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View Full Version : He's leaving for Iraq.. where do I stand?


FigureEight
09-13-2008, 12:23 AM
For me, this is an interesting situation.. one I've never been in before.

I've been talking to this guy for about a month. Unfortunately he's not stationed in my state, however very close. But due to his hectic schedule and my school/work schedule being able to see each other has been impossible. I was supposed to go visit him on his 2 week leave before him deploying, but that went to heck in a hurry when he found out he's leaving in two days.

In any event, the past week and a half, we've BARELY talked and that's because of his crazy schedule now having to leave much sooner than expected. We used to web cam ALL the time and in the beginning we'd talk for hours, and hours, and hours, and hours. Darn near all night and we would chat all day. We have an unbelievable amount in common and there was this instant "click". It was just a feeling that you think, "wow, THIS is the guy I've been looking for... THIS is my soul mate"

So while we were talking, once he told me he has a huge crush on me, and at another point, he told me that he'd really like to try and make a go of a relationship.. and he wanted to be exclusive. At this point, even though I felt like it was the right thing to do, I was still a little reserved, not because I didn't like him, but because I had wanted to see him first. However, I never said yes or no, kind of brushed it off, but it really wasn't a big deal and didn't effect him. We still talked normally and everything was fine, obviously until he really had to stop talking due to his work.

Well, he gave me the address to send letters and I wrote it down. After not talking to him, I realized that I think him and I could really make it work, so I wrote an offline message telling him how I felt and if he was still interested in a relationship, I was all for it as well.

Lucky enough, about an hour later he came online. We talked very briefly and I asked him if he got my last offline message. He said he had and that he has to think about it because he has a lot of things going through his mind right now but he would love for me to still send letters. (Yes he said love). This is when I found out he leaves in two days, to which he said "That's why I have a lot on my mind". At one point in our brief conversation, he said he missed talking to me.

Where do I stand? Do you think this could still turn into a relationship at some point or did I miss my boat? And how long after he leaves should I send a letter? It won't get to him right away because I have to send it to his station at which point it'll go from his station to Iraq which I know is a lengthy amount of time. So should I mail it Monday? Am I over-analyzing the situation? Do you think his feelings have changed for me or he's just overwhelmed with Iraq and he'll feel the same way for me when he gets settled in or back home.

In put is appreciated!

-FigureEight

FigureEight
09-14-2008, 01:39 PM
Anyone advice?

dmitch77
11-11-2008, 07:02 AM
well, not speaking from experience, but knowing a few people who have had relationships with people in the military who have gone to Iraq or are still currently in Iraq. I believe the minimum deployment over there right now is 18 months (a VERY long time). In that period of time, an entire slew of things can happen. From being shot at, killed, nearly killed, watching people getting killed...killing! And ALL of which can weigh heavy on psychosocial relationships and the way a person thinks. On TOP of ALL the women over in Iraq and the lack there of and intimacy...s, locals, women in the military etc... I mean, you won't really know anything until he gets back, but I wouldn't hold myself out for somebody I've NEVER met and who is going to be gone for a LONG period of time. I've never known a person who has had a successful relationship to somebody who has gone over to Iraq, my sister-in-law divorced her husband of 5 years (he's STILL currently in Iraq, got re-deployed and just re-enlisted for an additional 4 years) She is now re-married. My sister got married to a guy, she never lived with him and he was deployed to Iraq 3 months after them being together. It only took her about 1 1/2 months to decide that she wanted to get an annulment, since he's been back, they've been talking but I do not foresee them ever getting back together. (He has a lot of mental problems from Iraq, he got spit on here in the U.S. and almost killed a guy because he thought he was getting shot at, for example).

As EVERY person I've known in the military who has gone to war, one of their most famous sayings are "if the military wanted you to have a wife, they'd issue you one". My brother is also a Marine and he has had a LOT of relationship problems, married twice now, he and his current wife broke up but I guess they are trying to work things out now.

But like I said before, I most definitely wouldn't hold out for somebody I've never met before (the biggest reason, in my opinion as being a man), I personally think that the reason he is being so talkative and asking you out without meeting you is because MOST men I've talked to have said, "If I had to go to war, I'd get married right now" Not because they actually want to, but I guess it gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling inside knowing that there will be somebody waiting there for them and writing them while they are in Iraq. Don't believe for one second that he will be faithful to you, especially since you two haven't even met and aren't really together, there ARE ways for him to get things over there and 18 months is a LONG time to go without and your hand can only feel good for so long.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth from people I've talked to. Good luck and best wishes to you both.