad at me because I have made a friend and I'm over there all the time. Even though he has no reason to be jealous. I had forgotten that he was coming over yesterday. If I had remembered(which I swear to god that I didn’t remember discussing him coming over), Which I was at my friends house. He came over all mad at me. There wasn't dinner ready or anything. He yelled and yelled some more. He even throws things. I have been in an abusive relationship before this actions scare me immensely. What upsets me the most is he knows he has a problem and he just doesn't do anything about it. I mean I know that he is a thug. (He’s ghetto) Those types of people are real hard to love. But I have managed to find me one to love. I just don't know how someone can treat you so bad and still say they love you and want to marry you. I told him to get anger management, take some time alone do something. I just can't do it anymore. This type of relationship is so unhealthy. Sometimes I just figure he will never be able to control it. He normal will not break a promise. He is pretty good about that. He is pretty good about saying he’s not going to do something and not do it. I just don't want to live my life like this anymore and I'm afraid its will just happen again.
Maybe I should just end it now.

[Diablo]

You are right. You need to get out of this relationship. In healthy relationships, the couple builds each other up, not tear each other down. All couples argue, but what he's doing is over the top. Once you're out of this relationship, you should take some solo time. This would be to get on an even keel and to sort out what it is that draws you to this type. That can become a vicious cycle that can trap a woman for life. Especially if she takes no time off between relationships. You need to dump this guy and then take some time sorting yourself out. You may be one of those women who mistake aggresiveness for strength, kindness for weakness. I don't know, but you're doing something wrong and you should not date again until you're clear on what it is because it is better to be alone than in an abusive relationship.

[darren95al]

Hello,
That is a bad situation, by the sounds of it. I feel for you. My advice to you is simple; require him to receive anger management. It sounds as though he understands that yelling at you and throwing things is no way to treat a woman; appeal to his apparent rationality on this matter. Tell him exactly how you feel when he does these things to you, and the turmoil that it causes in you. Explain this and then REQUIRE that he attend anger management classes if he wants to continue to see you. Explain that this is your final effort to save what could be a loving relationship. There is a good book available to resolve such problem. The book is “Ten Days to a good Marriage” by Dr. Max Vogt
Nevada City, California. You can have a look at it TenDaysToAGoodMarriage It deals a lot about behavioral science.

I know what it is like to have a temper; I too have shouted at my girlfriend in the past. Do NOT internalize this anger! It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you or your actions. When angry people (like I can be) get mad it is our OWN fault. We have to own it.

Be sensitive, but do not debase yourself. Set a high standard for yourself. If he refuses to reach that standard, I think you should end the relationship.

Please, do not feel worthless. He is not angry with you because you are a disappointment, believe me. He is angry because you represent something that he feels he NEEDS. You represent something that, I would guess, he has never had. When you, this person that he needs so badly, even SEEMS to move away from him (by making friends, etc) he PANICS. Then he gets angry. Be sensitive to this, but do NOT coddle it. To heal a situation like this, you both need to be willing to work on it. If he is not willing, end it.

I hope I was able to help somewhat, Good luck with your man.

[rmpavlock]

It definitely sounds like a verbally abusive relationship. Everything is great except his anger. That's a big exception! My advice is to get away from this guy. I was in a relationship with a very angry person for three years and ended it several months ago. Trust me....people like that do not change. If he's that unhappy, that's something that he needs to fix himself, and until he fixes it he probably shouldn't be in any relationship. It may seem difficult to do now, but you will feel much better in the long run. Life is hard enough without someone like that. There's no need to make things more difficult.

[piratesmate]

GEt out of the relationship if he refuses to change!
He sounds exactly like my first husband! I was treated in much the same exact way, verbally abused and told how stupid,ugly, fat, ignorant, etc., I was. He wouldn't change but perhaps your husband will?

[Howard]

That Isn't right for him to go yelling at you like that,Isabella.I'd say just rid yourself of him,He's not worth it.

[Misha]

I would be inclined to say end the relationship for good. It sounds like he's looking for someone to be his mother more than a wife (you said you were married, right?) Coming over and getting angry because you don't have dinner ready? How about him and you making dinner together and having fun doing it? A relationship of any kind is 50-50, give and take. If you have one person giving and the other person only taking then you don't have that harmonized balance that you need to make it a strong relationship.

Trust me, I have struggled with this myself in my current relationship. He lived with his mother before we moved in together and he got use to having everything done for him so when I didn't do that, he would get irritated. I finally sat down with him and reminded him that I am NOT his mother and that if our reltionship was going to work out, then he needed to step up to the plate and start doing his fair share.

If he can't work with you, sweetie then you need to cut him loose, no matter how much it hurts. You deserve to have friends and time to yourself as well as someone who is going to love you unconditionally.

[Howard]

How's everything going Isabella?

[Jamaicangirl]

A man should have respect for his woman. If he yells for everything (as you said) he lacks respect for both himself and you. Get out as soon as you can...likes attrack, I dont think you are ghetto....run!!!!

[Howard]

A guy should at least have some understanding because you don't want to raise your voice when she's around,It's just not right at all.

[funguy74]

getting out would be more difficult than it seems.