frustrated

[plug]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 4 months. It started out rocky and are still very rocky at times but it would seem that it is managable. I'm currently 30 and have had only one previous girlfriend. I have had with woman but I was not in love with them and they were not in love with me - more something like, I do them a favour and they do me a favour.

Basically I have had less than 10 times in my life. I would really like to have with my girlfriend because I would like to have that means something which I have never had. My girlfriend though says she does not like and it would seem that she's completely avoiding it. She also says she has some kind of block and that I won't enjoy it. She has no issues with before marriage. So I'm frustrated. I think she loves me or at least have feelings for me. I told her that I love her.

I don't want to tell her that I'm not ually experienced and my situation - I never will. She is ually experienced. So I don't know what to do and it feels like she's totally rejecting me by avoiding the issue. So, I think I must move on as she always makes up excuses not to be alone with me or totally avoiding situations & places where something might happen. I actually feel guilty for wanting with her.

What makes things worse is that she told me that she had a one night stand before she met me and that it completely didn't work out. Hurts hearing this as I feel we really have something going but she does not want something to do with me ually but will do a one night stand.

I'm basically preparing to move on and it is going to be difficult to get over her, but the current situation stings. Anybody have any advice or insights?

Thanks

[eightball61]

to some degree is minor if someone want to wait till marriage but in this case she is very self conscience about herself. I can't tell you how to get her in bed but she has to realize that does bring alot in a relationship and also has been known to keep things on target. I think you are being a man by not pressuring her or forcing her by what I see but I can understand your fustration. She doesn't want to have because she is afraid you may not enjoy it. She needs to feel special...You need to be creative for that but show her that she is meant to be and is special in everyway. IF you do get her in bed tell her how great she was.

[inquisitive]

I don't think not talking to her about why you want to have - that you want it to be with someone special because you've never had it before - is a good idea. She won't talk to you about why she doesn't want to and you won't talk to her about why you do want to. I really think you guys need to sit down and talk about what you both want, and why you want/don't want it.

[eightball61]

inquisitive, I agree but the only thing is that he tried to talk but all he gets is the brush off and excuses. Commuication though is the only way to go. I mean he could plan out a special night and make her feel special to see what happens but she seems very self-conscience about herself and thats why she just needs to have that special push by him. ITs worth a try but talking is the only way to get things out like you stated.

[inquisitive]

I think what I don't understand is she's willing to talk about , but not actually have it. She was able to tell him that she is ually experienced, and that she has had a one night stand but also says she doesn't like it.

To me that is confusing in and of itself. Did she have a bad experience? Was she raped? I really don't know, but to go from ually experienced to totally turned off is... odd.

Maybe she needs to talk to someone, a counsellor or therapist, to figure out why she doesn't like ?

[eightball61]

I think what I don't understand is she's willing to talk about , but not actually have it. ?

I find that confusing also and the only thing I can come up with is that she feel insecure about herself or she was abused at one point in her life. Again these are just assumptions but there has to be a logical answer and we may never know.

[inquisitive]

I agree, but I would lean more to the abused part. We've all felt insecure about ourselves, or our bodies, at some point, but you can always turn off the lights or wear a gown or something covering... I don't know and you're right we may never know!

[eightball61]

I agree, but I would lean more to the abused part. We've all felt insecure about ourselves, or our bodies, at some point, but you can always turn off the lights or wear a gown or something covering... I don't know and you're right we may never know!


And I agree :D See we came to mutual agreement...hehe