Whats the art to making friends?

[Rani]

Hi Guys, I have recently posted in the couples thread and need to ask for more advice / ideas on a different topic but related to my previous thread. All you guys seem so young so I hope you can still relate to my situation. Age 38. The question is how can I meet new people with the view to finding some close friends out of it? I know all the usual basic stuff, but I am finding it difficult to apply.
At this point in my life my one and only close friend lives a 5 hour drive away. We chat accasionally on the phone and I can talk to her about anything, but I don't want to overload her with all my problems and I know it just isn't healthy to not have a wider circle of friends.
I know a lot of people ( small town ) and they know me, but that's where it ends. I do belong to a shooting club but most of the members are older men that you can have a good conversation with but once again hardly suitable to invite around for a cuppa and a good heart to heart!
I didn't really see this as a problem for a long time as I was happy with my own company, but I recently had a huge wake up call when I broke up with my partner for a short period ( refer previous posts) and the realisation that I didn't have a single shoulder to cry on was just as bad as the break up.
I want to learn Italian and thought that would also be a good way to meet people, but the only local college does not do language classes!
Most of the community clubs are more orientated for the older generation.
I don't seem to have anything in common with other females my age simply because they are mothers to young kids and their life revolves around them, so mothers relate easy to other mothers. I don't have kids. My best friend is 52 years old.
I get on good with people and they find it easy to talk to me, I am a good listener. But it never gets to the next level where I can feel comfortable to call them to have a chat or invite them over. If I did I feel like I am imposing on them or look desperate.

[Spaaron]

So basically you live in a small town thats distant from other places? If thats the case yes it does become difficult to make close friends around the area....although some of the people maybe an older generation you might have to just give it a try and see what their reactions about it, some may talk some may jsut not seem the type give it a go or you'll never know. What about supportive networks such as councilor or psychologist or something? i know that sounds a bit ....yeah but with them at least you can talk to someone.

Go on internet and go net surfing or something to find new people cause if your in a small town your going to have quite a lot of difficulties. Maybe you jsut have to wait a while until someone randomly pops into town or just moved in before you will get what you want.

[Diablo]

First of all, the quickest way to not make friends is to be in a hurry to get one. Secondly; real friends are few and far between for anyone. That's just something you have to accept. People anxious to find a friend frenquently get taken advantage of or worse. Lastly, is there any places besides a shooting club and organizations for older people in your town? Being 38, you probably don't want to get into the bar scene. You could take up tennis or golf and meet people at a tennis club or golf course. Golf is expensive and adictive, but it's not expensive to get in a practice. After you get a set of clubs, you could get a chipping net, take it a park and start practicing your chipping. Someone could walk up wanting to try it and there's a start anyway. The best way to find a friend is to be one, but take care that you don't get conned.

[Rani]

Thanks guys, Yes the population of my town is 190 but it is 25km (20 min drive) from the main town that has a population of 15,000. I'm thinking of joining the gym, in the main town. I know I just have to make a start, and I have made an appointment to see a councillor as I'm not coping with my relationship troubles. It has been a help to have this forum also.

[cheewagacheewag]

Start doing activities in the neighboring town. A town of 190 is too small.
Find common hobbies and interests with others, and that will be a good start. Or you can pay someone $200/hour to be your friend.

[Howard]

Or you could start looking in your neighborhood where people hang out.

[Dude]

I'm 25, so a bit younger than you. And I live in a big city.
But I had a similar desire to make new friends a while back and had to figure out how to do it without coming across as desperate.

The main thing I realised was that you have to be proactive. YOU have to invite people to hang out with you, YOU organise events outings. Don't just accept that someone is an acquaintance, turn them into a friend.

An easy way of doing this is just hanging out, 1-on-1, with a person. Go to an event (concert, festival, etc) together, it breaks that barrier of awkwardness that exists when you run into someone outside of the normal environment (e.g work colleague at a shop).

But yeah, be pro-active. Friends won't fall into your lap.

[Howard]

And always go places where you know there will be people to hang out.

[PrincessB]

I ran into your problem when I was at the old age of 18 LOL! Everybody in the small town I was raised in was married or had kids or lived with their parents so I ran into the problem of not really relating to others. I relocated and traveled. I became involved in charitable organizations and volunteered my time to carefully researched causes where I found others that are as passionate about causes as I am. The gym is a good idea but keep in mind that many people don't go to the gym to socialize and prefer not to be bothered by others. When I worked as a personal trainer I found most people weren't that interested in conversation unless it was pertaining to their workout or lifestyle. Unless you're a hardcore health fanatic you may find it difficult to make friends there.

Making friends can be difficult at any age and there are many women your age that have held off on starting a family so try not to worry too much about that. It may take a while to find compatible individuals and when you do its kind of like dating: You have to take it a little slow for a friendship to bloom. I'd start off by doing casual coffee and then extend an invitation to an event or function you know the other person is interested in. Just don't suggest something like a car show if you know nothing about cars.

I'd basically stick to the rules of dating. Have you seen the movie "I Love You Man"? You may enjoy it. Its about a guy who is getting married but realizes he has no friends and his fiance has like 6 bridesmaids...Kind of awkward. So he sets out to find a new best friend and its a rather entertaining commentary on how difficult it can be to make new friends in adulthood.

Hope my suggestions have been helpful and I look forward to hearing updates on your progress. Have you considered blogging about your experiences? I know that I would follow.

[eightball61]

This thread is over a year old.

[Howard]

This thread is over a year old.



I know,I just saw it now.