Why am I like this?

[bdtraders]

Alot of you have read my posts on here and now know that today has been a very dramatic day so far to say the least. My GF (love of my life) basiclly acted like she dosent care about me anymore and wanted to break up, when last night she was the most loving i had ever seen her in a long time.
Why do i feel so terrible, why do i belive that all the problems are maybe me and not her even when others say the majority is her (including her family). Why do i just want to give in (again) and take full blame just to salvage today. Why do i feel so lost without her, why do i feel as if my life wont go in if shes not in my life. Am i going mental? Why do i hurt so bad inside. Why do i want this to work so bad with her and not just give up and walk away and say f*** it like i would have in the past with relationships. Why Why Why? I am being torn apart here, i just want to come up for breath but i feel as though i have no control over me anymore.

[William Scott]

Her changing moods could be alot of reasons but the most often I ran into are she realizes she is driving you away she reels you in. Either she isnt happy and doesnt want to be alone or she has split personalities there is only one option. Take time apart. Her true colors will shine though. Just a suggestion.

God bless

[eightball61]

You being torn because you dont know where things are gonna go. First write down all yout thoughts on paper to clear your head, second stick to one thread for less confusion(i mean your mind is all over but jumping around is not helping), thirdly get out what you need to get out. You love this women but you can't make something work thats not working.

[bdtraders]

Take time apart. Her true colors will shine though. Just a suggestion.

God bless

Me and her broke up in january for a bit and we got back together again, and she was so happy that i was back. When i left before she was so crushed and i could tell when she called me that she was crushed. So i went that route before and its like she forgot all about it, like she knows that i turned my back on all my family and friends for me and her that i have no where to go and no one to turn to. i wish she would just remember how it felt last time i left. She gets mad when i say im gonna go or at times i feel as though she dosent want me there. thats what happened today, i told her sometimes it feels as if she dosent want me there anymore and she got all pissed and said your right i dont get out.

[HelphelpPLZ]

her changing moods are exactly what i did with my girlfriend i'd love her one day.. and hate her the next... maybe she's not ready for a relationship and has self issues shes got to work out... that's my problem anyway. Or maybe she just loves to try to get thigns she can't have and by pushing you away it gives her something to work towards to bring you back then she gets bored and does it again.

[William Scott]

help help said what i was trying to say.

Just because you turn your back on your friends and family doesnt mean that wont be there for you when you realize what went wrong. True friends will be there for you..and family will always be there for you.

Dont make excuses up for not to take time away again. Excuses lead up to mistakes. Mistakes can often be harder to handle than a little time away. Step back..view whats going on when you arent right in the middle of it. Believe me..its a better view.

God bless

[bdtraders]

thank you all so much, and i do apologize for jumping around ( whacked in the head right now).
I am currently typing my feelings out in word right now and will post them on here in a bit. At the point i would like your views on if i should let her read them or not. I feel so down and troubled, i know she loves me or am i just trying to convince myself of that?

[William Scott]

No matter what troubles I get into...one thing I learned from my father and also from being a cop....Stop..step back and watch. The answer is there just lose the tunnel vision. Stop blaming her or yourself and start looking for what it should be or what it could be. Blaming is nothing but an escape from the truth. I would say she did this and she did that..but in reality..I let her do that to me because I was afraid of letting go or being let go. Sometimes letting go and stepping back is the most reasonable option.

[bdtraders]

William you are 100% right, i agree that it is lke this cause i have allowed it to be like this. 100% correct i have not put my footdown like eightball says an stood my ground.

Here is the lette ri just wrote to her, kinda short cause i get a loss for words but let me know what you think. Should i also fax it over to her so she can soak it in before tonight or just take it home at lunch so she can read it when she gets home before me.

heres the letter:

I sit in my chair here and wonder what happened between us. We used to be the couple that was so cute together. When we lived apart we couldn’t wait to see each other or hear each others voices again. I still feel that way and hope that you do as well. When I moved away last month it killed me and tore at my heart because I love you with all my heart and want you in my life forever, I would talk to you on the phone and I know you felt the same way. I could see it in your eyes when I moved out that morning.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to make us work, I love you and the kids with all my heart and I know that you love me to. I think we both read into each other to much and then jump to conclusions that are not true and voice them to one another. When we do that I think it aggravates each other. We need to stop doing that. We both also need to realize that we can and should be able to tell each other everything and anything without fear that it will upset the other person.
Like I said I am willing to do whatever it takes to make us work because I believe in us. I see that we can work, but it has to be a two way street. I can’t do it alone. I know you feel the same way. We need to learn how to communicate with each other more efficiently. We need to learn how to discuss our feelings with each other in a positive light as to not hurt or upset the other. I enjoy when we joke around and the good times that we have. I enjoy making you laugh and smile. I will be the first to admit I get scared when we get upset at each other. We need to learn how to argue better and more productively. I don’t think either of us intends to say hurtful things to the other or ever wants us to break up over stupid fights. We both have valid feelings and we need to understand each others feelings.
I will do what it takes to make us work; I don’t want to give up yet. I really don’t. But if this is what you truly want then I will walk away broken hearted. Just know that I love you with all my heart and that will never change.



please let me know what you think, should i add /delete etc.

[eightball61]

Just do the letter thing tonight but you also have to go over what happening and side the feelings for both.

[bdtraders]

i should add what? all my feelings, i dont want it to sound like i am pounding her and putting it all on her.

this is so hard not to call her, i just want to pickup the phone and give in but i know that would be wrong, im sure shes at work as fine as can be not cairng less if i call or not, meanwhile i sit here and feel lost without her. is that normal, how do i combat it?

[eightball61]

You should add your feelings and put your foot down. I know you want to make this work but you want to be happy also.

[bdtraders]

Why do i want to call her so bad and tell her i love her. Why wont this feeling stop. Why hasnt she called me?

[bdtraders]

ok i wussed out and gave in and called her, she said everythings been fine and shes just been busy at work. I asked her if she really wanted me to leave and she said no, but she hates it when i say that i think she dosent love me so when i say stupid shit like that shes just going to agree and not play that game. I told her i would rather have her say that she wishs i wouldnt say that and hang up on me then to agree with me and tell me to move out. I stood up for what i believe and kinda argued my point and she saw it and said she would work on that also. She said she will call me on her way home in a few hours, guess i got a roof over my head still tonight.

[eightball61]

The phone to you is like leaving a candy open is front of an unsupervised child. The call has been placed and now that part is done. You just have to learn to be calmer. Try to do something else like watch TV, take a nap, play a game, ect just to get you away from that phone. Talk to her though and see what happens after tonight.

[bdtraders]

i would have to agree that the phone adn my brain are my own worst enemies. I figure when i get home tonight ill talk to her and see where that leads us, and putmy foot down about issues.

[beesting]

i wish I had thought of doing something like what you did, sir, before I completely broke off with my ex. he and I were engaged and now I am pining away for him. I am trying to move on with out him, but am having a hard time... My cell phone was like my life line to him and now it doesn't ring anymore. I was thinking of picking the phone or e-mailing something like you did, but I'm thinking it's too late for me... We have tried to make it work time and again, but we never could find the main problem... I salute you for doing your best by her... I wish you much luck.

[bdtraders]

Thank you, i want things to work with her but its hard when its all one sided, i have put my faith and god and he will guide me. I just want a god woman that will love me as i love her and i can cherish for the rest of my time her on earth. I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said she was confused in her relationship also but i pointed out how great a guy she has, i said i cant tell you the last time my GF told me she missed me, it has to have beenat least 4-5 months ago that she calle dme out of the blue just to say hi, i love you or i miss you.

[eightball61]

Moving on is not an easy task when your mind and body is adjusted to being with that partner over time. When a breakup occurs you are so lost because you denicated all that time to adust to that partner and you lost touch of how your old ways are. You are used of having someone around and now you dont have that anymore.

You body and mind will adjust but it will take time. Site like this help but also can do harm to while talking about them day in and day out. Sometimes you need a break to just get away. Start writing in a journal or something like that to get your thoughts out and come back here when you are stuck or need more guidence. Try to keep yourself busy you both but you minds will eventually sort it all out.