I am madly in love with a married woman and I don't know what to do

[natber]

If anyone has any suggestions I would very much appreciate them. This woman is someone I work with. She is aware of how I feel and she has expressed similar feelings. I am afraid of what could happen. We are good friends so I don't want to just cut her out of my life, but... it is becoming increasingly difficult to see her. We have had many conversations where both of us have wished that she wasn't married. I really don't know what to do. I am hoping that at the very least my simply putting my thoughts down like this might help. But again if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions I would love to hear them.

Frustrated and confused

[jan]

You should probably quit hanging out with her. Get her to take some marriage enrichement courses and or marriage counseling. Marriage is sacred and it is pretty jacked-up to even think about doing anything that could mess up the lives this couple have built for themselves (however fragile it may be). If you love this woman (which you shouldn't) you should do everything you can to help her realize how important her marriage is.

[bv3qc]

well I think you should just step aside and think about this...

She says that she wished that she wasn't married... Well that means she is taken... for now.

But if she is in ayways serious and has the guts to give it a shot with you... let her end her mariage. That is the best way to figure out her intention because a woman can talk but if she doesn't do anything about it, personnally I have big reserves as far as her intentions...

I am not a big fan of breaking mariage but... i think that is the only answer to your problem... unless all you want is to be someind of lover...

good luck
phil

[natber]

well I think you should just step aside and think about this...

She says that she wished that she wasn't married... Well that means she is taken... for now.

But if she is in ayways serious and has the guts to give it a shot with you... let her end her mariage. That is the best way to figure out her intention because a woman can talk but if she doesn't do anything about it, personnally I have big reserves as far as her intentions...

I am not a big fan of breaking mariage but... i think that is the only answer to your problem... unless all you want is to be someind of lover...

good luck
phil
Thanks for the advice. That was kind of the way I was thinking too, so it is nice to hear someone else feels the same way.

[fizz59]

I have only just joined, so am late in replying to this thread.
I am a married woman, who fell in love with a married man I worked with.
Wrong ? Yes...but you don't choose who to fall for.
However, it all ended in tears. I was willing to give everything up for this man, but eventually he dumped me for another woman who was free.
My advice to you is to let your lady sort her marriage out first.
Don't begin a relationship with her until she has, unless you want to end up with a broken heart.
She may well love you, but, she could also be just going through a rough patch.
If she leaves her husband, then you can begin to plan your lives together, but not before
GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO.

[natber]

Thanks Fizz59. That is pretty much what I have decided to do. I have told her she needs to sort things out with her marriage. If in the end she wants to leave him I will be there with open arms. If she decides to stay with him then I will be happy for her too. I appreciate your input on the matter though. Thanks again.

[cherklatch]

Honey, I'm going to talk to you like your Mom here. Forbidden fruit is not always sweeter and I am speaking from experience. Nothing - and I mean nothing - GOOD ever comes out of these situations. I wouldn't even let her know that if her marriage ends, you'll be there with open arms. That may be a factor in what she ultimately does with her marriage and I'm sure you don't want that on your conscience. Listen to me please - for you to take the time to listen to her problems and be supportive (If that is the case - I'm kind of reading between the lines) shows me what a caring, sensitive man you are in many respects. There are a lot of single girls out there who are having a real hard time finding guys like you. THEY deserve your attention. The married woman is taken - have respect for that situation. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. Someday you just might be happy that another man gave you that same respect when you have a wife. Distance yourself from this woman - no good can possibly come from it and start looking for a single wonderful woman to share your life with and be happy. This will not bring you happiness. You deserve happiness. Are you listening dear? Good luck.

[natber]

Honey, I'm going to talk to you like your Mom here. Forbidden fruit is not always sweeter and I am speaking from experience. Nothing - and I mean nothing - GOOD ever comes out of these situations. I wouldn't even let her know that if her marriage ends, you'll be there with open arms. That may be a factor in what she ultimately does with her marriage and I'm sure you don't want that on your conscience. Listen to me please - for you to take the time to listen to her problems and be supportive (If that is the case - I'm kind of reading between the lines) shows me what a caring, sensitive man you are in many respects. There are a lot of single girls out there who are having a real hard time finding guys like you. THEY deserve your attention. The married woman is taken - have respect for that situation. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. Someday you just might be happy that another man gave you that same respect when you have a wife. Distance yourself from this woman - no good can possibly come from it and start looking for a single wonderful woman to share your life with and be happy. This will not bring you happiness. You deserve happiness. Are you listening dear? Good luck.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to this. Just thought I would let you know that, as hard as it was, I ended things with this woman. I even moved to another province to make sure that nothing more happened between us. It has been very hard not having her in my life. I hope I did the right thing, everyone else seems to think I did.

[cherklatch]

Poor baby. I know how hard that must be for you. Unfortunately, we can't tell our hearts who to love, but sometimes we have to listen to our brain instead of our heart. Take the time to find yourself a nice single girl where you are now and devote your time to her. If that married woman tries to contact you, do NOT - I repeat - do NOT even accept her calls. The final piece of advise I want to give you dear is this and remember this - what if she would leave her husband for you - what would you have but a wife who cheats on her husband? That would haunt you all doing your relationship with her. You would wonder if she is doing the same thing to you. REMEMBER YOU DESERVE BETTER. GOOD LUCK.

[MissCheivious]

Ok, this is a BAD situation no doubt. I actually dated a married man myself and let me tell you from experience, no matter what you're feeling, this isn't going to turn out well. IT NEVER DOES! There might be a few cases where the people were actually soulmates and what have you but, that's rare. Aside from the fact that this woman took a serious vow, you need to consider the "if she'll do this to him, she'll do it to me". THAT is tried and true. I know you think that everything would be cool if she seperated and you got together but it won't be. At first it will be fun. All relationships are in the beginning but, the reality of her marriage and how she threw such a big commitment away will start to weigh on her (and more than likely, you as well). You're not going to "win" in this situation. If she leaves her hubby for you, that doesn't mean a thing. It's a temporary ego boost and that will fade away. The excitement is that it's forbidden. You might really get along with her and it seems like you should be a couple but she's married for a reason. Respect the vow she made even if she doesn't. Don't lower your morals. Adultery is a bad thing. No one wins in that situation and in actuality, it can be deadly. People have killed in jealous rages before (not to say that that will happen but it's something to think about). I guarantee that if she left her husband for you, he will confront you and that will add pressure to an already unstable relationship. The price is too high no matter how you feel. Take it from me! If you really adore this woman and if she feels the same way about you, let her make the first move of seperating from her husband if that's what she wants. DON'T ASK HER TO! It needs to be her choice and if she chooses to leave and is seriously seperated (I'm talking weeks here, not days), then I think you can pursue something. Just think things out and remember, don't do anything that you wouldn't want to have done to you. :)

[JonHu33]

I know just about everyone here has said that you should let her end her marriage, sort it out, etc. And I agree in whole with all of it. Im just here to offer you a personal view of it, well as personal as I can get about it.

My mother when I was 21 had similar circumstances. She and a co-worker had evolved mutual feelings for each other, however the guy was married, but none the less they fooled around once in a while. About 1 year or so into this behind the back sneaky love, my mother finally ended it for those reasons as above, she couldnt handle breaking up somones marriage, she told the guy he needs to end it wit his wife or go back to her and make it work.

Well a few months later, the guy did infact leave his wife, and did end up with my mother. So if anything, use this as hope, if this woman really wants to be with you, then she will make it happen, you did the right thing, now its her turn, I hope all turns out the best for you.

Sincerely

Jon