View Full Version : A Changing Lifestyle
If two people in a relationship are forming new and different social scenes outside of each other....will they grow apart?
Howard
07-29-2008, 11:56 PM
If two people in a relationship are forming new and different social scenes outside of each other....will they grow apart?
What exactly do you mean by social scenes? :confused:
well my bf is starting a new job and therefore meeting new people...I am working from home (therefore meeting no one new) which is kind of lonley. I don't understand what the big deal is with me hanging out with his new friends, not that exactly want to, but why is it a problem? We both have a lot of friends here that we went to school with, so believe me I still have a social scene and things to do and people to be with...but i always want to include him.
anyway i just dont know how to give him the space without feeling unloved...etc and ive been worried we are going to grow apart
Howard
07-30-2008, 10:56 AM
I don't think you'll grow apart,you'll always have both your togetherness with him.
What does your boyfriend do for a living?
he does e trading for a large financial firm
Howard
07-31-2008, 12:04 AM
he does e trading for a large financial firm
So,I'm guessing he's very busy and he works long hours.
Do you both have time for each other?:confused:
he is in training right now so the long hrs havent started yet, but they will in a month or so. but we have been able to find time for each other, obviously not as much as this summer where we would spend 5-7 days together, away for two-three then together again so it is quite the adjustment...im muc more sensitive to it than he is i think, but trying to get used to it and be ok with it
Howard
07-31-2008, 03:55 PM
he is in training right now so the long hrs havent started yet, but they will in a month or so. but we have been able to find time for each other, obviously not as much as this summer where we would spend 5-7 days together, away for two-three then together again so it is quite the adjustment...im muc more sensitive to it than he is i think, but trying to get used to it and be ok with it
Do you do some fun things with each other and compromise so you both can enjoy each other's activities?
yeah we always do fun things together and there is compromise for sure... everything is actually really good between us i just worry down the road which i know is stupid
Howard
08-01-2008, 02:14 AM
yeah we always do fun things together and there is compromise for sure... everything is actually really good between us i just worry down the road which i know is stupid
What do you worry about? your future with him? :confused:
no i can see myself with him, i think we would have a great future together, we just click and he is the best boyfriend i have ever had...we communicate with each other, he is selfless, etc...
my last boyfriend was a very awful guy and we had an unhealthy relationship (he actually was friends with my current bf now). Anyway I have no contact with him (although he has tried to contact me recently). Anyway other things went on that made the past year and a half pretty awful....
the past 8 monthes however have been great, i graduated from college, i moved in with one of my best girl friends, i have a job, and i love my boyfriend...i just worry about getting hurt. and i have always been such a great girl friend, and such a strong person, but there have been some changes in my personality that i can't quite grasp.
i think i went off on a tangent...but in response to your question i suppose i worry about things happening that are out of my control
eightball61
08-01-2008, 11:40 PM
You've may or may not have realized this however do you think you may have insecurity issues?
I can say for myself that I've always denied I had insecurity issues however one day it just clicked that I did & from what you describe so far about yourself I can relate to you. Don't be offended by the question because being insecure is natural. The toughest part is just how to understand it and work around it to live with it.
in some respect probabaly...i am a very confident girl but i geuss some issues when it comes to relationships make me feel a bit insecure. i know i am a great girlfriend, have never been dumped, etc....i think its more i have trust and abandonment issues. i could be wrong though.
how did you learn to live with your insecurity issues?
eightball61
08-02-2008, 12:16 AM
i think its more i have trust and abandonment issues.
How was your childhood? Were you babied in the aspect that you were never left alone and always invited?
You also stated you never been broken up by a guy however was it you that ended all past relationships? If so, why? was it fear? What was the average length in a relationship?
how did you learn to live with your insecurity issues?[/QUOTE]
I just learned to accept it...lol I still have them today and been with my wife for almost 5 years(including dating). I've kept a journal and shared it with her which help our communication and knowledge for the others feelings. It allowed us to become more open which was a comfort for me to sooth my insecurities. Also, the journal helped me understand and release my thoughts. This site too has helped me talk to others in the same situation and helped me realize this is common and I'm not alone.
Howard
08-02-2008, 12:54 AM
no i can see myself with him, i think we would have a great future together, we just click and he is the best boyfriend i have ever had...we communicate with each other, he is selfless, etc...
my last boyfriend was a very awful guy and we had an unhealthy relationship (he actually was friends with my current bf now). Anyway I have no contact with him (although he has tried to contact me recently). Anyway other things went on that made the past year and a half pretty awful....
the past 8 monthes however have been great, i graduated from college, i moved in with one of my best girl friends, i have a job, and i love my boyfriend...i just worry about getting hurt. and i have always been such a great girl friend, and such a strong person, but there have been some changes in my personality that i can't quite grasp.
i think i went off on a tangent...but in response to your question i suppose i worry about things happening that are out of my control
It's hard to not think about geting hurt in a relationship,it happens a lot.It could be that you may have some insecurity issues to take care of.
possible insecurity...i think its more i have some trust issues
Howard
08-05-2008, 01:15 AM
possible insecurity...i think its more i have some trust issues
Is it like that you can't trust him?
no i trust him...i just have a hard time trusting as it is. i had a bit of a rough up bringing my last bf was awful. i have always had a hard time trusting people, even friends...i see the good in everyone, i just have trouble putting my faith and trust in people who care about me and who i care about and i dont like to rely on anyone because i dont want to get let down. i dont know if this is making sense, its hard to explain.
i know my bf would never do anything, he is such a great guy, the kind of guy you sit down with your girlfriends and imagine yourself with. and even though i know i am a great girl, i know he loves, i know he thinks im gorgeaus etc...i just get worried. its so dumb and i dont know why.
Howard
08-05-2008, 10:50 AM
no i trust him...i just have a hard time trusting as it is. i had a bit of a rough up bringing my last bf was awful. i have always had a hard time trusting people, even friends...i see the good in everyone, i just have trouble putting my faith and trust in people who care about me and who i care about and i dont like to rely on anyone because i dont want to get let down. i dont know if this is making sense, its hard to explain.
i know my bf would never do anything, he is such a great guy, the kind of guy you sit down with your girlfriends and imagine yourself with. and even though i know i am a great girl, i know he loves, i know he thinks im gorgeaus etc...i just get worried. its so dumb and i dont know why.
It's ok to get worried sometimes V,we all do in relationships.has he ever worried about you?:confused:
he did in the beginning, but doesnt anymore. he always says "this isn't a day to day thing, i see us being together for a very long time, we have a future..." etc and i used to never worry. its this big move, his new job that has me all in a frenzy i feeel
Howard
08-05-2008, 10:04 PM
he did in the beginning, but doesnt anymore. he always says "this isn't a day to day thing, i see us being together for a very long time, we have a future..." etc and i used to never worry. its this big move, his new job that has me all in a frenzy i feeel
I wish you all the best V,maybe his job won't be as big as a move as you think.
yeah...i think i need to go back to being my chill self
Howard
08-06-2008, 10:46 AM
yeah...i think i need to go back to being my chill self
It's all about calming down,Hey when my ex Robin and I were dating we both worried about each other,We both worried about seeing other people and I was hoping Her And I would have a good life/future together but little did I know that she searched for guys on these dating sites while she was still dating her boyfriend which was me at the time,would you believe that crap?:rolleyes:
And Her And her parents were trying to find a way to deter her away from me throughout those 3 1/2 years just because I wasn't management/job material and I couldn't take care of their daughter,such bullshit!:mad:
Diablo
08-09-2008, 07:11 PM
V, your worries are normal and will ease with time. Howard, you should have known from the way she kept bringing up money. You're a bit p'od, but you need to try to put it behind you because issues from a previous relationship can derail a current one. Anyway, I work as a home caregiver now. You know that old saying, "it's better to be p!ssed off than p!ssed on?" Working as a home caregiver, you get p!ssed off and p!ssed on. Anyway, forget about Robin and find either a hippy chick who won't care about money or a woman who has enough of her own money to not care about yours. Women say that money isn't part of the equation, but women lie too.
Howard
08-09-2008, 11:28 PM
Howard, you should have known from the way she kept bringing up money. You're a bit p'od, but you need to try to put it behind you because issues from a previous relationship can derail a current one.
I know Diablo,I'm sorry for keep bringing her up,It's just that I'm angry that's all but now I'm moving on and hopefully going back onto the dating scene again in the near future and enjoying a nice relationship with a girl.
It's all about calming down,Hey when my ex Robin and I were dating we both worried about each other,We both worried about seeing other people and I was hoping Her And I would have a good life/future together but little did I know that she searched for guys on these dating sites while she was still dating her boyfriend which was me at the time,would you believe that crap?:rolleyes:
And Her And her parents were trying to find a way to deter her away from me throughout those 3 1/2 years just because I wasn't management/job material and I couldn't take care of their daughter,such bullshit!:mad:
im sorry to hear about that howard, that is just awful. you will find someone special i am sure of it.
also...money is the main reason why relationships fail...everyone discusses money, everyone fights about money, money ruins relationships within families, loved ones, and friends.
you want a real girl who doesn't obsess over money and how doesnt have superficial qualities--sure money is important, there is no getting around that, but should not be the main focus to a relationship. you just need someone who is real and cares about your relationship, your love, rather than "things."
Howard
08-11-2008, 10:02 PM
also...money is the main reason why relationships fail...everyone discusses money, everyone fights about money, money ruins relationships within families, loved ones, and friends.
Tell that to my ex who wanted me to work a 20,000 dollar a year job and I haven't had a job in over a decade and now I'm trying my hardest to work my way up the ladder again.
why did she want you to have that job? what job did you have that she didnt like? and why?
Howard
08-12-2008, 10:55 AM
why did she want you to have that job? what job did you have that she didnt like? and why?
No I was the one who wanted that job at Pathmark because it was close to her house and we got to see each other more often on Sundays.
To be with her,I had to get a job or any job or she'd terminate the relationship because her And her parents would think that I'm not motivated or have any ambition and I find that to be bullshit.They didn't know me that well,they evaluated me too short of a time.It was always about either the money or the job wasn't right,That was confusing.
i mean having a job is important, and ambition is important...but not to be with you because your job wasnt good enough or the money wasn't good enough is very unfair.
how old are you? and how old was she?
have you found anyone new yet?
Howard
08-12-2008, 02:49 PM
i mean having a job is important, and ambition is important...but not to be with you because your job wasnt good enough or the money wasn't good enough is very unfair.
how old are you? and how old was she?
have you found anyone new yet?
I'm 34 years old and I believe she's going to be 29 in November and we both live with our Parents,we didn't get much privacy except for those Sundays where she had to shoo her parents out of the house for a day so Her And I could get some privacy before they came home in the evening.It was like she was telling them that I want to be with my boyfriend for the day so you guys have to do something or anything and not come home till later.I felt kind of embarassed when we were about to kiss/make out at the end of rromantic evening and she kept saying that I don't know when my parents will be home so we had to keep most of our clothes on.See,that's what happens when you live with your Mother/Father.:rolleyes:
Howard
08-12-2008, 02:50 PM
i mean having a job is important, and ambition is important...but not to be with you because your job wasnt good enough or the money wasn't good enough is very unfair.
how old are you? and how old was she?
have you found anyone new yet?
I'm 34 years old and I believe she's going to be 29 in November and we both live with our Parents,we didn't get much privacy except for those Sundays where she had to shoo her parents out of the house for a day so Her And I could get some privacy before they came home in the evening.It was like she was telling them that I want to be with my boyfriend for the day so you guys have to do something or anything and not come home till later.I felt kind of embarassed when we were about to kiss/make out at the end of romantic evening and she kept saying that I don't know when my parents will be home so we had to keep most of our clothes on.See,that's what happens when you live with your Mother/Father.:rolleyes:
I'm trying to ask this worker at Pathmark,Kamika if she'd like to go out with me someday,we both exchanged cell numbers but she works inside in the Meat Dept and I work outside cart collecting.
ahh yes, that seems complicated i would not want to have to deal with that at all.
Howard
08-12-2008, 02:55 PM
ahh yes, that seems complicated i would not want to have to deal with that at all.
Don't you hate when you date and you find out your mate lives with his/her parents or both of you do? Does it make it awkward for you both to create a life?
i havent ever been in that situation. my mom re-married and moved acorss the country, and im a little younger than you. but this summer my boyfriend was living at home for a couple monthes and I was there a lot. it wasn't uncomfortable, it was fun, but if it went on forever it would be difficult to deal with for sure. and when we had the house to ourselves for the weekend we had so much fun!
also his parents were real great, her parents didn't sound like they were the most fun people to be around--kind of negative and overbearing
Howard
08-13-2008, 09:25 PM
Maybe it's me that I'm dating the wrong women,It's like when I come visit the parents to meet them for the first time,I wonder if in the near future if the girl and I will have the house to ourselves with lots of privacy.
what about finding a girl that is out of her parents house and on her own? a woman who lives with friends, or by herself who is independent and self-efficiant, but looking for a nice man to spend her free time with and grow with?
i see you are from NYC...did you know that statistically speaking there are 5 girls to every 1 guy?
Howard
08-14-2008, 10:33 PM
i see you are from NYC...did you know that statistically speaking there are 5 girls to every 1 guy?
What exactly do you mean by that?
the percent of women to men....there are more women than men in new york city. number wise for every 1 guy there are 5 girls. make sense?
Howard
08-18-2008, 08:33 PM
the percent of women to men....there are more women than men in new york city. number wise for every 1 guy there are 5 girls. make sense?
Yes It makes sense,Thanks V. ;)
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