i think im too young for this problem!!

[sarak]

heres the scoop. im 22 and my husband of almost 4 years is 29. everything in our marriage is great other than our life. i always thought it was the men that are always after it, but not in our case! he is only interested every 7-10+ days.. i would like it every 2-4 days. this causes a great dilemma for me.

i have told him over and over that i am not satisfied and think we should work on something that will fix this situation. i have started personal counselling and he said he needs to think about it first before he starts. he said i focus too much on his bad side and dont think about his good side enough. i may be guilty of this, but i told him that its kind of hard for me not to think about this frustrating issue. i told him that i think about every time i go to sleep, that i think about him putting his arms around me and kissing me every time he walks past me. he said that when he was 15-25 thats all he thought about too. well guess what? when he was that age, we weren't married yet so he couldn't have it even though it was on his mind all the time. (we believe in abstinence before marriage). and now here i am, in that ripe age, wanting it all the time, having it available to me whenever i want, but i cant have it!! i told him this, and that i think the shoes im in are worse than when he was in this prime age because i have to go to sleep every night next to my husband and hear him snore while ive got other things on my mind. but when he was going thru that, he didn't have a wife lying next to him so he couldn't have it anyways.

anyhow, i have talked to my friends about it and they say that it is the opposite in their relationships with their husbands. that their hubbys always initiate and they always oblige, even if they would rather be sleeping because they would feel so bad saying no. im the one that initiates in our relationship, and he feels free to tell me no, or groan his disapproval, or whatever other form of rejection. this hurts sooo bad. tonight will mark the 10th night since we've had . this is so frustrating, i need it more than this!

so what are some suggestions?
what can i tell myself when im going through these difficult nights when i initiate, he rejects, and then he falls asleep and im left alone crying silently? how often is 'normal' with other couples?
if you were on a romantic vacation with your spouse for 6 days and 5 nights, about how many times do you think you would have (we had it once on a trip a couple weeks ago.)?

[smackie9]

Just Google your question and there are some great sites that have many explanations
why. What does he need to think about? He's not worried that his marriage is in trouble? It's obvious he is hiding something from you. Read the articles. That at least will give you some better questions to ask him. Maybe that will help him open up more.

[eightball61]

tonight will mark the 10th night since we've had . this is so frustrating, i need it more than this!

This doesn't solve anything but have you thought about the do-it-yourselfer at these low points?


I'm sorry to say though we probably may not be able to help you out much accept for hearing you vent. This internal issue canonly be resolved from within and before you both decide to have kids issues need to be fixed.

Sure in marriage things settle and couples settle to. It's true that life goes down and you find your partner annoying most of the time however those that stay happy in marriage remember why they married there partner. In other words you may not be happy with this but is there anything else that makes you smile at him? If not then you don'tbelong married....


A number of reasons could tell why he is this way and the net will only give you information based on a personal experience rather than whats in your relationship. He should attend counseling too so he can open up to someone. I could fill you in with reasons why he could be acting like this but why give you more to worry about especially if it's not happening in your relationship.

You both married together and need to work on this together. Sure its easier said then done but if this goes ignored then the marriage will end up failing...sory to say

[Rich]

No, at 29 he shouldn't be turned off to if he was totally into you. Was it a shotgun wedding? Do you have kids yet?

In a marriage the price of worrying about paying bills, supporting kids, keeping a job and all of that crap negatively affects the life. Typically this happens more in the upper 30's to low 40's.

Something tells me that you don't interest him anymore. Could be the age difference, who knows.

My honest advice to to try and get him to work with you on repairing the marriage, but if he is not that intersted in doing that, then that should be all the answer that you need to his feelings and respect for you.

I would say to jump ship before you have a kid with him and be "more" stuck. You're only 22, no need to put up with 50, 60 or 70 more years of this crap. A good marriage is two people working TOGETHER to make it happy and long lasting. From what you describe I don't see TWO people doing whatever it takes to make it work.

The answer that you're looking for is within you and I think that you already know what it is. You're just looking for a little moral support to help you out that door and an ease of conscious.

[adoodle]

He could have depression, under a lot of stress, drinking too much, smoking pot or have a serious unerlying problem. First stop should be a physical exam with blood work at his doctors, then go from there.

A friend of mine, now much older, she was 25 at the time, had this problem with her 25 year old husband and he ended up having testicular cancer and he died.

[Helper]

Hey you sound like a normal female with a good drive. I think he really needs to do something about this, because if he doesnt then your going to have to look else where :S and thats going to ruin a marriage.

Talk to him about this.

In the mean time, I really think you need a . I heard the rabbit is really good.

Good luck :)