been 1 year, still not over my ex.

[darkw00ds]

Hi I noticed there are similar topics, so before I read them here is my own. I was with a girl for 3 years, well by the end of december 2003, she cheated on me /broke up with me.. I attempted to get back with ehr and we tried to make i work but i just couldnt trust her anymore.. after that she got back with the other guy and I am alone. I've dated one person since then, and for a while, my EX was completely out of my mind. But latelyl.. about a year after breaking up with her, I keep thinking about the memories that were left and it really brings me down. Is that normal? I have no friends either, My one good friend smokes weed all the time and stopped talking to me, and my other good friend went to college up north. So I am alone every day pretty much and I can't get over her, 'nor build my esteem back up =/

I've read a few books on dating and what attracts girls, the most sucessful book I read promites being y/funny and kind of arrogant to attract girls and I am nowhere near that. I don't have any esteem anymore really, and am basically giving up all hope in life.. I'm 20 years old, no friends.. though I do go to college but I dont really talk to anybody, and when I come home it's the same thing... I dunno any advice is appreciated...

[MissCheivious]

I'm in a similar situation myself (no friends, missing an ex) and let me tell ya, it ain't easy! First of all (and this might sound cliche) but you need to be your own best friend first. If you don't like yourself, no one else will. Since you're in college, you have the perfect oppurtunity to meet new people on a daily basis. I know it's a bit daunting to meet new people but remember, we're all human and we basically have the same insecurities and stuff. Join a club that you're interested in or take up new hobby that includes interacting with people and you'll A). Have something to talk about with new people and B). Be doing new things and with new experiences comes confidence. I'm not saying this is an overnight change but the less you think about it, the easier it becomes. Ok, now about your ex. I find there are phases of a breakup that can last years. Sometimes I might be with a new guy and a year into that relationship with the new guy, I'll start remembering old memories with an ex and think that I made a big mistake breaking up with them and this new person could NEVER know me as well as my ex did. Guess what? It's a phase! Now that I'm older (26), I've seen the phases and I know it's just that. I think it's natural. Now what's not natural is dwelling on it so much that it affects your new relationships or living your life without your ex. You have to face facts, you're probably remincising because you're lonely and that's ok. You also need to rememeber the BAD times. Take the good with the bad. It's easy to look at all the good things and say "What went wrong?" or "I was so happy" and be sad but in reality, something big did go wrong and it did for a reason. Take your good memories of her and put them in the back of your head when you find yourself thinking about them too long. Go work out or do something that will have to take your mind off it. I'm not saying don't ever think about her or don't ever think about her in a good way but also remember the pain that she caused you. The reasons you broke up, the reasons you couldn't trust her. Don't blame yourself and just remember that they're memories and you can always control them. They might sneak up on you but with time, they'll ebb away. My best advice to you is to get out there and BE YOURSELF! You don't need to be y to get women. Be yourself. Be nice and funny (women LOVE that ;) ) and remember, any woman you talk to is just as nervous as you are. There's no reason to doubt yourself because of one failed relationship. There are lots of women out there who would love a man that listens to what they have to say and treats them like a lady. That's the secret to women! LISTEN! That's it! I could sell some books now! :p Seriously, just be yourself and get out there. Soon you won't remember your ex (well, you will but it won't run your life) and you'll be in a different mindframe. Take this as a life lesson and don't let it get you down. :)

[Pamelina]

I do think a guy who has this "I don't give a rip what you think of me" attitude can sure be a challenge. I have tried and tried to understand why and I still don't. But there you have it anyway.

Still, darkw00ds, I think there are many women out there who want a sweet, sincere guy. For keeps, too. I think you will find her if you just keep trying (but not too hard) and don't lose faith in yourself.

Do you go out dancing or anything?

I know how hard it is to forget someone, though. It just puts you in a box emotionally and the wishing them back thing, when you think there might be any slim chance of it happening, can take so long to finally let go of. It's been almost six weeks for me but I can remember not being over someone in my past for longer than a year. What helped? Moving on with my life and finding someone else a lot more promising.

Take care!

[beesting]

Darkwood,

I have to agree with my fellow sisters here. do yourself a favor, if she is the one who cheated on you, she didn't have respect for you it seems... think of it that way. She wouldn't have been able to cheat on you if she had any respect for you and your relationship, expecially since it has been 3 years. You had a right to know if her feelings were changing....
I know it has been a year since your break up and it is normal to miss someone who you have been with for a certain amount of time. When I became involved with my ex-fiance, he had very low self esteem. He was around your age and with hardly any friends (he got close with my circle, he didn't feel comfortable hanging out with people his own age, I was 5 and 1/2 years older) I just want to let you know that being with him taught me that in order to truly give love, you have to love yourself first. How are you truly going to love someone if you do not start with yourself. I think that was the biggest problem in my relationship with my ex... he lacked that self love and selfworth... So he was unable to give me what I truly wanted out of the relationship. We tried and tried to figure out how to resolve our issues, but his issues we were unable to address... If you can work on that, then you are on your way to finding yourself on the right track...

Much luck and keep us posted!

[smackie9]

Dear darkw(o)(o)ds, being dumped will deflate anyone's ego and self esteem. We all go through it. Stop thinking about it so much. You know you can't change the past. These negative feelings (sadness, low self esteem, lonliness), people sense them and are repelled by them. You just need someone to talk to. There's a lot of lonely ladies out there on the net that would love to talk to you. Msn chat, Yahoo chat, etc. My co-worker just went through a nasty divorce. He went on msn chat and now has a few women on the go and he's an older balding guy!

[eightball61]

I am 23 and you remind me of myself. If I didn;t have my Gf then I would be alone also. I ditched all my friends because they used me and the ones that didn't use me did drugs and I didn't want to be around that. I too go to school and work 4 different jobs. When I have my alone time I come online to boards like this to talk to people or try to help. For me that keeps me active but we all have different interest. You need to fid what intrest you and make that step to that goal and you will meet new people with the same interest along the way.

When I was a drinker at 21 I also went to bars alone and after going to the same places over and over I got in with the usual crowd there and fit in. Baically you need to find things to interest you and do it. Sure you will think of her from time to time but thats not going to help you move on. You need to find things to keep your mind busy. She will always be in your heart and there is nothing wrong with thinking about those good times but she did cheat on you and that was over a year ago. Just go out and find something for you.

[darkw00ds]

Thanks ya'll these replies helped me out nad make a lot of sense.. I appreciate the advice.. and its good to know im not he only one in the world thats like this..

[eightball61]

Thanks ya'll these replies helped me out nad make a lot of sense.. I appreciate the advice.. and its good to know im not he only one in the world thats like this..


Please keep us updated and explore some off these options we gave you. :o

[darkw00ds]

Well here is an update.. I have been hanging out with a friend whom I'm pretty well aquainted with but not "CLOSE" with.. but he's a good guy.. we hang out and stuff.. Well I dont really know what is wrong with me.. I can't get her out of my head.. Is it because I dont talk to any girls? I mean I dont really have any opportunities to talk to girls.. What am I gonna do? Just go up to girls randomly and say "Hey whats up?" at a store or somthing..?

It sucks at work I think about her a lot.. and a song came on that reminds me of her singing to me.. and it just killed me inside.. I work construction and with the "guys" so I wipe away the tears quickly so they dont notice..

And NOW... the last time I talked to her was in Jan.. I just now sent her a text message that says "322" - wich was our code for "I love you"

I miss her so much, I know she did me wrong, I also did her wrong also.. and I know she already has another bf but I loved her so much.. We said "I love you" every day for 3 years.. we were NEVER apart EVER for 3 years.. And being alone and graduated.. and growing up.. a young adult.. working everyday is so hard from such a constant change... I dont mean to bore ya'll with my sob stories but I dont VENT to anybody and if I keep all this bottled up I will snap...

Every day I think about her.. I dont kno wwhy.. It shouldn't be this way.. I should be confident and dating or what not.. but before I can do that I have to dig myself out of this RUT! I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved her..
We broke up last january (2004) - and we talked off an on for 8 months.. she has another BF and in september 2004 - I called her while I was "buzzed" I had been drinking, she came over in her bf's car to see if I was ok and I just hugged her desperately crying and we held hands and walked and just hugged and talked.. and we kissed too.. but she said it's not right she already with someone else.. and disappeared again out of my life.. I love her soooo much and am so lonely... I'm sorry for being so emotional on here.. I just can't take it anymore..

[Rich]

To attract a nice mate.....just be a nice guy. Actually you should just be you because that's who you're going to be in the relationship anyway.

When people try to be someone that they're not to attract someone and the do actually attract someone. Then the relationship gets in trouble when that person reverts back to who they are and inevitably they do.

Just be yourself if you're a nice guy. If you're not a nice guy, then learn how to become one.

Rich

[eightball61]

Every day I think about her.. I dont kno wwhy.. It shouldn't be this way.. I should be confident and dating or what not.. but before I can do that I have to dig myself out of this RUT! I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved her..
We broke up last january (2004) - and we talked off an on for 8 months.. she has another BF and in september 2004 -.

If you can't help it anymore then stp texting her and all forms of communication. You are still stuck on her hoping for hope after a breakup over a year ago. I understand it takes time to heal but if you want to help yourself heal through it and move on then you are doing it the wrong way. I know you are lonely and its nice to hear from here but nothing has proven that you both will be back together. Instead of breaking your heart more with hope thats not happening try something that will keep you active and get out there rather than on this. Try some things that we suggested....and take it from there.

[2BDMD]

Darkwoods:

I just read your posts and I wanted to check up on you to see if things are a little bit better? Listen my friend, the best medications for your broken heart is

Time
Faith
Patience

Time will heal you, my man, it's normal and healthy to miss your ex, I was there. When my ex pulled the final stunt on me, I was hurt and blowned away. I missed her, I missed her and I missed her. Each and every day that have gone by, my heart healed a little more. Sure old memories will come back and hunt me and break my heart some more, but again, day by day, my heart healed.

You got to have faith that someone else is out there for you and they will treat you so much better. Believe in that. I didn't think it was possible, that I would find someone make me more happy than my ex can, but I did! My current GF makes me "high" everyday I'm with her! You have to believe and your girl will come.

Good luck and let us know what's new?

[darkw00ds]

poopuu89u088oyu8oy8y8y78y78

[eightball61]

Life is great when you're having fun at it. If you think you're having fun then have at it. Some people won't be able to handle what your doing but where all different.

Best Wishes

[smackie9]

Sounds like you haven't sorted out all those emotions for your x, getting over your x, and trying to move on with your life. It's quite a tall order. Have your fun for now but don't hang around too long, or you will never be able to clear your head. And it's too early to find someone that is better that your x, but you will, in time. Get a hobby or two, and that doesn't include drinking...lol.

[angeleyes325]

Darkwoods,

1st off, if 2 f**** buddies is what you want fine, that's your choice. But I'm telling you from what I've read in your post, your still not over her and you basically screwed her out of vengence, which is pretty low of you IMO, AND I THINK YOU ARE STILL DEEP DOWN IN LOVE WITH HER AND JUST WON'T ADMIT IT. And second, whose to say that one day (probably sooner than you think) one if not both of these women find out about each other and ditch you because of it. Happens all the time and in fact its happened to a friend of mine who was married for 22 years, divorced, then decided to become a "player" at 38. The whole thing blew up in his face and he's now back at square one.

So my advise is BE CAREFUL IN HOW YOU GO ABOUT YOUR PLAYING. It can and usually does backfire. So if I were you I'd also invest in Hobby that doesn't involve having "no strings attached " cause you never know when or if you'll need it.

Best of luck to you
Angel

[darkw00ds]

Hey thanks for the replies, yeah you know, if you ask me I never thought I would be doin' somthing like this but life is just weird.

Do I still love her? I guess I love the memory of her, that's the only thing. You see, what I realize is she is not who she was 2 years ago. Sure it's the same person, but 2 years is a long time. We both have changed a little. But we still have our good memories, and the best thing I can do is just be a friend.

And no, I am not "deeply in love with her" still, I think I would have asked her to be with me if I was. of course I'm not telling anybody I know in real life about this, just because they will think I am an idiot, wich I don't blame them. Of course I dont need any extra drama, but I keep it under control, and you know, being a guy, I'll admit I'm just thinking with my other brain.

You see, the Ex doesn't have anyone to talk to 'nor does she get any "action" - So in the process I got some "Action" and she had some too, as long as someone to "talk to" because she can't talk to anyone else, (not even her husband)

But I'm going to keep it a friendship....with benefits. :p

[darkw00ds]

Sounds like you haven't sorted out all those emotions for your x, getting over your x, and trying to move on with your life. It's quite a tall order. Have your fun for now but don't hang around too long, or you will never be able to clear your head. And it's too early to find someone that is better that your x, but you will, in time. Get a hobby or two, and that doesn't include drinking...lol.

Believe it or not, I really have sorted the emotions out. I have really gotten over her, and I was really moving on with my life. I mean I do have a F**** buddy so I was gettin' my needs. But this was just a little extra thing on the side, with not really any sentiment. I guess we both have grown past it. I mean, I am 21, and she is 22. We met when I was 16 and she was 17! - And yeah I got a lot of hobbies. Computers, guitar, drawing - art, working out at Gym, hanging out with friends, so I keep myself busy.I guess I just came on here to brag or rant or let out my utter disbelief at the irony of the situation to random strangers. So I thank you all for listening to my strange story.

Drinking as a hobby is dangerous.. LOL - I only drink occasionally. :)

[smackie9]

Hey, that is the impression I'm getting from your post. Keeping her as a f...friend/buddy isn't moving on, no matter what you are telling yourself. What you are doing is basically dating her again.

[eightball61]

Hey, that is the impression I'm getting from your post. Keeping her as a f...friend/buddy isn't moving on, no matter what you are telling yourself. What you are doing is basically dating her again.



That's soooo true......Either way you look at it a f*** buddy is still considered a relationship.