My Issues, why have I changed so much?

[bdtraders]

As you may have read in my previous post (Do i expect to much?) I am with my current GF. Well in my past I have always had the attitude of saying what was on my mind and standing up for myself. But with her I get scared to do that and i never did that before with other GFs, i didnt care if they liked what i had to say, i t was my feelings and i was going to voice them. With my current GF i want to always make her happy, her happiness matters more to me at times then my own. I bite my tongue alot when i know im right and shes wrong just so there wont be and argument. She was going to loose her house recently and i made it possible for her to get a loan for 15000 so she wouldnt, after she gave up all hope. Wells she spent more then half of that already on herself and kids and caught up all bills and truck payment and i am left with all my bills and when i asked her about helping pay mine she said "not her problem, her first concern is herself now and her house" well i keep thinking if it wasnt for me you wouldnt have a house to live in anymore. Yes the loan was in her name but I made it happen in under 1 week. Also sometimes when she talks to me she talks like shes being incovienced by calling me or is very bored. She told me in the past it has nothing to do with me but i still take it personal. I tell her that sometimes i feel as if i smother her to much and she says shut up ill tell you when you do and you havnt yet. My question is do i have a right to be upset about the money thing because we live together and she got it because of me (her sister agrees with me) and am I a codependent person? (if so i am going to go buy a book on my lunch break and read it to help me break it.) Also why have i changed the way i am around her, i used to be so strong but now feel like a wimp. I look forwad to your advice, it has helped in my other issues.

[eightball61]

Her attituded may be a personal issue but she has to move on or she will continue to ruin future. I am trying myself to learn to budget and I live with my parents still so it hard to add here about the loans for my opinion...but if you both want to grow together then you both need to work together and not against.

[bdtraders]

I couldnt agree more. Does anyone think i am to dependent on her for hapiness, or for anyone for that matter. I know when i was growing up i didnt have the love of a normal family. My mother choose alcohol and men over me, making me leave when they didnt want me living there anymore. Sometimes i think because of my past i cling to even bad relationships to much instead of being on my own and making my self happy first. My current GF says thats bullshit that i dont have self esttem or dependency issues that i am just looking for a crutch.

[eightball61]

You may be dependent to her because of your childhood. Its really hard to tell on that end. You depend n her though because you love her and you just want things to work out. I depend on my GF because I love her and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I do know that there will be a time where I may have to just give up trying.

Your GF on the other hand has issues that she needs to deal with. She has no right to down play what you think and not get over her own issues. Issues do carry on and hard to get rid of but thats why she needs to find a new approach. When a basball player is struggling at the plate to get a hit he will try a different approach to make an adjustment. She needs to do the same. I believe though this still more has to do with her than you though. If you find a fault about yourself then try making a different approach.

[bdtraders]

I agree, i know i have my faults but I also know she has hers also, the problem being she wont admit them or get help for them. When we first were dating she said that she cared for me so much she would do what ever it takes to make us work, that included counseling. A few months ago when we were talking i suggested we both go see a counselor and she flipped say she didnt need to see no #$%^& counselor. I dropped it at that point.
Sometimes i often wonder if its me thats the real issue here, i feel insecure at times, i feel lost without her at times, when we are home together im am on edge because im scared to do or say something to trigger her into a mood. I have gave up my hobbys cause she thought they were useless and stupid. When i try to tell her my feelings about how she makes me feel at times she says im stupid and thats no how she feels about me and that i should stop being so damn emotional. At times i focus 100% of my effort to make sure shes happy that way she dosent get angry at me and her kids. Sometimes she treats me like i am one of her kids, for instance i got up for work this morning and got dressed put my jacket on went out to the kitchen, noticed i had 15minutes left before i had to go took my jacket off watched some tv, went in the room kissed her goodbye and she said "wear a jacket its cold" i said " i will" and she said "then wears it at" i said "in the dining room" and she went back to bed. She often gets upset when i ask her something twice and will say , i already told you that why dont you learn to listen, or she will say your hearings gettingbad i told you that a few days ago. I know he told me i am just asking for clairfication. She does the same thing but when i try to point out to her things that pisses her off ar ethe same things she does to others she gets mad and say" why do you always have to make it about me and try to put itback on me, why cant you except criticism."

I cant win.
I love her and the kids with all my heart and want it to work out so bad but we need to get help.