Obscure
04-07-2008, 03:57 AM
To start things off. I was single for 8 years after my past 3 relationships failed. i was cheated on twice, and wasnt ready to be in the relationship i got in right after my last break up so i broke up with the girl.
i went on a 8 year discovery of self. when all of a sudden over night love had found me. i was skeptical at first but she was very out going and i almost feel in love with her instantly, its like everything i had every wanted in a girl finally came true and found me. i was shocked. she was a little younger than me. but i don't believe age should ever (within reason of course) stop you from being with some that you love. so i went for it. we started dating and everything was great everything went so good we hardly had an argument we liked the same things. we loved spending time together and just being with each other, eventually she started staying over every night. and it was like we were living together. everything kept going great. we were talking about moving out. she brought up marriage not that we were going to rush out and get married. but we always talked about it!
Then last wed everything was fine. we went to work we talked all through out the day with text messages. i get off work call her and tell her im about to come pick her up for school and she tells me she doesn't want to see me, and she thinks that she has to break up with me. she told me that it was nothing i did. or said. and that it wasn't because of anyone else. she just needed time to feel alone and independent. she said that she needs to feel like she can take care of herself if needed to, and that she kinda feels like she needs to prove that to her before she can give her self to me fully.
I respected that and didn't contact her. i gave her the space she needed and she finally texted me back 2 days later. asking how i was couping. i told her that it was hard but that i was trying to keep myself busy. and that i missed her a lot she told me that she missed me to. and i asked if i could take her to get ice cream or coffee and she that it was to soon and it would hurt to much to see me. but that she still loved me and told me to never forget that.
well a couple days went by and i was having such a hard time dealing with all my emotions that i sent her a message asking if i could call her. she agreed and i talked to her for about an hour. just telling her all the feelings i was having. and she told me that she was having a hard time. couldnt sleep couldnt eat just like me. and that she said she wants to be with me. but feels like she has to do this first. and it hurts her a lot that she had to do this to me. but said that it was better she figured it out now. that after we got married and had a kid. we talked about the future alot. so this may seem like a lot of talk but we always talked about the future. it was always a favorite subject for us.
so we dated about 10 months. and it ended suddenly the only way i can describe it is that on her way home from work she died. there was no clue to the relationship ending at all. and it just stopped suddenly. im having such a hard time its like everything i do to keep myself busy reminds me of her. i cant listen to the radio cause i always her songs that she used to sing to me when we would drive. i watch tv and i see tv shows we used to watch all the time. i hang out with friends. they all have girlfriends and im always the third wheel. so its like the only thing that helps me is sleep...
i cant think i cant concentrate on anything! i cant eat without feeling like i want to barf.
i mean i just wish that we could have broke up over an argument or something so i could atleast be mad and move on easier.
its just so HARD to deal with all this. it feels like its literally killing me.
i cant get her out of my head i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to hold her and get back to everything we had. and just be ok :(
im trying to keep hope alive and hope that her heart finds its way back to me. its only been 4 days and it feels like an eternity.
how do i deal? when my only out is sleep...
i went on a 8 year discovery of self. when all of a sudden over night love had found me. i was skeptical at first but she was very out going and i almost feel in love with her instantly, its like everything i had every wanted in a girl finally came true and found me. i was shocked. she was a little younger than me. but i don't believe age should ever (within reason of course) stop you from being with some that you love. so i went for it. we started dating and everything was great everything went so good we hardly had an argument we liked the same things. we loved spending time together and just being with each other, eventually she started staying over every night. and it was like we were living together. everything kept going great. we were talking about moving out. she brought up marriage not that we were going to rush out and get married. but we always talked about it!
Then last wed everything was fine. we went to work we talked all through out the day with text messages. i get off work call her and tell her im about to come pick her up for school and she tells me she doesn't want to see me, and she thinks that she has to break up with me. she told me that it was nothing i did. or said. and that it wasn't because of anyone else. she just needed time to feel alone and independent. she said that she needs to feel like she can take care of herself if needed to, and that she kinda feels like she needs to prove that to her before she can give her self to me fully.
I respected that and didn't contact her. i gave her the space she needed and she finally texted me back 2 days later. asking how i was couping. i told her that it was hard but that i was trying to keep myself busy. and that i missed her a lot she told me that she missed me to. and i asked if i could take her to get ice cream or coffee and she that it was to soon and it would hurt to much to see me. but that she still loved me and told me to never forget that.
well a couple days went by and i was having such a hard time dealing with all my emotions that i sent her a message asking if i could call her. she agreed and i talked to her for about an hour. just telling her all the feelings i was having. and she told me that she was having a hard time. couldnt sleep couldnt eat just like me. and that she said she wants to be with me. but feels like she has to do this first. and it hurts her a lot that she had to do this to me. but said that it was better she figured it out now. that after we got married and had a kid. we talked about the future alot. so this may seem like a lot of talk but we always talked about the future. it was always a favorite subject for us.
so we dated about 10 months. and it ended suddenly the only way i can describe it is that on her way home from work she died. there was no clue to the relationship ending at all. and it just stopped suddenly. im having such a hard time its like everything i do to keep myself busy reminds me of her. i cant listen to the radio cause i always her songs that she used to sing to me when we would drive. i watch tv and i see tv shows we used to watch all the time. i hang out with friends. they all have girlfriends and im always the third wheel. so its like the only thing that helps me is sleep...
i cant think i cant concentrate on anything! i cant eat without feeling like i want to barf.
i mean i just wish that we could have broke up over an argument or something so i could atleast be mad and move on easier.
its just so HARD to deal with all this. it feels like its literally killing me.
i cant get her out of my head i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to hold her and get back to everything we had. and just be ok :(
im trying to keep hope alive and hope that her heart finds its way back to me. its only been 4 days and it feels like an eternity.
how do i deal? when my only out is sleep...