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View Full Version : Breakup and time... seems like nothing is helping.


Obscure
04-07-2008, 03:57 AM
To start things off. I was single for 8 years after my past 3 relationships failed. i was cheated on twice, and wasnt ready to be in the relationship i got in right after my last break up so i broke up with the girl.

i went on a 8 year discovery of self. when all of a sudden over night love had found me. i was skeptical at first but she was very out going and i almost feel in love with her instantly, its like everything i had every wanted in a girl finally came true and found me. i was shocked. she was a little younger than me. but i don't believe age should ever (within reason of course) stop you from being with some that you love. so i went for it. we started dating and everything was great everything went so good we hardly had an argument we liked the same things. we loved spending time together and just being with each other, eventually she started staying over every night. and it was like we were living together. everything kept going great. we were talking about moving out. she brought up marriage not that we were going to rush out and get married. but we always talked about it!

Then last wed everything was fine. we went to work we talked all through out the day with text messages. i get off work call her and tell her im about to come pick her up for school and she tells me she doesn't want to see me, and she thinks that she has to break up with me. she told me that it was nothing i did. or said. and that it wasn't because of anyone else. she just needed time to feel alone and independent. she said that she needs to feel like she can take care of herself if needed to, and that she kinda feels like she needs to prove that to her before she can give her self to me fully.

I respected that and didn't contact her. i gave her the space she needed and she finally texted me back 2 days later. asking how i was couping. i told her that it was hard but that i was trying to keep myself busy. and that i missed her a lot she told me that she missed me to. and i asked if i could take her to get ice cream or coffee and she that it was to soon and it would hurt to much to see me. but that she still loved me and told me to never forget that.

well a couple days went by and i was having such a hard time dealing with all my emotions that i sent her a message asking if i could call her. she agreed and i talked to her for about an hour. just telling her all the feelings i was having. and she told me that she was having a hard time. couldnt sleep couldnt eat just like me. and that she said she wants to be with me. but feels like she has to do this first. and it hurts her a lot that she had to do this to me. but said that it was better she figured it out now. that after we got married and had a kid. we talked about the future alot. so this may seem like a lot of talk but we always talked about the future. it was always a favorite subject for us.


so we dated about 10 months. and it ended suddenly the only way i can describe it is that on her way home from work she died. there was no clue to the relationship ending at all. and it just stopped suddenly. im having such a hard time its like everything i do to keep myself busy reminds me of her. i cant listen to the radio cause i always her songs that she used to sing to me when we would drive. i watch tv and i see tv shows we used to watch all the time. i hang out with friends. they all have girlfriends and im always the third wheel. so its like the only thing that helps me is sleep...

i cant think i cant concentrate on anything! i cant eat without feeling like i want to barf.

i mean i just wish that we could have broke up over an argument or something so i could atleast be mad and move on easier.

its just so HARD to deal with all this. it feels like its literally killing me.

i cant get her out of my head i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to hold her and get back to everything we had. and just be ok :(

im trying to keep hope alive and hope that her heart finds its way back to me. its only been 4 days and it feels like an eternity.

how do i deal? when my only out is sleep...

eightball61
04-07-2008, 10:16 AM
i get off work call her and tell her im about to come pick her up for school

What are your ages?

Obscure
04-07-2008, 11:04 AM
shes 21 and im 27,

eightball61
04-07-2008, 11:25 PM
she said that she needs to feel like she can take care of herself if needed to, and that she kinda feels like she needs to prove that to her before she can give her self to me fully.


She's still young and in school. She may have a lot on her plate if finals are right around the corner or even projects in school she needs to focus on. It also seems she needs to discover herself as she stated in your quote. She may be undecided to what her future may be and needs time to figure that out. Another possibility could be she was grown up with a close family with no time to grow and now she's out on her own she discovering herself.

As you can see it's a number of things. What's making this hard is you don't have the proper closer and as well you finally found a match. Giver her time and try to be a friend more than trying to figure things out.

Yes, it's hard however it's apart of relationships. In relationships you date to find your mate. Even though some seem to good to be true that person still may not be the right one. The best you can do is to pick yourself up because once you settle you're heart will know and you'll be rewarded inside.

It's tough and we're here to help guide you :)

Obscure
04-08-2008, 06:18 AM
i Want to believe so hard that space is the reason. but i have this feeling its because of a guy, its the only logical reason i can think of that would cause a relationship to end in a matter of hours. which is why i wish i could just get her out of my head and move on with my life.

eightball61
04-08-2008, 10:01 AM
which is why i wish i could just get her out of my head and move on with my life.

It's because you don't have the closer you're looking for. In something like this you have your time of sadness then you have to force yourself up....Try to move, stop talking to her, ect. Moving on part in in your hands. Your mind will let go once something new is introduced to it. She will always be a memory but thats it.

Obscure
04-09-2008, 03:56 AM
yea. i think you are right. i just want closure, its hard to move on when we didnt fight. or break up on bad terms. it would be so much easier!

eightball61
04-09-2008, 09:18 AM
Try hang in there though. Use this time to hang out with some of your friends and doing things that you like to do. :)

Obscure
04-12-2008, 03:13 AM
Alright so just an update. we are still broken up. and not to long ago she got all my stuff and collected it and left it for me to come get. so last night i went through my room put everything all together of hers and droped it off at her house.

she flipped out. said something along the lines of well i guess that seals the deal then :(


so what the hell. its ok for her to give me back my stuff but if i give her back hers its not ok? i mean shouldnt this have been thought about when she broke up with me? doesnt that kinda seal the deal?

i swear girls are the most confusing. most dont know what they want people in the world. i just dont understand it.

eightball61
04-12-2008, 12:26 PM
Alright so just an update. we are still broken up. and not to long ago she got all my stuff and collected it and left it for me to come get. so last night i went through my room put everything all together of hers and droped it off at her house.

she flipped out. said something along the lines of well i guess that seals the deal then :(


so what the hell. its ok for her to give me back my stuff but if i give her back hers its not ok? i mean shouldnt this have been thought about when she broke up with me? doesnt that kinda seal the deal?

i swear girls are the most confusing. most dont know what they want people in the world. i just dont understand it.


Women will never understand men and men will never understand women....it's the fact of life. This is why relationships can be so hard and at times depressing however in a relationship couples learn from each other and find ways to make these differences work.

Her actions are confusing and she never gives you a straight answer/impression. What you did was right since she gave you your stuff. At hype of the moment though did you bring up why she gave you your stuff?

Diablo
04-13-2008, 12:23 AM
Moving on part in in your hands.

Ach, the right hand won't do right after a breakup. :D

Diablo
04-13-2008, 12:25 AM
Few women allow closure. You're on your own with getting past this because she's not going to help. Start doing things to get your mind off of life and her. Sitting around thinking about it will keep you miserable.

eightball61
04-13-2008, 11:57 AM
Ach, the right hand won't do right after a breakup. :D

I should really re-read before I hot submit.

Obscure
04-13-2008, 06:54 PM
lol. yea, its so funny now that im spending time with my friends. and when she asks i tell her what i did, she is getting all upset and uneasy.

Diablo
04-14-2008, 01:55 AM
This would indicate that she's having second thoughts. Keep a cool head if you want a chance at getting her back. Lose your cool, and you'll lose all chance of getting her back. Be nice, but not chummy when you encounter her. One thing, it may not work, but it's the only thing that can. When she sees that the breakup isn't destroying you, she could change her mind.

Obscure
04-15-2008, 05:09 AM
its just funny. i hate playing games but it seems like you almost have to. the other night i went to a friends and got really drunk. i didnt text her all night. and the next morning shes online asking why i was so quiet. see the funny thing is. when i do text when shes out with friends she never responds to me. but when i dont she gets all bent out shape cause im not talking to her and im out having my own fun..

girls are weird. give them attention and they dont want it. ignore them and they want attention. crazy!