Financial worries before marriage

[jude]

I am in a relationship with a girl from the last 3 and a half years. We love each other to bits. We are so compatible that we hardly ever fight. Even if we do we talk it out and resolve it.

She comes from a poor family, has 3 siblings. Her dad has a low paying job back in their town. Being the eldest child, she came to the big city to work and support her family (right after completing high school, giving up her graduation).

I come from a well-to-do family with our own house, and fairly wealthy. We have always lived a comfortable life thanks to my fathers great paying job over the years. He is now retired.

Though i have done graduation with a diploma, i opted to take a more "artistic" line of work. Hence I am earning very less compared to what i could have been earning now with my credentials. I only make enough to get me thru the month, pay my bills.

We have decided to get married, and our parents have okayed it. Though i am certain my parents are not completely pleased, because of her family background, her lack of higher

studies, how she would fit in our social circle, her job (she works at a restaurant). And have voiced their opinion to me.

I am worried about the situation after marriage. Besides supporting the 2 of us, we have to send money to support her family, her brothers' education. Also as a couple we would need to save money and plan for the future, car, house, kids etc. I do not want to ask money from my father, as it wont be right.

She is a wonderful girl, with a big heart, who has sacrificed so much to do so much for her family. I could never be half the person she is.

Our engagement is planned for next month, and marriage next year. I am a practical person, and not so blinded by love that i dont see the possible future financial load. It is eating me up from inside, and I really want advice from you all.

Thanks

[eightball61]

You both were raised very closely to family and taught to help support family. There is nothing wrong with the way you both were brought up however when it comes time for you own family then your family comes first.

What I'm trying to say here is that when you both marry things will change. They change in a way that you both work together for your own personal goals. It's still a good thing to help out others however you all won't be able to do it they way you've done it before.

Change is very difficult for people but in order to get what you need as a family then others will need to adapt to the changes as well. It's hard and they may not understand it at first but they'll eventually understand because they were once in that position too. As long as you both work together on personal goals you both will do just fine.

[Rich]

You're right, finances will be an issue and will cause fights.

You both need to speak about your future together and what goals you have. Does she want to go back to school? What are her long term aspirations.

You need to ask her if she will still send money home to her parents after you're married. If she says yes, then you have to either accept it and be REALLY ok with it, or not accept it and have it be a show stopper.

Once married, IT'S YOU TWO FIRST AND YOUR LIVES FIRST. Your money is to better YOUR lives first and foremost and you both need to be on the same page with that.

You, as the bread winner, need to be able to support your family. Your wife can help, but once she's pregnant she'll stop working for a bit and it'll all be you.

My advice is that if you can't afford to get married, then don't right now. You really can't live on love and most companies don't accept that as payment and you can't pay bills with love. Reality is reality.

Speak to your GF about your finance issue and what money she'll be sending home. Either you're ok with it, or you're not. If you're not, then don't get married to this girl.