New to Forum and Need Advice Bad!! Please!

[Mystical]

Hi, I am new to the forum and could really need some advice. My best friend and I just got an apartment together. He and I have been best friends for over 5 years and also we have been in a relationship together previously. We are so extrememly close that alot of times we go back into the boyfriend/girlfriend stage so easily. I am hopelessly devoted and in love with him. He knows how I feel about him and he is they type of person that wanders. He doesn't like commitment and doesn't know what love is/or he is afraid of it. Being his best friend I have been able to accept him as he is and be there for him no matter what. We get along so well that no matter where we are at people ask how long we have been married/together. We never fight. We understand each other completely and often finish each other's thoughts. If it was up to me I would address him as my boyfriend to everyone....but I know that we are not in a relationship. But depending on the situation he will address himself as my boyfriend. He got the apartment with me for the fact that he needed a drastic change in his life and he needed to be around someone that he could trust and be himself with. The lease for the apartment is one year and he said that he will be staying the one year as a trial for himself to see how we interact being around each other 24/7 and if he is able to be my boyfriend or stay just friends. He has had the worst luck with past girlfriends who just wanted to screw him over. And I think that that is why he is scared of commiting to one. I have never crossed him, I have never turned my back on him, and I have never double-crossed him. When we had dated previously he had cheated on me with his ex and I knew that he had a problem with commitment....he liked his freedom. I accepted it. But the relationship with him got so serious that he and his father were talking about the fact that he wanted to marry me. About a month after that conversation his father commited suicide and a year after that his grandfather died. He got into a big mess with a one night stand that the woman had a child stating it was his.. he took responsibility then to find out that through DNA testing the child is not his. Which brings him to our new apartment trying to start our lives over. I guess what I am asking is for any advise to help with helping him get over his fear of commitment and to help him discover what love is. I know trying to get him to stop sleeping around would be very hard to do.. but maybe if I can get him to discover what we have and that after all these years that it is love he is feeling it may help... I just don't know what to do. He is my best friend and my love.. he means the world to me... Please Help!!!!

[smackie9]

I know you care very much for him, but living with you isn't going to resolve his issues. From what you have posted, he needs more than a caring friend. He should get some professional counselling to help him through this troubling time in his life. Living with you is only going to add to his confusion. And there is no way he's going to be ready to have a stable, intimate relationship with you. Not untill he gets this all sorted out at least. Support him but you are going to have to put your feelings aside and just be a friend. Maybe stop spending so much time together and the both of you get out and make new friends. I think he needs all the space he can get.

[eightball61]

What you are asking for is a lot. What you need to do is focus on you. You say that you both easily fall for each other but then he goes out and screws other girls. You need to stop the if you both are engaging in that. If you stop the ual activities then that will show the true value on what he is meant to you because if he does respect you then he will respect your wishes. Having an apt. together may be a good building to for you both but the problem is you both are not building together. He still wants to have his fun. Eventually his thoughts will change though but you have to look out for yourself.

[bdtraders]

I agree focus on you, I recently started putting more focus on me and being a little selfish. I still love my GF with all my heart but i need to make myself happy first. The last few days when i have done this she has seemed to changed a bit for the better. Focus on yourself, if he really loves you he will come around. And yes stop the with him.