Would you consider this healthy communication?

[redbox]

Ok, first off I'll be honest this is my girlfriends idea and I do not think it's a healthy way of communicating. I'll explain why after I present her idea.

When we fight, she wants us both to say what we have to say and then walk away. Not allowing an opportunity for the other to respond (she believes this will stop the argument from continuing and getting ugly). She says that we should speak our peace and be done with it, and leave it up to the other person to decide what if anything they want to do about what was said. i.e. make changes, what have you.

I do not think this will promote healthy communication. I think it actually encourages ignoring the other person, because all one has to do is listen for a few minutes and then sweep it under the rug. I agree that we should both be able to say what we want, but then I think we should both be working on a compromise together. I feel that simply saying what you're mad at, or what you're hurt from and then walking away from the situation is not healthy. Both parties have feelings, and they should be able to be discussed.

I relate this to a way "friends" would communicate.

What do you guys think? I'm open minded about most things, so if you feel I'm wrong and she's right please state so. Also, any suggestions or advice would also be appreciated.

redbox.

[smackie9]

The method she suggests is for anger management, where you really have serious problems with communicating. It's ok to use it if it turns into a heated argument, but you should be working towards communicating on a fair and collective level. It's all about how you both respond to each other when an issue arises. If you go into a rage then ya I can see why she would suggest such a thing. I think she is sending a signal here that she really doesn't like fighting with you and this is her way to stop it from happening.

[eightball61]

If the method works intially then it may be ok to try however you both will still need to face each other after to close things off. Running away from an arguement isn't always the answer. Running doesn't provide closure and doesn't give a sense to where you and your partner stand. I will say that not all arguements will be solved to your satisfacition either. The arguement may settle more into your partners favor but you have to remember that arguements are not a battle to win. We have arguements because it's differences between partners thoughts. Arguements can help you see and learn more about your partner. Again, when it all ends it may not always settle in your favor but the positives are is that you both learn from each other in arguements & you both learn how to come together in an agreement. The goal of working on the long-term relationship it to work together and become one.....Not work against and hide.

[Rich]

I'm ok with it but with a modification. I suggest that you each speak your piece, walk away for about 30 minutes and then come back together again to put the issue to rest.

Walking away for 30 minutes gives you time to think and to choose your words carefully. When arguing we tend to say things that are hurtful in the heat of the moment and once things come out of our mouth, we can never take them back. Kinda like hammering a nail through a piece of wood. You can apologize and take the nail back out, but a hole is left. So before you hammer home your point, make sure that it's worth the damage to your relationship. Time to think helps.

So yes, walk away, but then come back and resolve the issue. Just speaking your mind and walking away solves nothing. Typically issues need some type of resolution. Just speaking and then walking away resolves nothing.