No Clue what to do!

[morpheus78]

I dated this woman for 2.5 years. It wasnt the greatest relationship. She would do anything for me and would constantly remind me of this. She was very clingy and dependent though. She never liked me doing anything on my own...it kinda choked me. I would try to talk to her about it, but to no avail. She couldnt stand me doing anything on my own. Because of this i started to push her away...i wanted some space with my friends or just to go fishing one day. I broke up with her and she was a complete wreck, we were together for 3 months. I felt horrible, but i wasnt in love with her. I ended up back with her only to assume the same problems even after talking to her about the break up. I told her I love her, but im not IN LOVE with her and that it probably wont work. We broke up again and she said she was pregnant to get me back. She made false sonogram pics and all. It was completely stressful! My family backed me up and she eventually caved, leaving a scar on her reputation as far and me and my family were concerned. We stopped talking for a period of time and then became friends. Soon we were back in a relationship again...against all the warning from friends and family...i went back. Well...the problems started again...like i thought. I started cheating on her, she started cheating on me...it was a MESS!!! Everytime i would try to break it off with her she would say something to keep me around. She was pregnant again, or im 30 years old and ill never get married if I dont stay with her. You name it she said it! I said enough is enough one day and broke it off. She became frantic and tried to barge into my apartment...i called the police on her. She wasnt allowed near the apartment any longer. Things were quiet for a bit and again...like an idiot..i felt bad that she was upset and started hanging out with her again. After a few months of the untrust we had for each other we were pretty much spent. I wanted to start playing games with my brother at night and she went nuts, saying it cut into her time. We got into a big fight and didnt talk for a week. Everthing was ok. Then one day i was driving to the store and i saw her in a car with another man. I contacted her and said what is this? Turns out she was sleeping with this guy since we stopped talking. I was SO HURT that she jumped right into bed with another guy after a week. This relationship has been HELL!! We have both hurt each other and I thought i would be relieved that it was over....all I have is PAIN. I just dont get it!! She said that shell leave him if I promise to get an apartment and move back in with her, but i dont know. SHe has lied to me so many times. When she says she is home...her car is missing. She comes clean a few days later and says she was with him and is sorry. My family and friends HATE her, and i WANT to hate her, yet i cannot get over this pain! I find myself actually considering moving back in with her!! I dont know why! I just dont know what to do!! HELP!!

[eightball61]

Turns out she was sleeping with this guy since we stopped talking. I was SO HURT that she jumped right into bed with another guy after a week.

How is it you were sooo hurt but then you had to stress that you weren't "IN LOVE" with her?

Sorry but I feel no pain here since you are the only that is being played like a dummy. Right now you're probably the laughing joke at your family's get togethers.

From what I read into this and your past threads you're a needy person. With this type of characteristic this has caused you to go back to her her over and over and cheat on her when things weren't going well. We can "try" to guide you as we have in the past but to be honest we'd be just wasting our breath. If you want to change then only you can make the change. You're the one that is digging you're own grave with this women. Just like you this is who she is and not even marriage nor a baby will ever change that. Do you want to waste your life or go in a direction that makes YOU happy? Only you can go in that direction....Good Luck

[morpheus78]

How is it you were sooo hurt but then you had to stress that you weren't "IN LOVE" with her?

Sorry but I feel no pain here since you are the only that is being played like a dummy. Right now you're probably the laughing joke at your family's get togethers.

From what I read into this and your past threads you're a needy person. With this type of characteristic this has caused you to go back to her her over and over and cheat on her when things weren't going well. We can "try" to guide you as we have in the past but to be honest we'd be just wasting our breath. If you want to change then only you can make the change. You're the one that is digging you're own grave with this women. Just like you this is who she is and not even marriage nor a baby will ever change that. Do you want to waste your life or go in a direction that makes YOU happy? Only you can go in that direction....Good Luck

Thank you Eightball. Always co, but true, are your answers. Im not the laughing stock at family get togethers though....my family is extremely concerned about me with this. Your probably right that I am needy. My emotions are all over the place with this situation. I just need to stop!

[Karma]

Wow @ this mess. Because that's exactly what it is. All I can say is you need to thank God everyday that she wasn't pregnant. & I hope you take measures to make sure that never happens.

Why are people addicted to toxic relationships. Lying, cheating, fighting, the back & forth. How old are you guys? If I was your family I wouldn't even be bothered with this nonsense anymore. You obviously like the drama & God Bless you with it.

I will say this. Toxic relationships hardly ever improve so if you're staying thinking it will, it won't. The best thing to happen to a toxic relationship is the worst thing. I hope for your sake its not jail or worst.

[eightball61]

Thank you Eightball. Always co, but true, are your answers. Im not the laughing stock at family get togethers though....my family is extremely concerned about me with this. Your probably right that I am needy. My emotions are all over the place with this situation. I just need to stop!


I'm sure your not the laughing stock and this was just a bad sense of humor that I've added here. I'm sure they do care however at some point your family will poke fun at you if you keep ignoring thier advice. I know because I can relate as well. You may not take in every piece of thier advise but in a situation like this its best to listen to others because is clear that you can't think for yourself because you keep taking her back.....Then again though in order for you to take thier advise you need to take "control"...See the trend???

[Rich]

You're both F'd up and deserve each other. You're both mentally and emotionally weak, lack self confidence and have no self esteem. Do the world a favor and stay together, just don't have any kids that society will have to support.

It's obvious that you two can't and don't follow or adhere to any type of logic, because logic says to get the hell out and stay out. But you're as messed up mentally as she is.

My recommendation is to go get some type of psychological counseling to understand why you're doing and feeling what you're feeling. This girl and relationship is toxic, yet you're stupid enough and inclined enough to keep going back. No blow job or is THAT good.

Get a life and get some help. You two would not make good parents either, so please do not procreate together.

She's psychotic. You're sad.

[morpheus78]

Ya know i wrote this during a time when i was really very upset. After reading what i wrote over....i can agree with all of the responses. I sound nuts! I actually felt nuts. And I am really lacking in alot of areas, which is probably the cause of all the returns to her. I spoke to a few people who are close to me who I have known me for many many years. They said its not so much me...as the relationship im in that is affecting me. Someone gave me an article to read that goes step by step what happens in abusive/toxic relationships. How a normal person can be broken down to an emotional wreck due to a constant bombardment of negative controls from the person your with. It was extremely elightening as to my situation. It completely explained how I was feeling and why, and what i need to do to move on. I have been following it and am feeling much better and I havent gone back.
So yes Rich...i did need help and i got some. Thanx

If i could delete my initial posting...i would...believe me.

[Karma]

You should not want to delete it. It should be a reminder of what you don't want in your life.

I hope that article helps you to move on with your life. & not put all the blame on her.

You had free will to leave. Every story has 3 sides. I'm sure if she made this post you would be the one @ fault.

BTW what's the name of the article they gave. I'm interested in knowing what it says.

[morpheus78]

You should not want to delete it. It should be a reminder of what you don't want in your life.

I hope that article helps you to move on with your life. & not put all the blame on her.

You had free will to leave. Every story has 3 sides. I'm sure if she made this post you would be the one @ fault.

BTW what's the name of the article they gave. I'm interested in knowing what it says.

Nope...not blaming her totally at all! Im just as much to blame and I should have taken everyone's advice a LONG time ago!

[eightball61]

I would have to disagree and you’re not nuts. Yes, you make stupid decisions but who doesn't? We all make stupid decision in life. Some learn from them and some don't.

In your situation you need to hear the truth about your decisions and this is why you're getting the feedback that you are. You wanting this thread deleted is just another way for you to escape it all and not wanting to hear it....sorta like your relationship with this women. People have told you not to go back and again you ignored it like you are here. We can tell you all day how stupid you'd be to take her back and you can tell us once again you won't but you're mind is easily convinced and while reading this you'll agree but then you'll go right back to where you were. Again, if you want the change then only you can make the change. It's like quitting smoking....You need to adjust your mind to a new routine to get over the urges.

[morpheus78]

It's like quitting smoking....You need to adjust your mind to a new routine to get over the urges.

I have not gone back Eightball. I came VERY close, but I have not gone back. Its a daily battle. One min im so convinced that I have made the right decision...the next im battling myself. Im just trying not to talk to her. Its gotten easier after the first few days. I find that if i do happen to talk to her...i start to feel weak, so I just avoid talking to her if i can and im fine. I try to not think about what she is doing. When she does corner me and talks to me she puts up some fight to get me to see her...even threatens me that shell sleep with another guy if i dont! So...im just trying to AVOID!

[eightball61]

I find that if i do happen to talk to her...i start to feel weak, so I just avoid talking to her if i can and im fine. !

I do realize you haven't got back with her this time but in the past you have. This is my point about changing your routine....When you talk to her you're weak but as you pointed you're trying to avoid and not talking to her. Like quiting smoking it's hard but if have to do it in order to break from the routine. In other words, why do you continue to pick up the phone when she calls? Why don't you get a restraining order so when she does come over you have an order that she has to leave? Contact with her can be avoided but again it's up to you....

[Rich]

People only affect us ONLY IF WE LET THEM. At some point you have to come to understand that this is not right. What she does is not right. The relationship that you're both in isn't supposed to be this way. Any relationship isn't supposed to be this way. And when you realize that, you make a decision (however hard it might be) to get away from, move on and end the relationship. So don't blame her for doing that to you, blame yourself for letting it happen. She is who she is and she'll do her routine with all the guys that she'll be with. You can only control you and your situation, so take responsibility for it, accept and make sure you fix the flwas that caused it to happen.

Additionally, the fact that you get weak when you talk to her means that you TRULY in your heart of hearts don't feel that being away from this girl is the right thing to do. For if you truly feel that you deserve and want more, then there would be no doubts about leaving and staying away from this girl. That it's the RIGHT thing to do for you.

I'm guessing that you don't date that much, that you lack self confidence, self esteem and because you can't feel good about yourself, that you look for others to fill that void for you.

[morpheus78]

Additionally, the fact that you get weak when you talk to her means that you TRULY in your heart of hearts don't feel that being away from this girl is the right thing to do. For if you truly feel that you deserve and want more, then there would be no doubts about leaving and staying away from this girl. That it's the RIGHT thing to do for you.

I'm guessing that you don't date that much, that you lack self confidence, self esteem and because you can't feel good about yourself, that you look for others to fill that void for you.

Thank you for the insight Rich. You guys are a big help. Before i was in this relationship...i did date quite a bit, i had much higher self esteem and i did feel great about myself. Right now though...im exactly how you portray me. This relationship has pretty much broken me down. I am lacking self confidence and self esteem and i dont feel good about myself at all. Im not even a shadow of what i was 2.5 years ago. Im on a roller coaster right now. Literally...I could be feeling great and sure one minute...five minutes later...i could be wishing to talk to her. As time goes on...I become more and more sure of my decision as there is stability. Its when i speak with her that i lose that stability and im back to square one. Like 8ball said...i just need to block all entryways of communication for a time till i get over this...and I will!

[adoodle]

You're both F'd up and deserve each other. You're both mentally and emotionally weak, lack self confidence and have no self esteem. Do the world a favor and stay together, just don't have any kids that society will have to support.

It's obvious that you two can't and don't follow or adhere to any type of logic, because logic says to get the hell out and stay out. But you're as messed up mentally as she is.

My recommendation is to go get some type of psychological counseling to understand why you're doing and feeling what you're feeling. This girl and relationship is toxic, yet you're stupid enough and inclined enough to keep going back. No blow job or is THAT good.

Get a life and get some help. You two would not make good parents either, so please do not procreate together.

She's psychotic. You're sad.

well I happen to agree
but of course I may have used a softer way to say all that... lol

[jenrobsdad]

OMG when I read what she was like it set me back in my chair so hard! I am the way she was to you with my GF. My GF and I have broke up and gotten back together so many times. Maybe you can give me advice on how I can repair the damage what I did to my relationship.

[hmmm]

You told her you wernt 'in love' with her then spent a few lines saying how crazy and nutty she was and you just wanted out..
Then suddently you get back in contact and now are jealous and hurt?!

You need to decide are you wanting to be with her so much because you love her and want to spend all your time hanging out with her, loves how she makes you feel, the things you do together.. Or do you just hate the fact shes moved on and you havent..?

[Helper]

Oh dude, I feel your pain. You dont deserve this. You sound like a really nice guy man, but you made a bad decision.

I really think your relationship has gone down the hill. Its sounds like a house that was on fire and you guys are trying to live in it.

I also think there could be some deeper issues, such as maybe you think you NEED this person. I think you really do need to work on yourself - like getting self-respect (how can someone respect you if you dont respect yourself) and also if you are going to be in a rshp with her set up boundaries. (If she cheats, then its over etc).

But I think your rshp is toxic, and you can and will be much more happier if you left.

Straight up dude, there are alot of great women out there. You tried this one, but its not for you. You need someone better :) and you will get her. But in the mean time, spend time doing other things than chasing skirt or whatever. Work on your hobbies, and dreams dude and also try helping people and going out of your way everyday. Straight up, it helps. Thats why Im here lol but I love it man.

Need some more advice or need to talk, post some more replies. Im happy to hear you out and be some sort of guide lamp.

Good luck man :)