leebus
07-09-2008, 01:40 AM
My wife and I met at 30, got married.... and now we are 40....so 10 years together.
5 years into our marriage, she asks if it is OK to have an EX build a fence for our house.... I said yes.... and we saw him from time to time. She said they had a 3 year relationship from when she was 21..... that went bad.....they kept in contact for 4 years..... and that he helped her out of a bad relationship at 29, 1 year before we met..... as she had no money or place to live.
I said OK.
Now when we got together..... we had the usual past talk...... I said my past.... she said hers..... I made it clear I did not want to re-visit this.
So....... 10 years goes by with us. I have always taken slowly and not pushed too hard for some more interesting things..... but our life was great.
Anyhow.... a few months ago she pipes up and says," I've had a threesome". I said....." I don't want to know" She bought this up again and I flipped out...... she explained that it was with this EX in our lives.... and it involved another female..... and she was pressured into it. I was mad as hell because of the thought of her doing something she did not want to do mainly.
Her reason for telling me was that she was worried I might find out from someone else. It never entered her mind to cut the friendship with the EX. This made me mad as I was put last on the list of priorities.
For several reasons, I felt there was more to this..... I went digging.
It turns out there were also two other threesomes..... with another two MALES.
I pressure her.... and it turns out "she 1/2 liked the last one" A bit too much because her EX got a little upset at the time.
I can deal with that (just) as it is her past. But why would she bring this crap into our marriage.
Digging further..... I find out she slept with him a few times at 29.... when he helped her out of the bad relationship.
I would have never agreed to him being in our marriage if I knew this.
THEN...... I go digging through her phone records. I find out that she phones hi between 3 and 10 times a month. She says it is just to say "HI"
I am currently in a state of total head mess. There is increased contact with this EX via the phone.... all through rough times we were having.
She says they are just friends. She has broken all contact with him now.
It seems a little too convienent to me.
She made sure that I had no contact with any of my EX's. Not that I would have at any time through our marriage.
I feel dis-respected that she bought him into our marriage without telling the full story.
I am mad as hell. There is a few other things..... but you get the idea.
What do you recon????? Just friends..... or more.
She says she had forgiven him for the crap in their relationship...( in her 20's ) ..... that is how come they are friends.
I think I have been taken for a ride.
This is consuming my every thought these days.
She has sinse dropped all contact with him.
5 years into our marriage, she asks if it is OK to have an EX build a fence for our house.... I said yes.... and we saw him from time to time. She said they had a 3 year relationship from when she was 21..... that went bad.....they kept in contact for 4 years..... and that he helped her out of a bad relationship at 29, 1 year before we met..... as she had no money or place to live.
I said OK.
Now when we got together..... we had the usual past talk...... I said my past.... she said hers..... I made it clear I did not want to re-visit this.
So....... 10 years goes by with us. I have always taken slowly and not pushed too hard for some more interesting things..... but our life was great.
Anyhow.... a few months ago she pipes up and says," I've had a threesome". I said....." I don't want to know" She bought this up again and I flipped out...... she explained that it was with this EX in our lives.... and it involved another female..... and she was pressured into it. I was mad as hell because of the thought of her doing something she did not want to do mainly.
Her reason for telling me was that she was worried I might find out from someone else. It never entered her mind to cut the friendship with the EX. This made me mad as I was put last on the list of priorities.
For several reasons, I felt there was more to this..... I went digging.
It turns out there were also two other threesomes..... with another two MALES.
I pressure her.... and it turns out "she 1/2 liked the last one" A bit too much because her EX got a little upset at the time.
I can deal with that (just) as it is her past. But why would she bring this crap into our marriage.
Digging further..... I find out she slept with him a few times at 29.... when he helped her out of the bad relationship.
I would have never agreed to him being in our marriage if I knew this.
THEN...... I go digging through her phone records. I find out that she phones hi between 3 and 10 times a month. She says it is just to say "HI"
I am currently in a state of total head mess. There is increased contact with this EX via the phone.... all through rough times we were having.
She says they are just friends. She has broken all contact with him now.
It seems a little too convienent to me.
She made sure that I had no contact with any of my EX's. Not that I would have at any time through our marriage.
I feel dis-respected that she bought him into our marriage without telling the full story.
I am mad as hell. There is a few other things..... but you get the idea.
What do you recon????? Just friends..... or more.
She says she had forgiven him for the crap in their relationship...( in her 20's ) ..... that is how come they are friends.
I think I have been taken for a ride.
This is consuming my every thought these days.
She has sinse dropped all contact with him.