Stuck at a dead end... Very confused.

[HelphelpPLZ]

I am 18... My Ex girlfriend is 16. We broke up today for the 3rd time in 2 months... This time was final though. Theres still a possibillity of us getting back together and i'd like that because i enjoy having her around and being with her but I have been having problems lately. It seems that whenever we're apart i miss her and whenever things become secure and we're in a perfectly fine relationship i get mad at her for no reason and just wanna be away from her. I have had a problem with my wrist where i can not get a job or even my license yet so i have no cash flow and i'm sort of depressed... I'm thinking i need to maybe secure things with myself before i get into a relationship but i'm not one to understand myself. I mean i don't even know if i love her or wht's going on in my head. Sometimes i'd do anything for her.. others i couldn't care less about her. I really really need help with this... if anyone has any comments or questions i'd appreciate it if you reply to this.. PLEASE!

[eightball61]

For your confusing mind you first need to determine "do you want her back or no". I point this out because you do add at the begining of the thread that you are through with thing and then add that you have the possibility of getting together again. This is very for you to figure out because this iwould be the first step in revovering off and moving on.

Your feeling this way when you both break up because you been together for a while and you both miss the times together that you had. When you think upon that it makes you miss her and want back into a relationship with her. When you are dating her then you feel relaxed and the relationship picks up right where it was left off.

If you get back with her then you need to realize to take it a different approach and maybe slower to regain what was missing. Sure in many relationships we all settle down and become boring but people have to realize to keep the blood flowing or they will lose all interest in the relationship. The flipside to this is you both can just stop dating keep yoursefl busy with friends or join a group until you can get back on your feet. You spend to much time think about her which brings the emotions back. The mind is powerful and you have to find a way to beat it.

[HelphelpPLZ]

Yesterday when i told her it was over she cried and cried for about 6 hours and probably still is today. I felt bad but i belive i was doing the right thing.. if she were to go talk to other guys or soemthing i'd still feel real jealous. i'm trying to get a job to get my mind off of things but i'm not getting many replies. So my question is this, What do you think will happen.. because she tells me she;ll never forget me and all that... i mean she was threatening suicide.. (she never would she wwas just saying it) do you think we'll both get over it and drift apart or that we'll take a break and get back together... what is your opinon?
as of right now we agreed not to talk to each other during this break. so thanks in advance.

[eightball61]

Rich(a poster on here), has said this before and is true that she is just threatening suiside because she wants you to go back to her and thats a thing to draw you in. My girlfriend said the same thing when we went on a brake and I told her I will call for help if she ever threatens that again. She did because of the same reason I listed and she was so lost. If someone really wanted to kill themselves then they would just do it.

I agree you did the right thing on taking a break of nt talking for sometime and maybe in a week or so call her to catch up on things. You need to figure out stuff for your life. The direction is pointing she is not for you so you need to stop going back thier and get you life on track instead. Its hard to get a job and I will say that. You have applied but wait to see what happens. For the time being though you could try a position in the food business so you can get some kind of income and keep active.

Also, its tough to forget about a first love and I am sure she will always be in your heart but you have to realize there is a time to move on when things are not working out. There are too many visiable signs that this relationship can't go on any further right now. You see that and broke up with her. You can't just go back because you miss her company. You want to go back when you see that it may work out but you have tried that a few times and not once it worked so that just shows another try will not help.

[HelphelpPLZ]

if it's not too much trouble could you tell me the visible signs that signifies it's not working? Thanks again.. your being a great help

[HelphelpPLZ]

how are you doing are you crying alot still
"yeah im shaking all the time i keep throwing up and i havent stopped crying" That's what she said to me online tonight... shes taking it way hard. it makes me feel terrible.

[MissCheivious]

First off, I'd just like to say, I'm sorry about your breakup. They're tough at any age. From what you said, you're feelings are pretty off and on. That's normal at your age. You're both very, very young and you're just starting out so, relationships and the feelings that go with them are new and usually pretty intense. Most adults that have their lives "together" find it hard to keep a relationship together so that's not the issue here. I think that although you do love her, you care if she cries and if you hurt her, you're not sure about yourself and that's alot of what goes into a relationship. YOU. Secondly, if you keep getting confused about how you feel about her, that might mean you rely on her too much or that your feelings might not be strong enough for a long term relationship to survive. That's usually the case when you're in your teens. You said something about drifting apart and that's a good sign of where you think this would go. You could try and try to stay together but you'll end up drifting apart. You're both so young and so many things will happen to you that's it's almost inevitable. I know that's not what you want to hear but, honestly, it is. If you miss her (which you will ;) ), try doing something to take your mind off it. I know this is easier said than done, but you can do it. Finding a hobby or a new job will help but again, that's easier said than done. You two are so young and I know it's feels like you'll never find someone you can talk to like you could with her or someone you'll be as comfortable with but, you will. If in a year, if you feel the same way about her, I suggest you try to get back together then but a year is a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Lots of things can happen by then. Don't call her. If she calls, don't talk to her. You're doing this for her and for you and like I said, if in a year, you can't stop thinking about her, give her a call. Hopefully this can help you a bit. I know it's hard. Hang in there. :)

[HelphelpPLZ]

Could anyone explain why i feel so in love with her some times and others i just hate her even thoguh she doesn't do anything wrong??

[MissCheivious]

Sure, that's easy. You don't love her. Not to say that you don't have loving feelings for her but you're not truly in love with her. When you truly love someone, there are days when you get annoyed by that person, there are even times when you might feel like they're not the person for you but at the end of that bad day, you look over and you see that sometimes annoying person and say to yourself "I do love this person even though they annoy me to death sometimes". That kind of love comes with time and finding yourself. Like I said, you can't bring much to a relationship if you don't know yourself. Alot of times when you're young, these feelings are new and you think you're in complete control of them and that you know what you want but, it takes a while to figure all that stuff out. You're both young and maybe you're not emotionally equipped to have a big relationship right now. Case in point, you love her one minute, the next minute you don't. You need to look at how you treat her when you think you don't love her. If you treat her poorly, you're not ready to be with her or vice versa. It takes years to get that point (in most cases) so take your time. When the right person comes along, it's not so complicated. It will pretty much fall into place.

[eightball61]

You can make what ever you want work to work. You both have broken up numerous times and your feelings are just never there when you both get back together. You need a good break from each other or a different approach to make it work if you were back together.

You did state from the first post that this time is the final though. You need to take that into consideration and give it a good break. Its good to keep incontact if you both are not fighting. You need some space to figure thing out and the true value if this is worth to keep going or not. To me there is no point in being with someone that you have broken up with numerous times and the feelings are just never the same . Its not an easy process and you take the approach the way you want to but going back out with her has proven not to work so what does that leave you with?