how long do i wait for love???

[Ina]

I have been with my boyfriend for 7months. At first he was very motivated, and worked very hard to get me to start dating him, kept insisting that i "just give us a chance". so i did.

We get along wonderfully, we have the same interest, same circle of friends, similar values and goals for the future.

He goes through stages where he is extremely affectionnate, calling several times a day, stopping by for no reason, just because he missed me. But then, he pulls away and i start doubting everthing. I called him on it. He said that he thought i was wonderful, amazing, perfect; the ideal woman (but in fact i'm really far from being perfect). But that he just didn't have any deep feelings for me.

We talked about it again a few days ago because i started feeling that i was just not a priority to him at all. he said the same thing. no deep feelings. once again, i was crushed. i even told him that i'm not sure how long i'll be able to stay with him as it really hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back.

and then, the day after the talk, he's all wonderful again. super sweet, calling all the time. slow dancing with me in the living room. being very affectionate in public... :confused:

I'm in love with him, so i'm making excuses all the time, telling myself "he's affraid, he's been hurt, he'll come around, he does love me-he's just affraid to sy it". But if he's not in love after 7months, will he ever be?

Am I just fooling myself and waiting for something that will never happen?

Thanks for all you insight!

[Rich]

Yup, you're fooling yourself. Him telling you twice that he doesn't have any deep feelings for you is sign enough to move on.

Hey, at least he was honest with you. Most guys wouldn't have said that even if they felt that way.

No one says that everyone that you break up with is an ass. You can break up with nice people. If the relationship isn't working, it isn't working. Whether it's with an ass, or a nice person.

It makes it easier to break up when the other person is an ass, but that's not the case here.

You owe it to yourself to have someone feel for you, like you feel for them. You don't have it here and can't force it to appear. Move on.

[Ina]

thanks for your input rich. but to be absolutely honest with you, i'm probably going to keep fooling myself a little longer, i'm just not capaple/ready to break up with him...

i just don't understand why he would want to continue being in a relationship with a person that he doesn't have feelings for. i get why i'm here, but i don't understand him. wouldn't it be better for him to just stop things with me and go meet that person that he will have deep feelings for?

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but falling in love is not one of his priorities. He is pretty much looking at this as a friendship with benefits. He is getting laid and has someone to hang with and that is just fine with him. Why should he move on when he is getting what he wants. You are just kidding yourself if you think he's gonna fall in love with you if you just stick it out for a little while longer. You are the one that needs to move on to find love....not him.

[Rich]

Some people are a glutton for punishment.

People are who they are. What's the use of trying to figure him out, he's not into you like you're into him and he never will be.

If you want to waste time on a person and a relationship that's going nowhere, that's your perogative. Just please do not post anymore more complaints about your BF or relationship because you're getting what you paid for. You can leave this relationship but are choosing not to. Any heartache that you get from here on in is on you and your fault because you could have left at anytime but chose to stay.

Learn what you feel that you need to learn from this relationship and do what you need to do.

As the saying goes, "the Lord doesn't help those who won't help themselves."

Good luck.

[gh2222]

sorry i messed up and posted and dont know how to delete it

[ChillGuyFl]

possibility of mental illness?, he keeps on changing his moods and behaviors towards you.

[Sugarcoatedsour]

If you’re ok being friends with benefits, that’s all your relationship seems to be – pretty much what Rich and Smackie summed up.

He may want to be in a relationship because, well, he knows you won’t break up with him and he’s already told you he doesn’t have deep feelings for you. He’s off the hook. He’s basically telling you I want to have with for as long as I can until I find someone I actually have feelings for.

Don’t kid yourself; this will not end well for you. The longer you stay with him the worse it’s going to get for you. It’s clear you have feelings for him and they will only continue to grow. It’s not like you can just turn them off and share in the “fvck and run” type situation you guys have.

Sorry if this all seems harsh, but if he hasn’t fallen for you after seven months he’s not ever going to.