rcaco
02-18-2005, 11:17 PM
I’m in quite the dilemma here. My girlfriend and I were basically forced to move out; her being 19, me being 20. We’ve been dating for four years and she has been quite the clean person: keeping a clean room, getting mad when I left my jacket on the floor in her room, etc. But since we’ve moved out, it’s like a whole new person I’m seeing.
We moved into a 580sq foot apartment, but before we moved in, we made a mutual decision before we moved of what we were going to do regarding every aspect of living together. This was to iron out any problems and to have a game plan. Her part of this was to clean the apartment, which she gladly wanted to do and said she’d do it once a week. My big job was to handle the finances: deposit pay, pay bills, pay our credit cards, loans, investments, etc. They may not seem comparable, but they are equally time consuming and stressful. The minor cleaning, ie dishes, emptying garbage was deamed mutual work.
Tonight she had her little brother over, as I was cooking dinner (which I’m always the one to cook) and I was just making a joke that women should be responsible for all the cooking and cleaning (which I do not agree with, but was just kidding). Her brother turned around and said, “But you do all the cooking and cleaning around here, so are you a woman.” That’s when I got quite mad, because it is true -- I do all the cleaning. Now either he noticed this, having only come over four times, or she tells him this.
It’s been about a month now, and she has cleaned only once. And let’s just say the effort was way below par. She cleaned the kitchen, and only the kitchen. First all the crumbs from the counter ended up on the floor. Then she took the “Swifter,” which you must pick everything off the floor before using since it only polishes the floor, and she cleaned the floor with it. This left crumbs all over the place, but did give us a shiny floor. Job complete in her mind.
I’m always left to do all the cleaning (I mean all of it – the bathroom, scrubbing the floors, cleaning the toilets). I always clean all the dishes because she’ll just leave them in the sink until we run out – then she’ll wash them (that’s only if I hadn’t yet). I don’t mind cleaning dishes, as they are mine as well. Tonight for example, I made a big dinner for her, her brother, and myself. After she and her brother finish, she rinses their plates off, leaves it in the sink and puts her coat on. They were headed to the club house to play pool, while I’m left with a kitchen full of dirty pots and pans on the stove and food all over. The least I expected her to do was to say “do you need any help,” but no she left saying it was ludicrous to clean right away.
I always clean the bathroom. Some how she doesn’t notice the dust or her leg hairs that cover the tub when she shaves. She doesn’t notice the garbage can is overfilling. She doesn’t seem to notice the mirror is covered with makeup that missed her face.
I tell her about these things and she still doesn’t care. I tell her that we made an agreement and she must pull her weight around here. There are more things she doesn’t clean, but I just want to make it short. I don’t expect her to do it all. I will change the bag if the can is over flowing, I will wipe the floor if I notice something spilled on it, etc. I don’t expect her to do things like that just being she has the cleaning job. What bothers me is that she doesn’t do the actual cleaning, ie the floors, the toilet.
One of her favorite excuses is that she doesn’t have time. She goes to school from 10-3 everyday and works 15 hours max a week. Whereas I’m at school 8-5 daily, work 30 hours a week, and have to take care of anything and everything related to living and keeping this apartment up to par. But yet she is able to always hang at the clubhouse with friends, but some how none of this clicks that she has plenty of time to do this compared to me.
Any help would be great. I don’t want this to begin to hurt our relationship and I especially don’t want a wife who can’t do these minimal tasks in the future.
We moved into a 580sq foot apartment, but before we moved in, we made a mutual decision before we moved of what we were going to do regarding every aspect of living together. This was to iron out any problems and to have a game plan. Her part of this was to clean the apartment, which she gladly wanted to do and said she’d do it once a week. My big job was to handle the finances: deposit pay, pay bills, pay our credit cards, loans, investments, etc. They may not seem comparable, but they are equally time consuming and stressful. The minor cleaning, ie dishes, emptying garbage was deamed mutual work.
Tonight she had her little brother over, as I was cooking dinner (which I’m always the one to cook) and I was just making a joke that women should be responsible for all the cooking and cleaning (which I do not agree with, but was just kidding). Her brother turned around and said, “But you do all the cooking and cleaning around here, so are you a woman.” That’s when I got quite mad, because it is true -- I do all the cleaning. Now either he noticed this, having only come over four times, or she tells him this.
It’s been about a month now, and she has cleaned only once. And let’s just say the effort was way below par. She cleaned the kitchen, and only the kitchen. First all the crumbs from the counter ended up on the floor. Then she took the “Swifter,” which you must pick everything off the floor before using since it only polishes the floor, and she cleaned the floor with it. This left crumbs all over the place, but did give us a shiny floor. Job complete in her mind.
I’m always left to do all the cleaning (I mean all of it – the bathroom, scrubbing the floors, cleaning the toilets). I always clean all the dishes because she’ll just leave them in the sink until we run out – then she’ll wash them (that’s only if I hadn’t yet). I don’t mind cleaning dishes, as they are mine as well. Tonight for example, I made a big dinner for her, her brother, and myself. After she and her brother finish, she rinses their plates off, leaves it in the sink and puts her coat on. They were headed to the club house to play pool, while I’m left with a kitchen full of dirty pots and pans on the stove and food all over. The least I expected her to do was to say “do you need any help,” but no she left saying it was ludicrous to clean right away.
I always clean the bathroom. Some how she doesn’t notice the dust or her leg hairs that cover the tub when she shaves. She doesn’t notice the garbage can is overfilling. She doesn’t seem to notice the mirror is covered with makeup that missed her face.
I tell her about these things and she still doesn’t care. I tell her that we made an agreement and she must pull her weight around here. There are more things she doesn’t clean, but I just want to make it short. I don’t expect her to do it all. I will change the bag if the can is over flowing, I will wipe the floor if I notice something spilled on it, etc. I don’t expect her to do things like that just being she has the cleaning job. What bothers me is that she doesn’t do the actual cleaning, ie the floors, the toilet.
One of her favorite excuses is that she doesn’t have time. She goes to school from 10-3 everyday and works 15 hours max a week. Whereas I’m at school 8-5 daily, work 30 hours a week, and have to take care of anything and everything related to living and keeping this apartment up to par. But yet she is able to always hang at the clubhouse with friends, but some how none of this clicks that she has plenty of time to do this compared to me.
Any help would be great. I don’t want this to begin to hurt our relationship and I especially don’t want a wife who can’t do these minimal tasks in the future.