does love really exist?

[SLIM05]

ok i want every ones thoughts on this, does love really exist? i mean can we love any one besides our selves? sure we love certain types of foods, movies, pets but can any one really care about some one else more then themselves. from personal experieces, reading all these posts in this forum and hearing countless problems from my friends i really dont think love exists. ok you have your dating relationship, first u have all the head games, and the bs, then one person is always gonna care more about the other. so the person giving all the love and attention is gonna get walked all over by the person recieving it. then lets say u can make it through a few years of hell to mariage. now every one knows just about every 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce so while your at the alter u can look at your future wife/husband and u can say to yourself "wow so this is the person im gonna divorce". so wuts wrong with every one on this planet. y cant we all just get along and love each other and be happy instead of fighting, being abusive, and treating each other like garbage.

[monkey]

i think the bottom line is respect. we are all way too spoiled in our society today. we need to remember that one little thing that, hopefully, our parents taught us. bottom line is that if we respect ourselves, respect our partners and our family, friends etc. that we would all be much happier. it's deffinitely hard to come by these days, but if we give respect it's alot easier to get it back in return. just a thought. p.s. slim i think you should let your gf go. she sounds like a bit of a control freak and you are obviously a nice guy. you deserve better.

[Rich]

Slim05-

What you posted here and are asking is what drove me into being a relationship consultant.

The numbers that you mention are actually a bit worse. Close to 52% of marriages end in divorce and over half of the remaining marriages are unhappy ones.

That's close to 80% of marriages that either end in divorce or that are unhappy. Pretty staggering numbers where only one in five marriages will succeed or be happy.

The reason for this, I feel, is that we approach relationships and marriage the wrong way. Right now we leave it up to emotion when instead we should approach them from a more practical point of view.

If I was to ask you what was more important, buying a house, a car or getting married and having children, what would you say?

The answer is getting married and having children of course because marriage is supposed to be for life and you're creating life to carry on our species. But look at the difference in how we approach doing all three of those items and that will show you why most marriages either don't work or are unhappy.

Look at all that you do before you buy a house or car. You make a list of wants, desires or must haves. You do research. Take test drives. Have engineers inspect. Get insurance. Get bank loans. Drive the neighborhood. Plus so many other things that they're too numerous to mention. You do all of that to make sure that you're making the right decision and that the car or house will last you a long time and that you'll be happy with it.

Now look at what we do before we get married. We meet. Act differently then how we really are in order to impress the other. We date without really getting to KNOW the other person. We get engaged and plan for our wedding DAY. Not wedded lives, but wedding day only. Then we get married and have kids?

Where's the planning? Where's the research? Where's the list of what we're looking for and what will make us happy? Where's the practicality?

Well, you get the picture and I could go on. But this isn't the place for it.

It's my view that if people who are dating and who are looking to get married, that if they're more practical in their approach, that a lot more marriages wouldn't end in divorce or to be unhappy. That's what I do. I show people the must have list and what it is that they should be striving for and then show them how to achieve that.

Getting back to your original question of what is love and does it exist. Well, the answer is that love is a strong emotion that draws two people together, but that it's only ONE ingredient that goes into making a successful relationship. Strong, happy and awesome relationships consists of so much more, but most people don't know what that more is.

Look at it this way, using the car analogy again. Say that love is the color red. When you only base a relationship on love, that's like saying that you want to buy a car with the only criteria that it be a red one. Well, you can find many red cars out there to buy, but will you be happy with that car after you bought it?

After driving it for awhile, won't you start to evaluate that car against your subconscious list of desires, wants and needs about what you always wanted in a car? At that point it's too late and you bought it, so you can only hope that it hopefully meets some of your criteria. And what happens 52% of the time is that the owner puts the car up for sale (divorce) because they find it doesn't meet what they're truly looking for in a car. And an additional 28% of people will keep the car but not take care of it, won't give a shit about it, will drive other cars that they like better and will let the car run into the ground.

Sound like a lot of marriages and or relationships out there? You bet ya.

Go into a relationship knowing what you want and what you're looking for. Have a clear cut definable list of wants, desires and must haves and then see how your current partner measures up. Dating is supposed to be like taking the car for a test drive. If things don't measure up, then look for a better match. And test drive for as long as you need in order to see if you'll be happy.

If everyone tried that approach, we'd have more successful relationships out there. Which is what I'm all about in trying to accomplish.

Good luck

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[eightball61]

Yes I truelly believe that love exist. As you pointed out it can exist in many form but the definition of love varies from person to person that you actually ask. I am in love with my GF and would love a future for us to grow. We have had our rough times and going through one at this point but to me love is what brought everything together for that process.