Is it me?

[FunkMeUp]

Hey-
I have been going out with Nick for about 8 months and I love him to death. He lives a good 45 minuts away but I'm getting my liscence soon so that wont be a problem...He is part of the Bowdion Fire Fighters/EMT and he is like always going to a call. I mean i understand. Now it seems like that comes first. He tells me he will call me at 3pm and he tells me he has to go somewere and he will be back in a hour and he will call me. 8pm rolls in and I don't know what to think. Then around 12am he calls and he doesn't think he did anything even remotely wrong. I'm frusterated cuz i have treid to talk to him but he just keeps saying that he can't help it that he has to go places and he is srry and we don't have to break up. I don't want to break up with him but...Everytime he starts to tlak to me, he has to go somewere or do this or that or he is too tired er shit...I don't know what to think anymore...I dunno if he loves me cuz i mean he is gone 24.7 eventhough he still says he does. I'm frusterated...Help me!?! AM i being too clingy to him?
~N-Dawg

[smackie9]

Sound like he isn't fullfilling your expectations, to what a boyfriend should be. He isn't going to change his situation for you, sad but true. If you want more of a relationship, it's time to move on and meet someone else. It will hurt but there's always something better up ahead, you just don't know that right now.

[MissCheivious]

You're not being too clingly, that's for sure. You wanting to spend some actual time with your b/f doesn't make you clingly, that makes you in love with him. If he makes you feel that way when you want time with him, that's not a good sign. Most of the time men will want to spend time with you without you having to tell them. Contrary to how they behave, they also know when they've done something wrong (like NOT calling you when they say they will) even when they act like nothing in the world is wrong. If you really want this to work out, ignore him. That's right. Show him that you too have a life and you don't sit by the phone waiting for him (even if that might be true ;) ). If that doesn't wake him up then you need to dump him and don't go into a long explaination as to why you're dumping him. He'll know and if he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Hope it works out for you. :)

[eightball61]

That is a fustrating field and I am a volenteer firefighter so I see his side of things. He can't control when these calls that come in because they do at odd hours. Being a volenteer though you can go whenever you can make it but when he is hired by them as a position then he is obligated to make it when a call comes in. People that are in this field have to be denicated to the job. If you are not motivated enough then that person doesn't belong. I work 2 jobs and make it to calls on my down or sleeping ours. I really dont know what to add here accept for dating someone in this field you have to adjust to the denication.

[veridian]

Hi Funkmeup,

If I've learned anything about dating, its that different people want different things out of a relationship.

Working in health care myself I understand his side of the story. We tend to be on call *all* of the time and even moreso being an EMT. However, correct me if I'm wrong but I'm assuming hes doing shift work? You may want to find out what hes doing on his time off.

Dating healthcare workers may seem like you're dating someones shadow, especially ones with "call" duties. This is something you may want to consider living with or letting go if hes being honest about his time.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck!

[FunkMeUp]

I hate him and I hate myself...::cries::...I was waiting for him to call me back after he called me around 5pm last night and he didn't call me back so i called his cell phone this morning and it was off so i called his house and he totally didn't talk to me like I was his g.f...so I said out load when i got off the phone "O you wanna place this game...I'll play it...Let it begin..." and so he hasn't called me back and so just like 2 minuts ago i called and left a message on his phone saying "oh i see how it is, i'll play this game...It's over.." then i hung up...::cries::...I wanna see how he reacts...Fu*cking c*u*nt
~N-Dawg

[Rich]

Did I miss something?

Wouldn't that be...F*cking Asshole....rather than F*cking C*nt? It's a guy that you're pissed at right? LOL

What I don't understand is why people want to subject themselves to angst and negativity. Why get pissed at this guy and harbor all of this ill will?

Just move on. Be adult. Tell yourself that you don't need, nor do you want this type of relationship and then just end it. You'll find someone else. This isn't the only guy in the world for you.

Just drop him and don't get yourself so worked up. Life's too short.

Rich

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[FunkMeUp]

actually technically it doesn't matter what gender it is...I can still call him that...and you don't know if this is the only guy for me...I'm not getting worked up either...You havn't seen me worked up anyways...So know your role or shut yur hole

[Rich]

LOL

That's just so mature of you.

Obviously being so young you're not ready to grasp the true nature of what a mature, understanding or loving relationship is. So I won't waste my time responding to your inquiries.

Rich

[FunkMeUp]

ooo but you just did...But Your just a load i wish your mom swallowed

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[eightball61]

Basically what Rich is saying is that games are not the best way to go. If he is acting like this, can't spare 5 minutes to call you, and causing you all this grief then just end it to get it over and done with. You are hanging on to grief and actually hanging on hoping things will change. Things will not change so its your choice on what to make for a decision from there. If you want a little more happiness in your life and less grief then you need to get rid of the obsticles that bring you there and in this case its him.

If you are not happy then why are you holding on?

[FunkMeUp]

I am sad now but that dosn't mean i can't be happy soon...I'm not the type to give up that easily...I don't give up on something stupid like you say i should...Srry but I ain't no quiter when it comes to love...

[eightball61]

Where not telling you to quit but dont play the games. There is only so much trying you can do before you quit. If you try and nothing comes out of it then you lose out on the time wasted. Give it a chance to some degree but if you get no wheres it olny leaves you with one choice.

[FunkMeUp]

there not games...what the hell kinda thing...GAMES? It's life not Games...the frick...WOW...i'm out of this board...'Phish'

[eightball61]

i called and left a message on his phone saying "oh i see how it is, i'll play this game...~N-Dawg


This is a quote from you and this is the game you metioned. You can run off but you can't hide. Your problem will still be there. Playing this game will not help anything. It is up to you but we are just trying to point out whats best for you we are not going to agree to something thats in the favor to you if its not right....sorry but we are here to help and guide.

[FunkMeUp]

i'm not freakin' running away from this hun...the hell man...i have talked to him since then and we have talked about things...it's more complicated then you think...That was then and this is now...This whole thing isn't about attitude...I am not running away from my relationship i'm running away from YOU PEOPLE who are just making this problem worse then it is and personally you havn't helped...

[eightball61]

We are perfectly calm...the only person that is not calm is you. We can help you out but you need to be open minded and accept different opinions. If this is the route you don't wish to go then fine...I have no hard feelings.

I did notice you dropped the game subect rather quickly when I pointed out your words. Try to be open minded and see what we have to say about this. We offer an opinion and you come back with defense like it insulted you. We are not here to do that. All I ask is you calm down some and try to be open minded. I know you dont give up but you have to realize in the real world you can't have it all your way.

[b00bah]

??? Rich is right, u should understand what he is saying. This guy is upsetting you and obviously not as commited to the relationship as you are.

....so hes a fireman and hes out on call, it wouldnt hurt him to call you when he gets back, but he doesnt. That should tell you something......your wasting your time!

[eightball61]

your wasting your time!

But she wont give up that easy b00bah. She stated it and she isn't going to give up. Personally I don't know what there is she can do if she can't be open and see what another person can see. All she sees is what she wants to see rather than clicking her mind in reality mode. I will say I am in that field as a volenteer and on his defense it doe require but there is always time to call someone...even 5 minutes. The way most departments work out thier schedules is that he would work like 2 days and get 2 off. Still though there is time to call even if its before bed.

[Rich]

Guys.....don't waste your breath on this one.

Too young, immature, argumentative and closed minded to get any value from what would be said here.

Quite honestly you have to wonder why this person ever posted?

[eightball61]

Quite honestly you have to wonder why this person ever posted?

Maybe she doesn't even know that :confused: This type of site you have to be opened minded to ideas and some you like and some you may not but you still have to be open minded.

[Rich]

Agreed.

Her mind is still closed.

Also very insecure as a person by the way that she lashes out with insults when she doesn't like what she hears.

A lot of growing up still to do. Any relationship right now for this person is going to have issues because that act wears thin real quick.

[eightball61]

True and reationships take maturity and being able to be open-minded to differences. This is what makes a relationship successful to me. Sure we start off in relationship in an immature way but its a learning process and we gain maturity as time goes. If the maturity never clicks it makes it that much harder to date in adulthood.

[MissCheivious]

Maybe she doesn't even know that :confused: This type of site you have to be opened minded to ideas and some you like and some you may not but you still have to be open minded.Totally. Plus alot of what people have to say, most DON'T want to hear. Especially if you're hurting and all you want to hear is "You're gonna get back together and everything will work out great!". I'd love to hear that! LOL The thing about this forum is simple, you post and ask for advice. It's not gospel truth or how to live your life. If we all had the answers, this board wouldn't exists and no one would ever breakup. Take all advice with a grain of salt. Every person can contribute something worthwhile to make a you think because they're not emotionally invested in the situation and can see thing a bit more clearly. In this case, well, gotta be honest and just say it must be a joke. If you can't handle someone you don't even know telling you something you don't want to hear, maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with any person. Maybe some thearpy or meds are in order. The "lashing out" is just attention. Plain and simple. I haven't been here long but I've noticed most of the people who post regularly don't give crappy advice and don't say things that are intentionally mean.

[eightball61]

Oh I agree with you there because some people will post here thinking they are in the right rather than the wrong and they come here for support on thier side. As I said though though they have to be open minded because we take the post and analyse it to what we think is going on. We are not professions but we are calling how we see it. It helps in many way though because even though the poster may see no wrong on thier end and when they are open minded then they may be able to see the other points addressed. Its a never ending battle and some you win and some you lose. I wont fight if i am in the wrong but I will punch out my thoughts if I know I am right.

[darkw00ds]

ooo but you just did...But Your just a load i wish your mom swallowed

Grow up.. Jeez...