isabella7w7
01-31-2007, 06:21 AM
I don't know what to do. We have been married almost 15 years and have a fourteen year old son. I love my husband with all my heart, and yes, we have had issues. Things came to a terrible head these last few days and he says he doesn't even want to work on it at all. The only hope he sees is divorce. He says that he knows that there is always hope and that anything is possible, he just doesn't see it changing. He is not really willing to work on it at all. Part of our issues were ual and I have been working some of that out recently. However, he says that even then he doesn't feel any real "connection". I don't want to push him further away; do I keep working on the things I know I have "failed" to meet for him (especially the ual aspects)? Is there an opportunity to build that "love bank" back by doing so over time? It is not just that issue, but also that is one of the biggest. We don't spend much time together, but that is partially a symptom of the lost love. He is still here for now and due to our son, I believe will stay awhile, but I know I need to act to recover this if there really is any hope. Please help. I just need to know if anyone has ever had a shut down partner and were able to bring back those feelings without a lot of help from them until they start to feel love again. He says he cares, just not much more than a friend and mainly only because I am the mother of his child. I do know that a lot of that is due to hurt over things in our past that we always just pushed down and never really discussed. I would greatly welcome any advice. One more thing, he does say that he enjoys the ual acts more even though there is no connection. His statement was "I enjoyed it, but that is all, nothing is fixed."
HELP!!
My question still is - especially when now he has at least took the time to fill out the questionnaire even though he says he doesn't care to work on it - does this mean deep down he would still like it to survive or was he just trying to get his point across like about the or whatever? I feel like even in that case if he took the time to fill out the questionnaire he at least has to have some desire to fix it despite his protests and his lack of feelings right now. He did still call me "dear" several times this morning and actually stick around before work and discuss plans he has with a friend for their joint birthdays (a yearly thing) and he did plan it for a time we would be at church - he doesn't attend with us.
Advice please!!!
HELP!!
My question still is - especially when now he has at least took the time to fill out the questionnaire even though he says he doesn't care to work on it - does this mean deep down he would still like it to survive or was he just trying to get his point across like about the or whatever? I feel like even in that case if he took the time to fill out the questionnaire he at least has to have some desire to fix it despite his protests and his lack of feelings right now. He did still call me "dear" several times this morning and actually stick around before work and discuss plans he has with a friend for their joint birthdays (a yearly thing) and he did plan it for a time we would be at church - he doesn't attend with us.
Advice please!!!