Past Relationship

[veridian]

Hi everyone,

I know this is a cliche subject thats been discussed but I think my instance is a tad different. I've been tossing it around in my head for the past few months and haven't quite found a way to feel okay with it or even come to terms with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

So here goes.... I met a gal last year in January and became pretty good friends with her. I was currently dating someone and now I've learned that this gal felt rejected by me because I talked about my girlfriend with her. I thought that would be okay? Anyways, she got involved with a guy for about a month and broke up with him shortly after. By July I was single and we decided to give it a go and date. We are so happy together and the laughter never stops... but.... being the serious guy that I am I cant get over something I learned... and I could use some help understanding my feelings and perhaps not feeling 100% alone in the world.

The guy she dated for a month... she had a ual relationship with him. Fine. Yeah normally that bothers most guys but thats not the part that bothers me. My #1 question was... what was his past like? "He wouldnt tell me." Okay I can deal with that... Next question... did she use protection. "I'm so stupid he used the "s dont fit me" story and I believed him. And I was on the pill!" Her response is "It was a stupid mistake I don't know what got into me!" For some reason this seems really irresponsible to me. She consistently did this for a while.

I can't understand why i get this gut-wrenching feeling and I constantly am asking myself "Do I really want this to continue." I come up with "Yes." everytime because shes absolutely wonderful! However I can't seem to make the "ouchie gut" feeling go away whenever I think about it. I'm not sure if I'm being a complete nutjob upstairs or I'm valid in questioning her loyalty and morals as she might have another "mistake" or not think highly of herself. Maybe the gut wrenching feeling comes from the worry that my inability to deal with this is causing waves in our relationship and I'm worried I'll never figure it out and we'll split. I really don't want that... I don't think?

*confused*

Any advice for a headcase like myself?

[bdtraders]

My question to you is she clean from diseases right now? If so then her past shouldnt matter to you. She didnt cheat on you cause you two were not dating when she was with the other guy. To me you have no reason not to trust her until she gives you a reason to think otherwise. We ALL make stupid mistakes when it comes to our past. If you really care for her let the past go, if you dont its going to seriously put a strain on your relationship. Keep in mind that could have choosen to not answer your questions at all about her past ual experience, but she cares about you so gave you answers to them. It might take time to get it out of your mind cause we all at one time or another have had our heads screw with us, (mine does alot) but you have to find your own way to let it go. Its the past, she wasnt yours at the time and shes never cheated on you. Hope that helps if at all.

[veridian]

Yeah shes free of disease... thats not really my concern. The cheating part is good advice, thanks.

What seems to bug me the most is... will she make poor decisions in the future like this and do I want to be involved with someone who does?

[bdtraders]

poor decisions in general or related? if they are related and shes with you then they were both your decisions, if shes makes a decision when shes with you to cheat on you then let her go unless you can work past it. If its about poor decisions in general look at her track record, shes how old and she made those couple of mistakes with the guy she was daitng at the time. It happens, we all make poor decisions in life, I will be the first to admit i have made hundreds of awful decisions, does that mean i am a bad person, no im a great guy, but through those mistakes i have learned a great deal and have matured alot. Did i hurt people with my decisions, yes i did and i regret it daily, but i cant change the past all i can do is face the future and not make the same mistakes and try to avoid new ones.
I think shes cares about you alot or she wouldnt have told you her mistakes,she would have lied about all that stuff. I know you care about her. Take each day for what its worth and dont think what if she makes more poor decisions in the futur, she will and so will you, but be there for her when she does and work on them together or walk away.
I recently am discovering that I will give all i can to a realtionship and if my GF dosent give me back what i need at least i know i tried. Same goes for you, dont be waiting for something to happen, just live your life with her and handle things as they arise. We all will stunble, we all will make bad choices it how we rebound and move forward after that that matters. When you get a chance read some of the other threads on here they will help. I am new to this myself but being able to open up on here and have people give me thier help and advice as well as friends i have , have helped me alot. I still take each day at a time and i still am scared each day but i have to makethe best of it. This is a great group of people and we will always be here for you to ask anything, we wont judge and we will try to help as much as possible.

[veridian]

Thats some interesting perspective. That'll most certainly give me something to chew on for a bit. Thanks bd.

[eightball61]

Cheating and the past is both of the issues here. When people go through cheating and try to regain a relationship back its the hardest thing because the human mind triggers off a lot of bad insecurities that eventually causes a breakup. If you stay with her then you both may need to seek some kind of counseling so you can learn to deal with these fears but most important you both have to work together.

It takes two to do the job and they are both in the wrong here. You & I both know that the story is a joke. So with that known its either grow away from it and accept it because nothing can't change what happened. Its all the past and you both have to just work together in order to survive things.