need help real fast, can anyone help me please

[lostindian]

well heres the situation, ive been in a relationship for almost 2 years next month, and the last year has been real bumpy, i have just found out that my girlfriend doesnt like me anymore and she is only with me becauce i dont want her to break up with me, also because i have in the past mentioned d probably do something stupid if she broke up with me, and that i would not stay friends with her at all. i love her to much to let her go, and now im lost as to what to do, she says she will break up one day. if any one can help please do, need all the advice i can get

[eightball61]

Sometimes you just have to accept the challenges of a relationship. You mention you did something stupid in the past that she may not like and with my thinking to what that may be you are then probably right. The real picture here though is that you "heard" she doesn't want to be with you anymore. If you didn't hear this directly from here then you both need to talk to each other and see where things stand. Its not fair to either of you continue on this relationship path with this much uncertainty. You need to know where things are and how the future stands but you will never know without a talk.

[lostindian]

well it was my girlfriend who told me she didnt like me anymore, and that she is only staying with me as i dont want her to leave. and also she is afraid that i will kill myself if she does. which could be a possiblity, but she is gong to leave me anyway, iam trying to find away in which i could make this relationship to work, but hope is fading fast.

[eightball61]

If you are thinking about killing yourself or threatening that if she leaves then you need to seek professional help. A breakup usually occurs when the relationship was is dead or nothing can't be worked out at that time. There is billions of single girls out there and if one made you think this way then you need the professional help and guidence of a profession...this is something we can't guide you to do here. I am looking out for safty for you and her here.

[lostindian]

the thing is i dont think i would do that, but i may end up doing something stupid. i really love the girl and i dont want her to leave. she also wants to stay mates, but the fact is i cannot do that, because of the way i feel and ill just end up getting hurt when she starts dating again or doing other stuff.

[eightball61]

One way or another you are talking stupid...I am not calling you stupid but you are talking stupid. I understand that you can't be a friend and that happens a lot because its hard to seperate past feeling and turn them into a friendship only thing. If a breakup occurs out of this then you have to grow up and learn to accept that this happens in life. We know its heart breaking and has a deep inpact but to think about doing something stupid is plain immature and childish. On the otherhand if you did have these thoughts then seek professional help.

[lostindian]

yeah i have thought about lt and i know for sure iam not going to do anything, it would just make her misrible inthe long run. but i definatly want to amek this relation go on, and just runnig out of hope at the moment. got any suggestios?

[eightball61]

You both are allready broken up in the own sense. She doesn't ant to leave because of many fears but what is the point of being with someone that you know nothing will ever grow? You both need to do yourself a favor and just part ways. Staying together as you see is only causing a headache. You are basically split up now but with out the formal " I dont want to be together anymore" said yet. Well....kinda has been aid but not fully. Anyhow though it will hurt for sometime but that will heal. Staying with the confusion adn with her will only cause fustration, hate, and no advancement.

You are the one in this situation. You wanted advice and now you got my opinion. To me this is the only fair thing to do.

[MissCheivious]

yeah i have thought about lt and i know for sure iam not going to do anything, it would just make her misrible inthe long run. but i definatly want to amek this relation go on, and just runnig out of hope at the moment. got any suggestios?Oh man, this isn't the way you should go about this. Don't ever harm yourself over someone else for ANY reason! If you want her back and you think there's a chance, here's what you can do. First of all, quit acting like the victim. I know you feel hurt and rejected and you think if you show her how bad you feel, she'll feel bad and take you back. That's not the way those things work. That's called a guilt trip and you don't want someone to be with you out of guilt do you? When you act sad around her, that almost confirms why she wants the realtionship to end. All of us do these things when a relationship ends and it's perfectly normal but it gets you nowhere. Most of the time, the person who is ending the relationship sees this behavior and runs further away. You can undo all of this by changing your reactions to her actions. Apathy. Learn that word. Memorize it. Write it down. Get to be best friends with that word. This is your key. When you AGREE with everything she says about what you did wrong in the relationship, you're taking away the power. When you agree that yes, you don't belong together, she'll have nothing to say and THAT will make her think. What you're doing by telling her this (and NO, you don't have to mean it ;) ) is pulling instead of pushing her. You're taking control without her realizing it and that is important! If you agree with the bad things, she will start to question why she ended things and see that you're not desperate to get her back and THAT is what you want. You want her to think she's messing up. Another thing to do is act happy. It might be an act but you can do it. Don't try to make her jealous either. If she asks if you're dating anyone else, don't be direct, you can create the illusion that you are. If you think you're ready to date someone else then by all means, do so but don't do it out of spite and don't tell her unless she asks. Also, do things to better yourself. Work out, take a class, learn about a new subject you might be interested in. Improve yourself and change the way you react to the things she's said to hurt you or reject you. Either way, if you do these things, you can't lose. If you don't get her back, you'll have improved yourself (by working out or whatever you choose to do) and here's a little secret, when you force yourself to fake emotions, you start to actually feel them after some time. Act happy and sooner or later, happiness will come to you. All of the stuff I've said is easier said than done, it's a work in progress everyday but the goal of this is to improve yourself first and foremost and if you get her back in the process, GREAT! If you don't, you now have the tools to get over breakups in a healthier way. Good luck to you. :)

[lostindian]

hey guys thanks for all your help. iv relaxed a bit now looking at the bright side of things, just another thing, des any one by any chance know how to find out how a gurl feels about you, in this case my girlfriend, like her true feelings, i have a feeling she is only saying that she doesnt like me.

[eightball61]

i have a feeling she is only saying that she doesnt like me.


^^ If so then that be a cruel joke to continue saying....Every person differs so trying to pinpoint feelings is hard unless you ask. You did and got your answer. You now know my thoughts to the whole thing and its up to you if you continue this but I see no sign of it going away unless you both just part. Try looking at the reality of things.

[MissCheivious]

Best way to find that out is to ask her. :)

[auntim33]

Hi, lostindian, I'm a newbie and I saw your post and had to reply. First let me say that nobody is worth harming yourself over, I know. It sounds like you two are having alot of problems and I'm sorry. It sounds to me like you both would be happier if you went your seperate ways, you both are unhappy and in a unhappy relationship, why not take a break and see what happens, you two might discover how happy you can be, you never know. Ms. Right is out there, maybe you'll get lucky like eightball and she'll fall into your lap. I hope things work out. :o

[eightball61]

Ms. Right is out there, maybe you'll get lucky like eightball and she'll fall into your lap. I hope things work out. :o



lol Welcome to the community auntim33 :D I had to highlight this one because I chuckled some. I do consider myself lucky to have my girlfreind but I am far from having any kind of actual good luck....heck I am still waiting to win the lottery. :p

[auntim33]

Hi eightball, and thanks. :) Well I think you're pretty lucky, I'm still waiting for Mr. Right.....the lottery would be pretty nice too. Michelle

[eightball61]

Michelle Mr. Right will come along....it better waiting than being with Mr. Wrong. Just play the lottery in th mean time :D

[auntim33]

Thanks eightball. I just might have better luck. I've dated enough Mr. Wrongs to know better. Good luck with your girl. :)

[eightball61]

I've dated enough Mr. Wrongs to know better.



Bit even a right can stil be a wrong. When you get into a relationship take it step by step and slow to see what the man becomes to be. That is the best advice I probably have for you there. I will say though you will find him one day ;)

[auntim33]

Thanks eightball.

[bdtraders]

Yea Mr. right will come along for you auntim33 and Miss. Right will come along for you lostindian.
Trust me i have had my share of GFs and I can say by far the most complicated relationship is the one that I am currently in, if my current GF was any of my other GFs in the past i would have bailed by now, but sometimes the hardest ones are the ones worth keeping. But it takes BOTH of you to make it work, not just you. If shes saying she dosent like you anymore, i think its cut and dry, its not like shes mad at you says "i hate you" out of anger then makes it up later. She keeps telling you she dosent like, then she added the reason why she hasnt broke up with you is because shes scared for your safety. To me thats cut and dry man, I will work tooth and nail in a relationship to save it, even if she says she wants to break up i will still try to salvage it, but the point when she tells me she dosent want to be with me anymore, its done. Simple as that. Respect her wishs, and leave her alone, if its a mistake SHE WILL come back to you, in her own time. But thats for her to decide. Also i know you cleared your headbut dude, NO WOMAN, i repeat NO WOMAN, zero, zilch, none, no woman is worth killing yourself for. I would give my life for my GF to save hers or her kids, but I would not give my life for her if she didnt want me. But cant fault you I have been there myself, but clear your head and realize that theres alot of good women out there and when you find the right one you will know it. I found the right one, cause if she wasnt i dont know why i have worked on it, you just get a gut feeling, and dont let the devil persuade you to take the easy rode out of true love. You want true love, not instant gratification. its out there lostindian, now go find her.