My best friend is jipping me.

[ChristinaMH]

My best friend AJ has been dating a girl that I introduced him to for a little over 9 months now, and I'm starting to get irritated with both of them. (No, I don't like my best friend.)

Cari, the girl, used to be a very good friend of mine. When they started dating our friendship got even better and she became my other best friend, but now this last month things are starting to turn sour between us.

They have been spending all of their free time together, and honestly I'm beginning to feel jealous and a little jipped now. What were my two best friends don't even spend time with me any more. I hang out with AJ's friends more than he does now. Cari and I get in fights all of the time and our friendship is slipping. I want to hang out with AJ, but I don't like spending time with both of them at the same time because they end up being all over each other, and I'm can never be alone with him. Cari loves to invite herself to things that AJ and I plan for only us, and he's always asking if he can invite her anyway if she doesn't know about them.

So, I told AJ that he doesn't spend any time with me anymore, he's spending all of the time he has with Cari. I'm afraid I'm coming off as an annoying friend that doesn't understand him, but I'm getting really tired of this. And I honestly just want their relationship to end so I can have my best friend back. I know, it's awful. I keep thinking that if I really loved him that I would want him to do whatever makes him happy, but it's useless.

Advice?

[Diablo]

The first thing is that things probably won't be the same between you or either of them now. You need to recognize that. If they break up, things could sort of go back to the way they were, but it would only last until they found replacements for each other. Most people given a choice of spending time with a friend or a lover are going to spend the time with the lover. Anyway, maybe you should come out and tell them (probably separately) that you feel like you're loosing your best friends. Tell AJ that you feel like you're loosing him and then also tell what's her name that you feel like you're loosing her. Just explain that and see if it works. If it doesn't, you've probably lost them both. At least in regards to the way it used to be.

[eightball61]

I'd have a talk with them together. This will put you all in the position to talk openly and honestly with each other rather than taking sides.

[xCloudx]

I'd say try talking to them about how you feel. I have a friend that's been dating a girl for 2 years now and we've actually gotten closer. The girl is someone that really isn't my type (preppy-cheerleaderish) but I've started to hang out with both of them more in the last year or so. Me and my friend were kinda going separate ways for a while there. But I've grown to like his gf as a friend and she's helped me a TON with a few of my problems. But as I said we were drifting apart. One day I just called him up, asked him if he was doing anything, and he said no, so I told him we were going to the movies. We had a ton of fun and I think we realized why we were friends in the first place. After that we were back on track.

So maybe try going out and doing something with just one of them that you used to do all the time (bowling, minigolf, movie, shopping, w/e) and see if you have a good time. But I wouldn't go with both of them. See if you can get just one or the other to go. If you have a good time see where it goes from there.

[Rich]

Somtimes friends are friends because they haven't starting dating yet and they aren't older enough to drive.

What you describe happens quite often to friendships. Those aren't true for life friendships.

When guys and girls start dating, they get locked into doing just that and often times friendships go out the window.

After they break up they come back to wanting to be friends again, but then once they meet someone new, they go right back to forgetting about their friends.

Those aren't true friends, but users.

[ChristinaMH]

Thanks you guys.
I'll try a little of everything. I think I'm having a movie marathon with AJ this weekend. He's been so busy with sports too, and his parents really piss me off. He came to school with a black eye today from his mother. And putting cover up on his eye was more sad than anything.

I haven't even talked to Cari today. It's really dumb. I haven no real desire to try and become friends with her again. She was a really bad one anyway.

[Diablo]

His mother gave him a black eye? Usually, it's the dad who gives out the black eyes. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear it. There isn't much you can actually do in this situation though. You can offer an ear, but Social services goes after the wrong people's kids and turns a blind eye to the abusive families.

[ChristinaMH]

Yeah, she's an awful woman. She was probably drunk or something when she did it. His dad doesn't hit, it's just his mother.

[Diablo]

I used to be hung upsidedown and horsewhipped with a switch. Some people say they want to be kids again. I wouldn't be a kid again for all the gold in Fort Knox.

[ChristinaMH]

I used to be hung upsidedown and horsewhipped with a switch. Some people say they want to be kids again. I wouldn't be a kid again for all the gold in Fort Knox.Damn. That's unfortunate.
My dad was beaten as a kid too, so he has made sure nothing like that happens to me. The most that's occurred is my mom throwing a big candle at me.

[Diablo]

My dad was beaten by his dad. Once I knew that, I quit being angry about it. He just didn't break the cycle. Me, I'm too poor and too nice to get to have a family, so the question of whether or not I would break the cycle probably isn't going to come up. I doubt that I would pass it on if I had kids.

[Howard]

I used to be hung upsidedown and horsewhipped with a switch. Some people say they want to be kids again. I wouldn't be a kid again for all the gold in Fort Knox.



I used to get beat up by My Father when I was growing up.:(

[Diablo]

Bummer. Did you ever beat him up after you got big enough to defend yourself? After I grew up, my dad tried that sort of thing like I was still a child. So I kicked his butt a couple of times and that ended that. 'Course, if you still stay with your parents, you can't do it.

[Howard]

Bummer. Did you ever beat him up after you got big enough to defend yourself? After I grew up, my dad tried that sort of thing like I was still a child. So I kicked his butt a couple of times and that ended that. 'Course, if you still stay with your parents, you can't do it.



No,My Father turned out to be a big bully.These days he even curses out my Mother when he gets angry.It's because he's a high-strung guy,plus he has high blood pressure and things tend to get to him on his nerves.

I never knew how to defend myself.:(

[Diablo]

That's a bad situation. I have a temper myself, but try to go elsewhere when I'm that mad at somebody.

[Howard]

That's a bad situation. I have a temper myself, but try to go elsewhere when I'm that mad at somebody.



He never knew how to control his anger,he's always grumpy.

[Diablo]

Some grumpiness is normal at older ages because the better you understand life, the grumpier you're going to be, but he needs to have a better way of handling it. I try to play golf when I'm too agro. Even if it's just practice, I come back from the golf course in a much better mood. Of course, your dad probably won't accept a suggestion from you. Maybe you could get full time hours where you work and get your own place. You can't change your father, but you might be able to free yourself from the situation.

[Howard]

Maybe you could get full time hours where you work and get your own place. You can't change your father, but you might be able to free yourself from the situation.


That sounds like a good idea.full time could happen but right now I'm still living with My Parents.

Like people say,you can't change a person,they have to change themselves.