Left him....

[jackie4553]

So in short.....

Dated this guy for a year (minus a 2 month breakup).

He is close to his family and visits them 3 hours away for a weekend a month. When he went there it was like he dropped off the face of the earth. Hardly any phone calls. When he is in town all the time.

So I wanted to go with him.....Kept telling me that he has never introduced a girl to his family and that if he did it would mean engagement. He is no embarressed of his family( seen pics of house and family).

He also never told me that he loved me: when I told him that I was falling in live with him..he said sorry that love to him is a really strong word and if he said it to someone it would mean marriage.

So thinking that he is not serious with me and reall no future here I left....

His response; I dont want us to end but Im not ready to let you meet the family.

It been a month and 2 weeks...no contact from him.

Any feedback???

[eightball61]

You have dreams of a future and he doesn't. He is living to lifes and one is with you and the other is with his family. There can be many reasons to why he never introduced you but that is in the dead now.

I think leaving him was the right choice because you see no future in the relationship. There is no point to holding on when one person wants something and the other wants something else. This now will enable you to find that ideal mate that you been looking for. Sure it may be fustrating starting all over but at least you are going where you want to go rather than being in something that has no future.

[Rich]

Your BF has some pretty strong feelings about family, dating and marriage. Kinda real old school.

Some thoughts for you to consider.

If you get married you're not just marrying him, but you're marrying his family too. Can you deal with that?

Seems like there a good chance that all decisions will revolve around his family and that they might come first before you. Can you deal with that.

Do you think that if you got married and he had to choose between you and his family, that he's choose you? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't marry this guy or even continue this relationship with him.

If you think that once that you're married, that he'll flip like a light switch and just focus on you first and not his family, then you're mistaken. People don't change for the most part. He is, who he is.

Rich

[MissCheivious]

I hate to say this...EVER because I'm kind of a hopeless optimist but, that guy is either really guarded over something you probably won't want to know or he doesn't love you or see you as marriage material. My mom once told me that when you meet "the one" you'll know within three months or so if you want to marry him. I think the time frame is interchangeable by a few months or two but the point itself is valid. If you know, you KNOW, whether it ends up in divorce or not. Considering you were only together a year, that sounds weird that he wouldn't say "I love you", that's another one of those things you know or you don't. There's no time frame there but he would know if he loved you and if he felt it, he'd say it. Guys (for the most part) aren't complicated. If he's not calling, take it as a sign. If you think you love him or if you want to give it another shot, I think you should but ONLY if you're sure you're ready for a possible rejection. That's key. If you don't think you can handle the worst case scenario, don't call. If you have that feeling that you think it's possible, I would call but again, I'm an optimist and if you've read my thread, you'll see that I don't give up easily unless I think it's over. Either way, you'll know where you stand and the unknown is usually what peaks our interests and once that's not a mystery, you'll be able to move on a bit easier.

[jackie4553]

Thanks guys for the advice on the family thing....I bumped into him while on a date (he was just with a friend) and talked to him went to lunch tried to say I wanted to work it out but he said that we have tried and that it does not work and he does not want to try again. Thats ok....it sucks to hear but I knew that was a possibilty. Now just sad......

Jackie