Jealousy help

[thesoberone]

Hi all,

My first time posting here, I've debated about it for a while. It's kinda complicated, so I'll just hit the highlights real quick.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and a half now. I've been supporting her and providing her with a place for herself and her toddler son to live while she works through an excruciating divorce that rages to this day. The nature of the marriage's end left her with some jealousy and insecurity issues, which is understandable.

Let me clarify for a moment. I've been in several romantic relationships before, but never taken it as far as ual contact and living together until this one. My girlfriend, on the other hand, has had at least six partners, most of them while she was in a relationship with someone else, and several of which she still hangs out with on a regular basis. On top of which, she has nearly cheated on me twice in our relationship while drunk.

Now, I'm fairly proud that I have little to no jealousy issues with her. I trust her enough to hang out with close guy friends when I'm at work and so on, and as of late she's proven herself pretty trustworthy. The problem is that she has the jealousy, to the point where she's nervous with me hanging out with any female when she's not present, and has a couple of my good friends marked as "trying to break us up" by getting close to me.

I do love her, and her little boy, but it doesn't sit well with me that she has a carefree attitude towards her own friends and relationships, but gets incredibly jealous and hostile towards any of mine. There's a lot I'd like to do, a lot I'd like to experiment with, and a lot of things she's been okay with in the past, but not now. Simply because someone who's never wronged her happened to date her after someone who had.

I've talked to her about this many times, and she always promises to get better about it, but it just seems like she's getting worse.

Any advice anyone can offer?

[Nani]

I'm not really sure what to say here but it doesn't seem like she could be a stable partner in your life. I think she has all those insecurities because she has not been faithful to anyone before (according to what's been said above) and gets jealous due to her experiences. Maybe she thinks you are too good for her since you have not given her such a hard time and have forgiven her.

I believe in a relationship, there should be mutual respect. Have you asked her why she gets so jealous? How old is she?

[thesoberone]

I'm 20, she's 23.

Jealousy talks usually end up about her past marriage failure (pretty classic: Walked in on husband with friend). I can understand her worry, but after a year and a half of little to no progress, I'm starting to get concerned.

[eightball61]

On top of which, she has nearly cheated on me twice in our relationship while drunk.


How do you know the full details of this. What makes you think that this may only be half of the story?

You can't ignore the fact that she has a prior history of doing this while dating other guys and is very likely to do it with you. Beacause you "love" her puts you in the state of mind where you don't want to believe mor emay have happened but you can't rule it out totaly because of her history.

Also, you said you've never done anyrthing ually with a partner until her...What may you make a change? Was it her bad-girl image and then you fell for her?

There's a lot I'd like to do, a lot I'd like to experiment with?

GO EXPIREMENT!!! Take my word for it. You're still young & don't think someone will never walk into your life again. Don't hold back your goals and dreams because of a partner. A loving partner would care about your personal goal and want you to do them.





You can blame her history with her marriage being cheated on however she has no room to talk herself. You need to see and nderstand that you will not be able to save her or or change her. While you are only dating her your life is your life and you should do what only makes you happy. You may feel she makes you happy however deep down you know she doesn't and you're hanging on hoping that she will change.

We're not here to tell you where to go in this relationship so again my final advice is to go with what will realistictly make you happy.

[thesoberone]

Also, you said you've never done anyrthing ually with a partner until her...What may you make a change? Was it her bad-girl image and then you fell for her?


Actually, it was just a choice I made. I didn't want to get involved with someone in that way until I had a place of my own and a couple years college under my belt. Priorities and all.

Aside from the effects of alchohol, she's proven to be faithful, and I'm not worried about that. And she's stated that she's not worried about me setting out to cheat on her, just that my chick friends are going to knock on opportunity's door and I'm going to answer.

I do appreciate your guys' help, I'm just really at odds with myself with how to get it through to her that I'm not going to stop talking to my friends just because she's getting possessive.

[eightball61]

Aside from the effects of alchohol, she's proven to be faithful.


Alcholol or not, she's in a relationship and it's not an excuse. You're in denial and you'll stay this way until she really breaks your heart. Goodluck man...

[Spaaron]

Eightball is right. go experiment don't hold back. BE CONFIDENT! IN WHAT YOU DO!!!

Hm it is kind of hard to say what to do, have you in any proven your trust? It's true how you can't blame her for being jealous because of her history. It's become a mental problem for her. In order for her to get over the fear i would say she has to trust you 100% or else she will never change. Another alternative is maybe get her to see a psychologist? They do help.

She will always be who she is until she comes to realise that only she can change herself not someone else. Find ways to reassure her that she can trust and no one is trying to break the two of you apart. Maybe the next time you go out with your friends get her to come along? Then after you guys finish say lunch or dinner talk to her and show her where there is no connection of her trying to get into you. I'm not sure only suggesting, i wouldn't know what to do really unless i was in your situation. Take a risk, take a chance or else you will never know and be stuck driving yourself insane.

Why do you cry - Matt Pokora