My girlfriend has 2 personalities

[Edgar]

I've been going out with a girl for 2 years. We're both 22 and we met when we were both undergrad students at college.. now she is a graduate student and I am finishing up my senior year. I live on campus and she lives at home with her parents, about 35 minutes from school.

Since we have been together, we've felt this unbelievably close bond that we've never felt before with anyone else. We can talk with each other for hours when we're alone together, or out on a dinner date. At my place we can get extremely close when being intimate, and even fall asleep in each other's arms when we're not tired. We both have the same sense of humor and we get along so well.

However, she has always had this problem of feeling uncomfortable talking to me when she is at her house or around her parents. When her and I are with each other alone outside of her house, she will open up to me and feel totally comfortable talking to me about anything, and we'll talk for hours. However if I call her on the phone, or she calls me when she is at home, she will hardly say a thing. I try being funny or talking about something interesting, but she responds with 1-2 word answers. I end up dominating the conversation and feeling frustrated just trying to come up with things to say because of this. It's almost like she becomes a totally different person. And if I suggest something fun for us to do, like taking a trip someplace I know she would love, it seems that she turns in to her mother and comes up with excuses why she shouldn't go, instead of figuring out a way we can go.

And lately it has gotten worse. Since she has become a graduate student, she has focused almost all her attention on her career becoming a teacher and working in the classroom. I have stood by her this whole school year, being there for her, supporting her and listening to her stresses about school. However, she seems to forget she is in a relationship with me. I understand she is much busier now, but I have needs too. Next semester I am going to be a graduate student too, and I am getting an apartment off campus. I suggested that she live there with me. She would absolutely love to, but she knows her parents would never let her. They won't even let her spend the night in the dorms with me.

I am really confused on what to do. I love her to death and I don't want to leave her because of this. I've talked to her about issues with her parents, and how she should try talking with them about being granted certain freedoms, but she doesn't feel comfortable doing it. Please help me!

[eightball61]

Its coming to a tough time with her graduating and being focused on future goals. I am sure she still wants you into her life and future but right now she is excited to graduate and get this all out of the way. She needs to set a career like you need to do and thats what she is doing.

You mention that you both communicate well alone and maybe you need to take her out for a coffee to tell her how you feel. Living with her parents may not be an easy thing and I live with mine and when I am home I am not as open around them either because I am now old enough to make my own decision. When facing problems in the relationship she may want to talk outside of the house so her parents dont but into your problems.

You should notice a change within time but she needs to establish of herself and goals. Its not going to be easy and this is just another test to show how strong your bond is together. As for her communicating more not in the house its normal and again you'll see a change once you both live together....I hope this sheds some light to why she may be acting like this but try calking to her about this.

[bdtraders]

Yea you mentioned that her parents dont agree with you and her on some subjects such as living together, so that is why she acts that way at home, dont take it personal, she does open up to you one on one when your alone.
As for her paying more attention towards her school work right now, well if you love her and she loves you then let her focus on her school work, you dont want her to mess up and fail and have it turn around on you that if she wasnt focusing on YOU all the time she would have passed her classes. Both of you need to focus on your schooling and just be there for each other as needed. Not sound mean but school should be her #1 priority right now , as it should be yours when you start. Thats what will help you get your jobs and pay your bills int he future to make your lives better as life goes on.
If you really love each other you will except all this for now, cause it will benifit you in the future.

[Planescape]

I know what its like to have a g/f who doesn't always say much on the phone, with mine she does it most of the time. If your g/f is only doing it when shes at home then maybe make the phone conversations a little shorter so you don't get frustrated but be glad that in other situations she does open up to you. Its a good sign for you and I'm sure you know that. Make sure you both concentrate on school but still spend some time together regardless of whether or not she moves in with you.
With her parents you could try finding out what their reservations are if you don't know already I mean and see if you can address these reservations with them.

The main thing to remember here is that you both want each other in your lives and thats something that will get you through a lot.

[smackie9]

Give her a break. She's stuck between a rock and a hard place. At this time she needs to please her parents and fulfill their expectations of her. Man, that's a lot of pressure. Be patient, once she's finished with her obligation to her parents, she's all yours. No worries.

[Rich]

IMO you've left out quite a bit of background info on your GF for us to give some really helpful info here. Any info given now would just be surface level.

Was she an only child? Where did she grow up? Are you her first BF? Is she outgoing? Very religious? Are her parents dominating? What's her self confidence level?

Just on a surface it seems like there's this totally opposite person that's waiting to come out of her shell and that's the person that you get when you're alone with her.

At home it seems like she's subservient to her parents and they run her life to an extent. That will only continue for a while until she builds up the confidence to set them straight.

Again, that might never happen as well. Depends on how dominating her parents are.

Rich