Extremely troubled past..

[PreciousYaya]

Hello everyone,
I just want to thank you in advance for any advice given to me. I will make this short and try not to go too into detail here. .... I am dating this guy, and everything is just perfect. He makes me feel wonderful, knows what to say, and treats me like a queen. :) However there is one little problem. He has a very troubled past. ANything negative you could name he has been through from ual abuse, drug addiction, gangs, prison... you name it. all at a very young age He is not like that at all anymore and has stayed away from all that because he wants a better life for himself. I like him for who he is now and don't care about his past. The only thing here is many times he confeses things to me that he has been through and I want to offer advice, but don't know what to say. I have never known anyone in prison, or who did drugs before. I sometimes feel bad because I was never exposed to any of this and he has gone through so much since he was 11. He has grown up quickly. Recently he told me about the whole being abused when he was 11 and I know it still troubles him. Does anyone have any advice on what I'm supposed to say or handle all this? I want him to know I'm there for him, just that I never know what to say. I listen and dont say anything back. Thanks for reading this and for any advice :)

[draconis]

Sometimes just listening and understanding what he has been through is enough. I would be careful that his past doesn't come back to haunt you both.

draconis

[eightball61]

Sometimes just listening and understanding what he has been through is enough. I would be careful that his past doesn't come back to haunt you both.

draconis

I completely agree with Drac here. He may not need to hear your advice. He it just seems as if he finally has someone in his life that he can trust so he needs to let out how he is feeling.

[Rich]

You just said it. Tell him exactly what you told us here. Tell him that you're there for him but there are times that you don't know what to say, or do. It's ok to not know what to say. We all always don't have the right words at the right moment.

I'm sure just listening, not judging and understanding him means alot to him.

True love doesn't judge, it accepts. Only you know where his heart truly is and we can't answer that for you.

Love means jumping in and taking chances. You need to weigh ALL the things that need to be considered and then decide what to do.

Will his criminal record prevent him from getting a good job and properly supporting you and your kids? When times get tough between you two (and they will), will he go back to using drugs as an escape? Has the abuse cause irreperable emotional damage that professional counseling will be needed to help heal? Can he heal?

All things for you to consider. They say that love conquers all, but reality is reality. You need to have a good job to pay bills and raise a family. You need to stay away from dependencies that ruin lives. People in a relationship need to be emotionally secure and grounded for the relationship to be a healthy, secure and loving one.

The answers I'm afraid are within your heart and soul. I'd say to meditate and listen to your guides. In life you need to listen to your guides as they are only working for your highest good and love of self.

Often times though we let our mind and logic take control and fight what our "gut" has told us. Don't we often make a choice and then it doesn't work out and we tell ourselves, "I knew it wasn't going to work", or "I knew I should have went this way instead?"

Go within and listen. Then "trust" what you have been told.