Fair???

[916love609]

i was just wondering if anyone thinks it is fair if...

a boyfriend gets to go where ever he wants and hang out with or talk to whoever he wants. wear whatever he wants.

but then the gf has to jus sit at home. if she goes n e where she has to wear what he wants her to. has to be with him or talk on the fone to him the whole time and she can only go if he says she can.


i jus wanted to know how people feel about that...:cool:

[Aikoi]

That is not fair, to you. I think two people should be equal in a relationship. You should be able to do whatever he can do. For example, if he flirts, then you should be able to flirt too. That way, you both will know how it's like whenever one of you do something like that. It seems like he's controlling. You shouldn't put up with that. It also seems like he doesn't trust you somehow... Did you give him any reason to not trust you?

[Howard]

I think you need to do things as a couple.Try to talk to him and see what he says.

[eightball61]

i was just wondering if anyone thinks it is fair if...

a boyfriend gets to go where ever he wants and hang out with or talk to whoever he wants. wear whatever he wants.

but then the gf has to jus sit at home. if she goes n e where she has to wear what he wants her to. has to be with him or talk on the fone to him the whole time and she can only go if he says she can.


i jus wanted to know how people feel about that...:cool:


I hope you're not talking about your East Coast boyfriend but if you are please hear me out...

If he lives on the other side of the US and has that much power over you then just think much worse it will be if you move there. If this is you boyfriend then this isn't a good sign and I would have to side with you parents for not liking him. Really think this through before you move because this mental abuse will change to physical.

However if it not you then you now know how we feel so help a friend or yourself out. Either way you/she doesn't need this guy.

[Diablo]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. We all need a measure of time to ourselves and a night out by ourseleves every now and then. You don't drop your friends just because you hook up with someone. If he doesn't understand that, then you two are on a rocky road with stormy weather ahead.

[Howard]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. We all need a measure of time to ourselves and a night out by ourseleves every now and then. You don't drop your friends just because you hook up with someone. If he doesn't understand that, then you two are on a rocky road with stormy weather ahead.


Right,you have to have time for friends and family always.That doesn't mean you should drop your friends just because you have a relationship.It doesn't work that way.

[Rich]

No, it's not good and you're a fool for accepting it. Be your own person and not who someone else wants you to be.

[916love609]

I know wat u are all sayin n i kno it.. but i dont kno wat ta do.. i love him.. and weve tryd breakin up but it doesnt work... we keep cummin bac to each other... i kno i shouldnt let him but thats how i was raised round... my dad is like that with my mom... n like no omatter wat happens i cant break up with him... i try to talk ta him bout it... n he says he will try ta change but he does a lil n then cums back to his old ways... we already talk bout gettn maried n shyt n kids n all that.. n i cant picture my life without him... hes all i eva think bout n i dont evn look at otha guys n i dont wanna eva b wit anotha guy.. like he has a bad anger prob n thats a big part of everythin... buti jus cant let go... i jus wanna a way to make it better...

[Howard]

No, it's not good and you're a fool for accepting it. Be your own person and not who someone else wants you to be.



or someone who puts demands on you or they'll break up the relationship just because you're not living up to their expectations.

[eightball61]

i jus wanna a way to make it better...


You can't make anything better. Only he can make a positive change. Again though, please listen to us and even your parents on this 1. Love is blinding and there is a reason why they don't want you with him. Before you make a move and regret it REALLY think about it. This is your life however a guy like him can impact it in a negative way in many years to come.

[Rich]

You lack self esteem and self confidence. In life we only get treated like crap, if we LET someone treat us like crap.

Once you develop (and I hope that you do) self esteem and self confidence, then you won't let this guy treat you the way that he does. You'll also stop using the cop out that you just can't stay away from each other because it's just that, a cop out. A cop out for not having the guts to know that how he treats you is wrong and that you will make the decision to leave him and not accept that behaviour from anyone.

Think of your BF as alcohol and you have an addiction to it because that's exactly how it is. You know that it's bad for you and will only lead to no good, but you use the excuse that you just can't give it up. That's a cop out for not having will power.

If you know that he's no good for you (and he isn't) but yet you refuse to do anything about it, then don't and moan about your situation.

Instead of trying to change him, work on changing yourself. Try growing to feel proud of who you are. Try getting confidence in yourself that you don't need a man to make you feel good about yourself. Stop with the excuses that you are like your father so you won't bother trying.

Giving up and accepting is easy. Fighting and changing is hard. Life isn't easy. Getting someplace better isn't easy. Sounds like you're taking the easy way out.

[Howard]

In life we only get treated like crap, if we LET someone treat us like crap.



That's what happened to me,I guess I let Robin treat me the way I allowed her too.She kept putting all these demands and expectations on me that I couldn't live up to and I told her that I was trying but she didn't believe me.:(

[Rich]

You always gotta stand your ground Howard. Be you and stick to who you are.

[Howard]

You always gotta stand your ground Howard. Be you and stick to who you are.



and not for someone else who wants you be this or that.If you're happy with what you're doing than do it,if it makes you feel good.

[916love609]

hes nt always like that hes a great bf most the time... he spoils me.. n buys me everythin i want,, n makes me so happy... n hes even trying to change... he let me wear wateava i wanted the otha day n shyt... n when i am there wit him i am able to wear watever i want... jus since were 3000 miles apart if a guy looks at me the wrong way he cant do n e thin bout it... thats y he controls wat i wear when im here... but when im with him i can wear wateva i wat... so i think his main prob is jus the distance... cuz when we were together we had no probs really...

[eightball61]

hes nt always like that hes a great bf most the time... he spoils me.. n buys me everythin i want,, n makes me so happy... n hes even trying to change... he let me wear wateava i wanted the otha day n shyt... n when i am there wit him i am able to wear watever i want... jus since were 3000 miles apart if a guy looks at me the wrong way he cant do n e thin bout it... thats y he controls wat i wear when im here... but when im with him i can wear wateva i wat... so i think his main prob is jus the distance... cuz when we were together we had no probs really...



Remember, we're here to help to stop being blinded by your love for him. You're making excuses instead of seeing reality.

[Howard]

3000 miles? Where do you both live?

[916love609]

i live on west coast.. he lives on east

[Rich]

He controls what you wear and you're ok with that????

Looking at it differently................HE DOESN'T TRUST YOU.

He both has insecurities about loosing you and not trusting you to be faithful when he's not around.

He can get you to fall for the line that "he just doesn't trust what other guys might do" and that's why he wants to control what you wear. But in actuality he doesn't trust YOU!

Wake up.

You're heading down a dark path of having no freedom to be you and of being controlled. If that's the life that you want, then by all means, have fun.

I'm sure that we'll probably read about you in the papers being killed when you finally break up with him and then he stalks and kills you because he feels that he owns you. That if he can't have you, that no one will.

Warning signs are warning signs. Wake up.

[916love609]

when we first started talkin i talkd to another guy for bout a day or too... thats y he thinks he cant trust me... even tho i till him i have never done n e thin wit n e one but him ... n that i have nvr cheated on him... and thats the truth he still doesnt like the fact we live so apart... and he tells me that he just doesnt want guys looking at me.. n shyt... i kno its partly about that guy b4... n he doesnt trust me bout that... n i kno he is insecure and i kno i am... he has even cried to me about it... and we have broken up.. and we jus keep gettin bac together because we kno we belong together... and i told him i dont like him controlin all that so he has started to change... lettin me wear more of i want... and lettin me hang out wit my girls now... so he is trying and i can tell... so i jus dont wanna give up on him.. cause i kno he loves me and i can tel that he is trying to change... and not control me as much...

[eightball61]

when we first started talkin i talkd to another guy for bout a day or too... thats y he thinks he cant trust me... even tho i till him i have never done n e thin wit n e one but him ... n that i have nvr cheated on him... and thats the truth he still doesnt like the fact we live so apart... and he tells me that he just doesnt want guys looking at me.. n shyt... i kno its partly about that guy b4... n he doesnt trust me bout that... n i kno he is insecure and i kno i am... he has even cried to me about it... and we have broken up.. and we jus keep gettin bac together because we kno we belong together... and i told him i dont like him controlin all that so he has started to change... lettin me wear more of i want... and lettin me hang out wit my girls now... so he is trying and i can tell... so i jus dont wanna give up on him.. cause i kno he loves me and i can tel that he is trying to change... and not control me as much...


Again...love can be blinding. He only wants you to move closer so that he can see your every move.

[Scubasteve]

Firstly, please type properly. It is not easy to read when you type like you are challenged. This is an adult forum and we should communicate like adults.

Secondly, you are dating a Narcicist. GET OUT NOW! He is going to make your life a misery. I know, I dated one for 5 years. You only think you love him. Control is not love.