need help getting over an ex

[NeedToGetOverIt]

hi. i wanted to know what kind of advice i could get for my issue. my ex-boyfriend and i had been going out for more than 5 years. in year 3 of your relationship, i found out he had been cheating on me with multiple girls here and there throughtout our relationship. of course being the naive and stupid girl that i was, i believed him when he said he would change and would never do it again. but of course, that didn't happen and he continued it, but i didn't find out until 5 months ago when i finally got the courage to break up with him and leave him for good. i thought i was doing a good job of getting over it but i recently found out that he already has a new girlfriend. i am having such a hard time dealing with this. why is it when i thought i was being so strong, am i all of a sudden depressed? how do i deal with trying to get over this? i keep thinking about it. i know time will heal but it's so hard right now. any words of advice??

[beesting]

Hi,

I am also going through similar situations. I broke up with my fiance about 6 months ago. But it wasn't a complete break up. We began talking againafter 2 months of separation. Then a little after the holiday, he decided that it was really over. I also found out at this same time that he began to talk with another woman from another state whom he claims he met online. I was devestated. If you want to know more about my story, it's titled under "A Wish". Anyway, I have been crying every day since our break up, and yesterday became an eye opener for me. I just took a good look at myself in the mirror and I saw that same person who I used to be before I was involved with my ex. I was a stronger person back then. I reminded myself that things happen for a reason and basically I believe that the reason this has happened between my ex and I is because our roles in each other's lives is over. You have to realize that if neither one of you is not helping the other to be a better person, then it is up to you to believe in this and move on to another phase in your life that will help you be that person you were meant to be. ALso if I became weak in the relationship, now I know why this break up needed to happen. It's sort of like re-empowering yourself. You take what you learn from it and use it. I'm not an expert at realtionship and I have had only one experience, but I just wanted to share with you what I learned from it. Much luck...

[eightball61]

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I want to start off with congratulating you for leaving him. It did take some time but you did good for yourself and left. Now I know it hurts and you can't get over him that easy but you done a lot of good by breaking things off. If you stayed with him then there would have been more hurt and lieing going on and you dont need that. You saw that you wanted someone to share your life with that would trustful and faithful. You will soon find that person but like with anything it will take time. You are not ready to date at this moment because you are still stuck on your ex and thats fine.

Healing will always take time and I wish I could help you rush through it but when your mind is ready to let go then you will be ready. In the meantime though just try to stay busy and try some new things. Your thoughts are still to him because being with someone for 5 years your thinking turns to that person and loses the touch that you once were. Your mind has to adjust to single life and also not being with him. Things will get on the uprise though and just give it some time and things will change. I do wish the best for you.


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I want to agree with Rich's post about anger helping you out some. You will go through a mixture of emotions during this period but anger could be the best recipe. Anger can help you form hatred against him and heal quicker. Sometime the problem with anger though is payback. If you form anger against him dont go for payback. Just think about all the things that went wrong and buy a journal and write all your thoughts there to get it out.

[Rich]

Maybe a little anger might help you to get over him.

By constantly fooling around behind your back your BF totally disrespected you and your relationship. Your BF also purposefully potentially exposed you to ually transmitted diseases!!!!

I'd be kinda pissed at that. Who is to say that maybe one or some of the girls that he fooled around with didn't have something that he then could have given to you.

What if he contracted Aids and gave it to you? What if you only had months or years to live right now because of him? How would you be feeling right now?

This might all sound fatalistic, but really it's not! He played with your life with NO regard for you. If he wanted to fool around with whatever girl that he picked up, then he could have broke up with you. He chose not to do that. That's disrespecting you and not giving you a second thought.

Right now if you don't have any ually transmitted diseases, consider yourself lucky and feel like you got a new lease on life.

Getting over someone is a mind game. Use your mind to tell yourself that you're better off to be without him. Things wouldn't have changed if you stayed. He'd still be cheating. Just know in your heart and mind that it's for the best to be broken up with him.

Use what you learned in this relationship to help you in your next one because there will be a next one. So take heart and don't be depressed anymore.

You just got out from under a possible death threat, so feel lucky, rejuvenated and happy. You got a new lease on life.

Rich

[Pamelina]

It can be agony to let go of even the worst person if you had enuf invested in them. So hard to think that all the energy you spent on him didn't help things.

I hope you don't have to see this guy and the new GF all the time--that's a b****. It doesn't sound to me like he even deserves you as a friend--not the way he's treated you.

I tend to think "what goes around, comes around," and he won't do his next relationship right, either, if he operates insensitively like that.

I hope you meet someone else much better down the way. And that this exp won't affect your future happiness in any way.

[smackie9]

Dear needtogetoverit, He's a born cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater I say. You can't be suprised that he already has a new girlfriend. That's the way he operates. The way he is has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong and there's nothing wrong with you. He wasn't the right guy for you and you deserve better, that's for sure! Don't stop being the loving, caring person that you are ;). There's a nice guy out there looking for you! Good Luck!