Long Distance Trouble !!!!!

[niceguy347]

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now, and we have only been physically apart for about 2 months. I have always known she has required alot of affection, which works for us because i like to give it out. But to make a long story short, when she is with me, she is fine, perfect, and happy, but when she is away....and not getting my affection....she tends to still want it. Now....she neds this affection because she was raised badly, and w/o love. so basically....the idea was thrown around....for her to have a "no strings attatched guy that she could just....get affection from (). She swears to me shes not just and wants , and i believe her, i know how she thinks. She just requires the feeling of being wanted for attention.

So basically, even though it hurt me, i let her, and she did it, once, with another guy. Afterwards, i changed my mind about letting her havea buddy, but she already had , she cried, i was shocked (i didnt break up w/her cuz i technically gave her permission). she begged for my forgiveness b/c she was legitimately sorry. And she tells me the itself was painful, didnt enjoy it, and only enjoyed the convo after the . so.....after a few relapses....i forgave her (by relapses i mean i kept bringing it up). Anyway, so that passes by, and then i get a call one morning and i find out a guy ually assaulted her, he did not rape her, or achieve penetration, but he molested her( only one or two touches). And so obviously i was sad, gave her support, etc etc.

As a result of all this, i find out she watches movies with guys in bed, like, not snuggling, but......just on their bed with them. (we are in college, in a dorm setting). So i was pissed at that. and what happened, was the first guy she slept with, spread the word that my girlfriend was a .......which isnt true, b/c she only had one partner before me. and it turns out, the guy who assaulted her, thought she would just put out, b/c she was loose, like the other guy said.

ANYWAY......my question is....what should i do ? I am suspicious of every single male around her.....i mean, i shouldnt have done it, but i looked at her facebook messages, and thats how i found out some stuff(like she was in guys beds, and gave them back rubs, and vice versa) but......even tho i spied......i cant help but thinking about what she could be hiding from me.......i am always jealous, of stupid, stupid things........i know she isnt being unfaithful....but....i keep being jealous, hurting her feelings, and making her guilty.......

so basically......how can i let go of my jealousy ? should i let go of it at all ? does she deserve to be forgiven ? she promised me not to hang with any guys bsides the ones she already trusted and knew from back home (where we used to live).

so yeah.......what in the world do i do ? does she deserve me ? i am so lost........


thanks for any help guys.......

[Fizzgig]

In my opinion you throwing the idea of a 'no strings' guy around does not necessarily mean you're comfortable with it. Based on the chain of events, you were definitely not comfortable with the idea - though I understand you wanted to make her happy.

But you have to have your limits.

I could be wrong, but again - based on what you're telling us, it doesn't seem like I am.

Here is my advice:

1. You ask her in trust not to mess around with any guys, lay it all out there and let her know its not making you comfortable (I don't blame you in the least) if she says she won't, you do a full mental shift and trust her. You'll end up having to bite you're tongue quite a bit. If shes worth it to you shes worth it.

2. You just suck it up for as long as you can, chances are you'll have a falling out or something like that and you both will be miserable.

3. Walk away.

I really have been in a similar situation, I assure you I know that it sucks; those are the situations I was faced with and I made my choice. Just know whatever choice you make you must live with it.

I think this is a great question for Rich (I'm assuming he's still around I havent checked out the forums in a while) He could give you a more unbiased opinion.

Good luck man.

[smackie9]

She has a self esteem problem and all you are doing is enabling her. Letting her fulfill her need for affection is not solving her problem. If she has this kind of behavior stemming from how she was raised, then she really needs counseling to work out her issues. You are a fool to think that this relationship and what she is doing is healthy. She really needs help.

[Laura80]

I have the same opinion as smackie9. Don't let her hurt your feelings. She needs professional help - dealing with her problems the way she does won't do anything. And in the end it will just kill your relationship. Right now it really doesn't sound healthy...