Feeling low

[xxsirvtecxx]

Well as some of you katz know im going through some hard times with my gurl....she and i have been togther for 3 years and she just turned 21 last year and has been going out to the bars alot...like everyday she doesnt have towork...and sometimes when she works afterwards....i mean is it normal to go out that much and drink and hang out? but anyway the reason why we seperated is becasue she said she needed space to think about us....i mean it seems like since i was letting her know that she shouldnt be out so late whenever she goes out she says she is a grown ass woman and will do what she wants when she wants....and she's been like that ever since she turned 21....but ne way the fact of the matter is that she has been going out alot and she said she wanted some time apart to see if this is where she wants to be...personally i think its a front simply to say that she prefers going out and drinking then having a b/f i dunno you think she would grow out of it and how long do you think it will stay with her....i mean seriously speaking i do anything and everything for her, she never graduated school, she doesnt have a license, and her job sucks and barely makes anything, and also she wants things that she cant really afford.....and im always here for her, driving her and back to and from work, trying to help her finish school so she can at least get a G.E.D, talking about her future...and she doesnt appreciate it...she says she does just doesnt show it....and im like so deep in love with this girl its ridiculous...and another thing I see lately is that she has been making smart ass comments she would never say...like oh he's cute and oh he's y and i think she doest this on purpose...cause she acts like a little middle schooler about guys when im around trying to spend time with her....i dunno guys im just so mad in love with this gurl and need her badly....i didnt go to college, moved out of my parents place and gave up pretty much on a easy life...just to live with her when she wanted me too....now my family took away my tuition, disowned me and im tryin to make it on my own, while i left her house...how can i show her how much i love her.....and somewhat make her fall back in love with me...i know its not easy and i know you cant make anyone fall in love with you...but seriously i put alot of time and effort...most of the problems is me and my insecurity about her out with a bunch of guys...i mean its only natural to feel that way a little bit right? but yea its mainly lack of communication and misunderstaning one another and my insercuirty...what the hell do i do..im so lost. :(

[eightball61]

Hello again :)

I have read through this post twice and yet again I see no change and my thoughts are still the same as they were before. I know you are confused and feeling down and thats because of what has happened and you both being on brake. Being on a brake can make things difficult because it leave you wondering what will happen what she is out having her free & fun time.

Please pardon my negativeness here but I really think you are stupid for allowing this girl to continue to play you like this. I know its hard and words are easier than actions but if you want to seek more healing and gain less confusion and more happiness then you aren't going to get it here.

As you see all the things have been adding up since she turned 21. She she first turned her attitude turn around, then she wanted to have more fun out, then she turns attitude to you, and a brake happen. All this together just shows she is not ready to settle. This may have not been easy for her but this is her choice and is taken. The only big problem that I see is that she has you hanging on with hope when she may have doubful feelings. I am not going to tell you what to do but I did state my thoughts. Its hard but there are ways like stated to help through this.

[xxsirvtecxx]

Well you may think she's playin me, but really man she isnt alot of the problems like i said was my insecurity issue...shes no the type of girl that would cheat on me, but i mean its only natural for a man to talk to a woman at the bar...and that always rendered in the back of my mind....when it shouldnt have..and i mean it really hurts man, i dont understand why all the decent fellas out there are treated like shit while the ones that should be treated like that are the ones that treat their gurl like a trophy/ or just use them for ...im in no ways like that to her...seems like she needs a thug....and not a man....but i dunno man, i just feel like crap...all the people said the same thing to me, she's acts the way she acts to me right now cause she knows im not going anywhere...but in reality...she's the one thats going to regret that shit and the one feeling the pain when im not there anymore...i dont think after you breakup you would be freinds...usually thats the hardest part of a relationship is just to be referred as friends....knowing you spent your most kept secrets and been intimate with that person...i just cant sleep anymore, not eating right....and the only thing that has been taking my mind off of her is me working out and lifting weights.......which i just may go do after work....i dunno eight man...i just need someone to talk to on a one on one basis to let them know how i feel about her....cause everytime i try to tell her how i feel or what i want in our relationship it always comes out wrong or im too overwhelmed to see her to remember what i wanted to tell her.......ya know what i mean? :(

[eightball61]

Well you may think she's playin me, but really man she isnt alot of the problems like i said was my insecurity issue...shes no the type of girl that would cheat on me,


So are you both together or aren't you? You stated that you are on a break...

If you are on a break then her meeting men is not cheating. This has nothing to do with insecurities. The issue I see lies as she is taking a brake from you so she can go out one more time and enjoy life. What she does durning this period is her choice and is not cheating. If you both were on a brake to repair the relationship then I would think different but that isn't the case. She is now 21 and seeking her indepence on being a "big girl" (as you qouted). I pointed this out with her changing attitudes and from what she has told you.

You need to open you eyes some and see what we see. She is on a brake to experience life and see what she wants to live for and wants. This picture has been clearly addressed with you topics and if I was to tun out wrong on this one(which we may never know) then I will just become a priest and stay out of relatioships.

[Tornb4]

Sorry but I’m a lady and I’ll be 21 in 9 months and I know when I run 21 I will make sure I’m not with anyone. I know I might meet someone and the bar for first times is great! For a girl, Girls love attention… In a bar everyone is drunk and all men are there for one reason right…….? Also I don’t think this has anything to do with your insecurity issues. I was with a guy for 5 years, I’ve never gotten my licenses either I have a job and never graduated High School either. Well while I was him, I never cheated on him or anything I was always good to him, till I just got sick of the same old arguing, well he changed and it was like we switched personalities. I cheated on him and even though I wasn’t old enough I was going to bars and parties all the time with the new friends I found. I’m not saying this is what she’s doing. But don’t think of her as any type of angel. Everyone has a bad side, Yeah she’ll grow out of it when she thinks it’s her time. Yeah she will regret everything. You know if I could tell my fiancé how sorry I was and if he gave me one more chance I would absolutely change everything, that I would be willing to never to go to another party or to a bar with out him. You know what I won’t ever be able to he will never talk to me again he was in love with me just you are with her…. He disappeared...
I also think that if you love her and you should just tell her what you want and if it doesn’t happen just strong and put your foot down. Just say ok I’m done your not dragging me along anymore…. Go back to your parents explain what happened, Go back to school, and don’t worry about women until you get done with school. If I was in your shoes and knew that girls could be so two faced I wouldn’t even waste my time on the heart ache. Girls are hard to figure out. You know that right…. The only reason I was such a good girl when I met my ex-fiancé in was in high school, I was starting my 10 Th grade and going through an apprenticeship program to be a Certified Nursing Assistant.
I was always volunteering for everything. I had a job and was on my way to getting my licenses. Well I graduated my class at the Tech. College but not high school. I dropped
Out. The only reason I changed is because he stress out so much I was so in love with him and he would cheat on me with my friends and just everyone. I just went crazy for a while. Than I think all that just changed me cuz I’m not a little sweet girl anymore like I used to be. All I’m saying is women, girls whatever, are alot worse than you think they are…. Sorry just my opinion on my situation thought it might help if you can understand…… I’m a little tired so… Just read and felt bad because after he treated me so bad I left and he realized what he was doing and change, but at the wrong time….
I don’t want to see anyone else go through what I put him through and also what he put me through...

[Rich]

I think that you need to tell this girl that you love her but that you see that she needs to grow still. To see what the world is all about.

You can also tell her, if you feel like it, that you'll be there if she wants you back. Or you can say that you might or might not be there as you'll be living as well.

Your GF wants to experience freedom and adulthood and you should let her. And I mean totally let her.

STOP SUPPORTING HER!!!! Let her see what it takes to get her life in order. Let her not pay her bills. Let her see what it feels like to not have transportation.

Basically what I'm saying is to let her be an adult on all levels. She just can't pick and choose on where and when that she wants to act like an adult. Let her do it all.

Believe me, it'll help your relationship either way.

Rich

[MissCheivious]

Eightball is right, this girl is playing you. Take it from a woman who was with a man who was five years older than her when she turned 21! 21 is a weird age for women. You have this whole new world that opens up. Drinking, clubs, independece and I hate to say it but, when you're that age, you're legal to do just about anything and you don't always feel the need to have a man around. I'm not saying she was using you to buy her liquor or anything but when you turn 21, you realize that you're an adult and you can make your own choices. By choices I mean new bars, new friends, new men. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's a natural progress. I don't mean to say that only women go through this because I'm sure men do too but I can only give you the woman's point of view. I did the EXACT same thing to my then b/f when I turned 21. I told him I was confused and needed space when what I really wanted was anything but him. This may not be her case but more than likely, it is. If you're willing to stick it out with her and wait, go for it but be warned, she's not going to look at you the same way and she'll be different to you as well. Your best bet (and I HATE to say this) is to let her go. She wants to grow up and sometimes that does mean growing away from certain people. Who knows, she might go out and see that it's not all it's cracked up to be and want you back. Stranger things have happened but like I said, this is a pretty typical thing that usually ends up with both people growing apart. Good luck. :)

[xxsirvtecxx]

just thinking everything over...and you know what i shouldn't stress as much as i say i am...all this is not good to my health...but its prolly cause this gurl has been there and back through the thick and the thin...i dunno, im just confused...and lost...and just trying my best to take my mind off this relationship..im just going to need to stop saying where i went wrong and stop blaming myself about the whole thing...maybe i shouldnt of never told my family im moving out...and what not...and to make it clear my parents disowned me...my stepdad and my mom....she listens to what ever he says...so it sucks to be in my predicament.....im going to have to just find a place of my own and work my ass off.....i just hate the fact that the one thing i thought i was doing right in life turned out to be a mistake.....hopefully she can prove me wrong by making things better....but that may never happen. :(

[eightball61]

but its prolly cause this gurl has been there and back through the thick and the thin


Right, and thats why you keep thinking back to this and hoping for better to come out of this. MY goal is not to be mean to you but to point out what her intentions are so you dont get hurt anymore than you allready are. You are in a tough situation and its only going to get better if you accept the reality and move on with things.

Remember, she is the one that broke it off for a break and lost out on a great guy. To her though this is something she wants and to her is the right decision. There is no wrong answer here and to her this is the right thing to do. You both been together for a while now and now that she is 21 and sees a whole new world to explore. Its sad you can't be part of it but she wants to venture it herself because she is not ready yet. Maybe you will see one day why she took this course but you shouldn't wait for her. You have your life to explore the different options like she is. The world is a wonderful place and you shouldn't lose out to it....so explore it :D




im just going to need to stop saying where i went wrong and stop blaming myself about the whole thing...maybe i shouldnt of never told my family im moving out... :(


This is the kind of thinking I am trying to get you too but because you stop blaming yourself doesn't mean to look for other things to blame. There is a bright side to this and that is its better off she did it this way than go behind your back. She was honest from what I gathered about this whole thing. I just wish she was more truethful rather than saying she just wants a break.

Just go out with this kind of energy you put in this last post and explore the new things. Try to regain what you lost out of the relationship and pick up some old hobbies again. Work if you like but dont over do it. Leave some play time inbetween and even call up some old buddies.

Try this and see what happens..

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea, really i do need to start going out more, just going to be weird cause i havent gone out in so long...i mean its been a super long time since i decided to go out and just kick it to just kick it...but i mean i gotta do stuff to take my mind off of her...and she says she wants time....well she can have all the time she wants...im not waiting for her to screw up and call me...yea that sounds shallow but hey shes the one who asked for a break am i right..i shouldnt feel anymore remorse than i have right now...i dont mean to sound crude but hey like she told me i brought it upon myself for this to happen and well whatever she does she brought it upon herself...everyone is in control of their own destiny....but it also helps to have a significant other to help you out on the way...but hey sometimes you go on that journey alone...and thats what im going to have to do in the mean time....just be me and nothing more or less....gotta live life to the fullest....im feeling a little better...but like its hard for anyone to just give up and let go.....i dunno...just weird....just gotta get through this heh... :cool:

[eightball61]

Just keep it up in that path..Even though you feel better now your mood can easily change. Just stay on target with goals and evetually you will notice those moods to die down.

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea lets only hope for the best in me

[eightball61]

Lets keep that positive hope together and lets move on to more positive things you should be looking at for yourself. I am not telling you to completely forget about her but you need to do things for yourself like she is.

[xxsirvtecxx]

tru dat homie tru dat..

[Tornb4]

Hey Pimpn keep ya head up,

Aight Soldier :)

If you wanna Holla at cha girl sometime, on yahoo....
ur2bewitme, Or aol..... Shanti863......

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea im trying....its hard but hey...life isnt easy right..heh..im tryin to be strong

[eightball61]

yea im trying....its hard but hey...life isnt easy right..heh..im tryin to be strong

I never said its going to be easy but as time passes then you will notice things getting a bit better. Talk to us anytime but try to do things that will not make you think of her. That all together will be hard but when the brain sorts it all out and accepts what happen then you will be fine and able to move on.

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea wish it would happen alot faster...emotions are mixed now...but still tryin to take my mind off her.

[eightball61]

yea wish it would happen alot faster...emotions are mixed now...but still tryin to take my mind off her.



Its natural but just hang it there bug guy...we all have gone through and been able to get through it....so stay strong.

[xxsirvtecxx]

will do homie :cool:

[eightball61]

will do homie :cool:

Word dawg;)

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea..spent some more time yesterday with and worked out wit her....she seems like a totally diff person now...quiet.....to herself about everything...and doesnt even conversate....i dunno about her...just acting weird like, i think she doesnt feel comfortable around me anymore....i dunno, tryin to talk to her doesnt help cause she says nothings wrong....weird.......... :confused:

[eightball61]

The confusion will only continue the more you try to talk or even hang with her. You are addicted to her but she isn't to you...what does this tell you?

[xxsirvtecxx]

shes a ....lol...naw j/k yea i know man...just that i dont understand myself why im so into her..i never acted like this about someone or felt this way before...weird

[eightball61]

i never acted like this about someone or felt this way before...weird


Because you never felt this way about anyone and you are into her but you can't wish for something to happen if it can't . You have to see into the reality of things. The reality is that she wants to do things on her own and learn life by how she goes. She wants to be alone for this phase and also wants to have a chance to enjoy being young one more time. We can't control that the only thing we can do is learn to accept it even though it hurts.

[xxsirvtecxx]

yea i hear ya man