Some advice please........

[xxsirvtecxx]

Well this has been occuring for some time now, me and my g/f of 3 years in June are going through some problems in our relationship.....lately she has been telling me that she doesn't feel the same, and she loves me but doesnt feel that she is in love with me. She said she wants space, I left the house for 3 days...and spent the time at a motel.....I felt if I really did love her that I should at least try it. She told me just yesterday to come back and wait until I can find a place where I can stay...either with my parents or with someone else....the problem is all I have is her, my parents dis-owned me pretty much when I agreed to move out and live with her and not go to college right away and cut my financial aid off. So I have no where to go yet I really want this relationship to last 4ever....she is the one for me and Im pretty damn sure im the one for her....its just right now we have had arguments, she says i have attitudes all the time with her(sometimes i do but most of the time i really don't its just prolly the tone i use at that moment) and she doesnt express her love with me like when we first met. I understand Our relationship can never be exactly the same as it once was, but what can I do to make it better. I really have no place to go, and need her, also I really want this relationship to last. What does a girl mean when she says she needs space....but doesnt explain why....what i wanted to know is I want to work things out with me staying there and working on the relationship....and not seperating....she just turned 21 and has been going out alot compared to when we first met...and it was weird at first for me cause I didnt know what to think...had a little insecurity at first but after talking to her, she assured me nothing is happening just going out to chill and kick it with people from work(which really is one guy from work and his friends) so we got over that....but i think its still the fact that I always stay up for her until she comes home....she leaves super late at night around 11 and comes home around 4 or 7 am so thats what really urked me or got me on the edge of things, but anyway thats not the problem....is it that she wants space from me to find out if there is other people out there for her? (she has told me she doesnt want anyone else if the relationship were to end...which is BS why would you be lonely for the rest of your life...point of the matter is that..our relationship is coming to an ending point and i want to bring back the spark...because thats what she told me is missing.....so how can I do so and what can I do to save the relationship...I pretty much want to know what to do as a single person to help the realtionship. Well thanks for listening, and please shoot me some helpful advice....thanks.

[eightball61]

She is going through a phase where she kinda wants to expirience the single life or that time of freedom on more time before she settles. I think you have been great letting her go out at all hours. To me I see that you are not holding her back of anything and the only problem that I see is she is having fun doing it but she wants you to be out and away so she can date around.

You are ready to settle but she isn't as we see here. Only her heart has the real decision on what she wants. If you are really serious about this and her then maybe offer going to some kind of get away counseling to get that flow back going. Also, see if you can go out with her once in a while so you both can have fun together.

I kow this truelly hurts but I feel she may have her mindmade up allready. She just wants the time and experience what 21 is like. I too have always had the fear of this when my GF hits that age and I have told her this before. Its nothing we can control though because its something that happens naturally.

What I listed above may be the best things to try but if she says no to them then you know she has her mind made up and there is no chance at this time on trying. Keep us updated though and welcome

[xxsirvtecxx]

well its not that she wants to date around, just wants to get space to see how she can handle things on her own, for the past 2 1/2 years she has relied on me so I wanted to know why the sudden change...i feel that if people really love each other, they can work things out through the thick and the thin....and Iv'e seen the things she has to go through while im not around or no one there to help her, she gets careless and angry...and has an attitude....so I mean thats not good on her end, and she has told me in the past she is ready to spend the rest of her life with me and would marry me, now its like no you cant base your life on some relationship...and im too young for marriage....im like well it helps to set some what of a basis on a relationship and its not like we are gettin married any freakin time soon....i mean like around 26 or 28....when we are matured even more....i dunno....its just I want this relationship to last and want her to feel like she once did...what can I do.

[eightball61]

Maybe it is the adjustment to be on her own but to me that make no sense because if you both wanted to build together then thats what you would continue to do. You mention that she has been going out more and staying out latter into the evening...well thats a sign of wantd that indepence I am refering to.

I am not saying she wants to sleep around or anything like that but when she goes out alone she is seeing what single life is and how fun being single can be. I can garentee she is getting hit on out there and is being flattered by that attention. This may not be anything you want to hear but is being brought to you to make you realize why she wants to take this approach.

I GF wanted to do the same thing when she turned 18 to go out and live alone on a brake to work out her life but over time she realized it was just astupid thought because she realized a relationship to grow together and not apart.

It does make sense if she didn't want to live together for a while so she can make adjustments to her income if you both where to breakup and thats understandable. With all the other things though it leads to what I am thinking. I am not saying I am right but try the appoach of a counseling session to get that spark lit but she has to agree to it.

[xxsirvtecxx]

well, we are officially over.....but theres another thing to it, she said we will just be friends for right now, and we are going to have to grow back to what we use to be in the past for us to be together then....She will not be seeing other people, she will just go out to kick it with her friends and cousin, and we are still going to contact each other, just that now im officially going to give her the space she has so much wanted.....Do you guys think that we can be like we once were....I know nothing can ever be exactly the same, but have any of you guys tried this method? Well, I dunno....valentines day sucked for me, and its the insecurities that help me to my downfall.....but, I just wanted to know do you think this relationship will be some what like it once was? We both agreed that we will be friends for now and it will take time for us to grow to what we once were....just now I feel like complete crap and just am really sad....not depressed....just I regret I lost someone extremely special to me and it just hurts.

[eightball61]

Being on different relationship boards I have seen people try this out before and will be honest that it worked for some and others no. If you both stay committed and focus on repairing the lost things then it can work. I am the type that is against breaks though because I hve seen people just wonder off. IF there was something that needed to be worked out then it should be done still being together. Thats what builds a strong bond and relationship to me....but we are all different.

I am not going to agree with her words ing on not seeing other people but this is all a future thing. We will never know the true answer to all of this until the timining comes. Just keep us updated though and I wish you both the best.

[xxsirvtecxx]

thats what i was trying to stress to her, that both of us need to be with each other to work things out, not on our own, and thats what makes a bond between us stronger, but she says iv'e been letting you stay with me after all the arguements and we've tried your way too long.....lets try my way.....and thats what she tells me, she says she loves me but not in love at the moment, and wants the time to reminisce on the times weve spent and why im the right one for her, you have to realize I depend on this girl for every thing and she does the same with me, this space thing is a good thing, but how long should i await? I mean i dont want to go back after 2 weeks and say hey lets get back together...you guys think about a month month and half would be enough time to see how things go?

[eightball61]

The space can go until she is ready or when the both of you are ready. She clearly wants space and its not about working you both out but its about what she wants in life and making sure she is approaching this the right way. You want to take a step back also and not force anything or she will step back farther. Just go on your own and seek out new things like she is. If you both were meant together then your future will hold together again.