draconis
10-24-2007, 03:49 AM
Relationship Thesis
Before anybody reads this and has a cow this is my disclaimer. This is my opinion only on the matter at hand. I believe this is why my marriage is doing so well. This is only my opinion. I have gathered this through life experiences and talking on many forums. I hope this helps some people that they read this and honestly look at their relationship and look for ways to improve it. Feel free to comment on it anyway you see fit.
What makes a relationship work and what are the keys.
I.) Communication~ An Open line of communication can build a great relationship, keep it moving or repair it when there is damage to it. In my view there is nothing more important then being able to talk to your partner about every thing. By communicating I know my wife what she wants and what she expects. The lack of communication almost lost a great thing. The ability to communicate not only saved it but strengthened us.
A.) Listen~ A part of communication has to be the ability to listen. No one wants to spill their heart out if the other person isn’t listening or just paying lip service.
1.) Boundaries~ Listen to what your partner thinks as far as limits. Is hugging okay, how about dancing with someone else? Knowing where your boundaries are can keep you from having to repair a relationship.
B.) Acceptance~ You have to be able to accept what you are being told from your partner. Saying you do doesn’t help if you can’t or refuse to use the information.
C.) Sharing~ You must be willing to share the good and the bad of the day or even your dreams to communicate well.
D.) Conflict Resolution~ Use communication to solve your problems. Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can’t or will not compromise or they can’t understand what the other wants. Arguing is the worst form of talking because things not meant to be said are out of anger and most arguments would not happen if there was good communication.
II.) Trust~ If you trust your partner it is easier to communicate with them. there is less jealousy. Although I put trust behind Communication it is only because trust can not save a marriage but can make it stronger. If trust is lost it has to be rebuilt with communication.
A.) Honesty~ A large amount of trust can be built from honesty in everything you do and say. For every lie you tell you must tell a thousand truths to be a square one.
B.) Dependable~ If you say you are going to do it, do it. There is only so many times you can make and break a promise before people no longer take your word for it.
C.) Forgiveness~ Once something is in the past there is no need to bring it up to be solved again. I am not saying that if your partner cheats you should forget the whole thing and more on but if s/he forgets to do the laundry and you have made it a point and they do something to make up for it there is no reason to bring it up six months later. This only drags a relationship down.
III.) Love~ Loving yourself and loving your partner is an important part of a relationship. If you do not love yourself then you will not be able to love another other then be co-dependant on them. Truly loving them will keep the fires burning and wanting to trust, communicate and be faithful to them.
A.) Honor & Respect~ We have been taught to treat others with honor and respect. Nothing is more true in a relationship. It cuts quick when your partner will disrespect you in front of friends or family. Kids will even pick up on this and play parents against each other.
B.) Intimacy~ There are multiple ways couples can be together.
1.) ually~ Many couples bond ually, keep a good relationship going and guage if a relationship is faltering solely on . It is the identifiable thing. Matching ual Libidos was the most important thing for 15% of the people in one poll. Of the forums I have been on the biggest gripe is one partner wants it more then the other and they tend to feel hurt or dejected.
One thing to always remember is that those butterflies you first felt where chemicals in your body dopamine and nor epinephrine which fade quickly, thus the rush. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love you partner as much, just nature knows you can not keep producing those chemicals at that level. Nature has done it’s job now it is up to you to keep it going.
2.) Togetherness~ All intimacy doesn’t have to be ual in nature. Cuddling is the greatest way to bond. often ends up in cuddling. You always save the best for last.
C.) Faithfulness~ Of the couples polled on why they stay faithful love or the fear of losing their partner was a dominating factor. Love and faithfulness go hand and hand. How can you claim higher love if you choose to hurt them. In the process you cover it up by not communicating with them, and breaking their trust in you.
Continued below draconis
Before anybody reads this and has a cow this is my disclaimer. This is my opinion only on the matter at hand. I believe this is why my marriage is doing so well. This is only my opinion. I have gathered this through life experiences and talking on many forums. I hope this helps some people that they read this and honestly look at their relationship and look for ways to improve it. Feel free to comment on it anyway you see fit.
What makes a relationship work and what are the keys.
I.) Communication~ An Open line of communication can build a great relationship, keep it moving or repair it when there is damage to it. In my view there is nothing more important then being able to talk to your partner about every thing. By communicating I know my wife what she wants and what she expects. The lack of communication almost lost a great thing. The ability to communicate not only saved it but strengthened us.
A.) Listen~ A part of communication has to be the ability to listen. No one wants to spill their heart out if the other person isn’t listening or just paying lip service.
1.) Boundaries~ Listen to what your partner thinks as far as limits. Is hugging okay, how about dancing with someone else? Knowing where your boundaries are can keep you from having to repair a relationship.
B.) Acceptance~ You have to be able to accept what you are being told from your partner. Saying you do doesn’t help if you can’t or refuse to use the information.
C.) Sharing~ You must be willing to share the good and the bad of the day or even your dreams to communicate well.
D.) Conflict Resolution~ Use communication to solve your problems. Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can’t or will not compromise or they can’t understand what the other wants. Arguing is the worst form of talking because things not meant to be said are out of anger and most arguments would not happen if there was good communication.
II.) Trust~ If you trust your partner it is easier to communicate with them. there is less jealousy. Although I put trust behind Communication it is only because trust can not save a marriage but can make it stronger. If trust is lost it has to be rebuilt with communication.
A.) Honesty~ A large amount of trust can be built from honesty in everything you do and say. For every lie you tell you must tell a thousand truths to be a square one.
B.) Dependable~ If you say you are going to do it, do it. There is only so many times you can make and break a promise before people no longer take your word for it.
C.) Forgiveness~ Once something is in the past there is no need to bring it up to be solved again. I am not saying that if your partner cheats you should forget the whole thing and more on but if s/he forgets to do the laundry and you have made it a point and they do something to make up for it there is no reason to bring it up six months later. This only drags a relationship down.
III.) Love~ Loving yourself and loving your partner is an important part of a relationship. If you do not love yourself then you will not be able to love another other then be co-dependant on them. Truly loving them will keep the fires burning and wanting to trust, communicate and be faithful to them.
A.) Honor & Respect~ We have been taught to treat others with honor and respect. Nothing is more true in a relationship. It cuts quick when your partner will disrespect you in front of friends or family. Kids will even pick up on this and play parents against each other.
B.) Intimacy~ There are multiple ways couples can be together.
1.) ually~ Many couples bond ually, keep a good relationship going and guage if a relationship is faltering solely on . It is the identifiable thing. Matching ual Libidos was the most important thing for 15% of the people in one poll. Of the forums I have been on the biggest gripe is one partner wants it more then the other and they tend to feel hurt or dejected.
One thing to always remember is that those butterflies you first felt where chemicals in your body dopamine and nor epinephrine which fade quickly, thus the rush. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love you partner as much, just nature knows you can not keep producing those chemicals at that level. Nature has done it’s job now it is up to you to keep it going.
2.) Togetherness~ All intimacy doesn’t have to be ual in nature. Cuddling is the greatest way to bond. often ends up in cuddling. You always save the best for last.
C.) Faithfulness~ Of the couples polled on why they stay faithful love or the fear of losing their partner was a dominating factor. Love and faithfulness go hand and hand. How can you claim higher love if you choose to hurt them. In the process you cover it up by not communicating with them, and breaking their trust in you.
Continued below draconis