Who's Wedding is it? Shouldn't I be calling some shots?

[Mr Lucky]

Here's a very brief background before I get into the main problem. My fiance' and I were engaged April 21st of this year (her birthday) and have been slowly but surely trying to plan things when we've had a chance in between buying a house ond of course work. Well it intially was mention by her and her sister (the two of them are very close) that the groom usually doesn't decide a thing as far as the wedding goes. It really "the bride's day" and she has to make it perfect for her and everyone else is irrelevant. I intially had a problem with that considering I too had to be in attendance to this event so I figured that there should be at least a little something about it that I kind of liked, but my calm demeanor prevailed and I got over it. Well now fast forward a coulple months and after just about a cemented deal of having the wedding in Vegas was thwarted (not enough people to meet the minimum requirement) I find myself again somehow ending up on the outside of the loop as far as picking some new locations to look at is concerned and my Fiance's sister has reappeared with her ideas. Now I dont completely hate the fact that she's trying to help out but my thing is even if there is a suggestion from my Fiance's sister that she's actually interested in, shouldn't I then know so I can say what I think about it? It just seems like the more involved the sister is the less involved I am. This really isn't helping me any when people ask me about the wedding and I don't really have a clue, then I look like the disinterested, not being helpful fiance. But I feel like if I say something then there will be an argument, and I'm really trying to avoid that. The situation just doesn't feel right.

[Rich]

Dude, you need to speak up and open your mouth. This is YOUR and your Fiance's wedding day, not your fiancee and her sister's wedding day.

Good relationships have equality as one of the cornerstones. You and your fiance are partners. You need to express that to her. All things are 50/50. Tell her that you want and will be involved in the planning of your wedding day.

Tell her that if she's going to try and run your marriage on old wives tales (it's the brides day), then tell her that she should be prepared to be pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen. Tell her that you expect dinner on the table when you get home from work and that she should doll herself and put on a dress prior to you coming home from work (Father knows best type stuff).

If she's not on board with that stereotype and scenario, then the scenario that grooms aren't involved in setting up the wedding are also out the window.

If you don't have equality now in your fiance's eyes, then you'll never get it, so don't marry her.

It's obvious that you're having communication problems. You guys might be talking, but there certainly isn't an understanding or listening going on.

Time to nip this in the bud.

[Mr Lucky]

That's definitely a proactive and different way of looking at it, but it makes complete sense. I will definitely voice my opinion of wanting to be involved and that my opinion should not fall on deaf ears. I don't think I'm gonna make any money putting it as bluntly as you did but we'll see what happens.

[Rich]

You don't need to be as blunt, but you need to definately voice your concerns. Quite honestly, if she doesn't realize that this is your wedding too and doesn't let you participate, then she doesn't value your opinions. Not a healthy sign to begin a life together.

[Floridamom84]

wow i wish my soon to be husband would help with some of the planning!!!

[Nani]

I agree with Rich. The wedding day is your day as much as hers. I think you should be involved even if you are not making all the decisions but your opinion should count.

Her sister might just want to help and probably doesn't realize she's practically taking over as girls get excited with wedding planning but
as mentioned earlier, you might want to mention that you want to be considered in the decision making of the wedding plans. In my opinion, it should be 50/50.