any adivce welcome...major dilema...

[kolumbo]

My girlfriend and i have been together for 7 months now. I ll be cliche and say that i love her more than my life. Which to many of you may answer my question. Actually, im not even sure i have a question.

Recently she told me that 7 years ago she worked as an . Now, call me biggoted, narrow minded or whatever, but i had and admdmitedly still have preconceptions, judgements, thoughts about what it means to be an , selling ... I like to think of my self as a non judgemental person and this has tested that. I still love her. Maybe more than ever for having the courage to tell me.
The problem is that i cant get it out of my head. When she told me i had a physical reaction and almost saw a different person. When we make love i cant get out of my head that people have paid her for that. i feel really confused by it. To be honest im not sure why im posting this here. I suppose to get some insight, advice...i dont know. I may have pissed some of you for my narrow minded ideas. I dont mean to. I want to stay with her, but i dont want to have to see that or be reminded of it every time we are together.

it...i dont know.

Anway. id apprieciate any response. If your gonna slate me...take it easy.
Please.

[smackie9]

Dear Kolumbo, Your reaction is quite normal. Having past lovers or customers (in her case) can be a little troublesome and can extend to a trust issue as well. It wasn't much as an issue when you first started dating, but as your feelings grow for her, you are feeling maybe some jelousy too. Aleast she was up front about it, and had not lied to you about her past. Now it's your turn to tell her how you feel. Sometimes talking about it, and hopefully with her understanding, will work itself out. Remember she can't change the past, but I sure she wishes she could. Now that your relationship is serious, you could try couples counselling. Your doctor can help you find a good program suited for your situation. She is a very lucky lady to have someone like you who really cares. The best of luck to both of you, ;) Cheers!

[kolumbo]

She doesnt wish she could change anything. She has no regrets and is glad that she did it. This kinda makes it worse and harder to deal with...

[eightball61]

Those kind of people see it as a job and an easy way to make good money if in the dyer need for money. We all have past that we regret. She doesn't regret hers but it does bother you a lot and would do the same for me. I can't really guide you on where to go from here because this will be in memory for quite sometime. IT would have been better if she told you at the beginging but some people just dont want to release the past. She did though and it shows me that she is truelly honest about things. Your mind will either have to be tricked to let that go or there will be no other way to get over it.

[smackie9]

Sorry to hear that Kolumbo. Selling yourself for , I find that ( as a woman) very degrading. If that is how she feels, what kind of personality does she have? I would be questioning her moral values. What would she tell her future daughter, that prostitution ok as a career choice?

[kolumbo]

I dont know. But her personality is fantastic. It was a long time ago, and i do agree with her that we can not live with regret because then we cant move on. I love her so much, and im feeling guilty about having doubts. I dont want doubts. i want to be with her, but there is a conflict inside me. A conflict that on one hand says 'run' and on the other hand says 'i cant live without her'
Is hard. Its hard to concentrate nad think and live the day to day life i usually do. My mind and heart are infected and it is spreading through my soul. I know im the only one who can answer myself, but to hear others points of view is important.

She is an amazing woman.
Selfless
caring
compassionate
funny
intelligent
she loves me like i havent ever been loved.

Damn it...im even more confused....

[eightball61]

I love her so much, and im feeling guilty about having doubts..


This is the punch line and why you are confused. This is still all very new to you and will take time to get over. Your reactions are very normal to what people would have on this kind of issue. You can't just stop thinking about it and moving on. You feel discusted in some ways to like when you are having with her you think about people paying her to do this.

Its all fresh to you and will take time to get over. This is not something that will get done over night. Its going to take time and you both have to realize this.

[bdtraders]

kolumbo i dont know if this will help or not but i had a previous GF who in a past relationship of hers her BF was very abusive and also would bring guys home to have with her. She was in love with him and thought that if she didnt do what she told him he would leave her. Over the years with him she learned this was not right and left him. When me and her got together she told a few months into the relationship about her past and that she had been tested and was clean but was scared i would leave her because of her past. The thought did cross my mind but i cared about her also. I took awhile and finally the thoughts past, every once and a while they would resurface again but i would push them aside and tell myself, that was her past and this is now, she didnt have to tell me about it and could have kept it a secret but she cared for me enough to trust in me and open up to me much like your GF has done with you. Give it time and it will pass for you to, its her past and if it helps think of it this way, of the guys she ed shes with you now and not them, she loves you and was able to open up and be honest with you about it, she cares about you so much she didnt want skeletons in her closet in your relationship.

[kolumbo]

thank you for your encouragement.
it does help. The one thing i am really strugglng with right now is lonliness. I cant go talk to any of my friends about it, as they know her...and it wud create problems. so other than her i dont have anyone to talk to and it taking its toll. Frustration, stress, and phenomonal lonliness.

thanks again.

[MissCheivious]

I almost didn't respond to this because it looks like most of the regulars here gave you some good advice. :) I'll add a bit to it though because I'm a busy body. ;) I think this is one of those things that you have to figure out for yourself. Naturally, that is how most things are but a couple of different things come into play on this one. You're going to have to consider how much you can let this go. Are you good at forgiving and forgetting? Do you obsess over things continiously? Will you get mad one day and throw this up in her face? The best way to know if you'll ever "get over" something is time and well, knowing yourself. Personally, I think if you love her and it's in the past and you've VERY sure that it is, I think you should stick it out. If you think you might obsess unnaturally over it, I think the best thing to do is take a break from your relationship with her. If you distance yourself from her for a bit, you might see that you love her too damn much to let this come between you. I think you have a good shot at staying with her. She was honest enough to tell you and that's a good sign. I hope this helps a bit. Don't worry about being lonely. Someone is always here to answer you or just talk if you need to. That's the good thing about the internet, it's 24/7. :D Good luck to you. :)

[smackie9]

Well it sounds like how you feel about her, out weighs what she did in the past. If she means that much to you, talk to her about it. If she is as wonderful as you say, then she, with love and understanding, is the one to help you through this. Because down the road you will realize, with good communication, you two will be able work through any problem. Just be open and honest. Good Luck to you! ;)

[eightball61]

thank you for your encouragement.
it does help. The one thing i am really strugglng with right now is lonliness. I cant go talk to any of my friends about it, as they know her...and it wud create problems. so other than her i dont have anyone to talk to and it taking its toll. Frustration, stress, and phenomonal lonliness.

thanks again.


But you did find a good place to come to talk to good people :D

[kolumbo]

correct. and im gratefull. The net can be a wonderful place...


lets all meet for a cyber coffee...

[eightball61]

I will toast to that but my coffee will be spiked with some Brandy :p