Just Broke Up and need advice

[Mags123]

Just Broke up.

I was dating my boyfriend for a year and a half but we have been the best of friends for 10 years. I have to admit that I had my doubts about this relationship because in the entire 10 years we knew each other, I never found myself attracted to him even though objectively, I always thought he was really cute. When he did ask me out, I was reluctant and unsure of my feelings. We went out a couple of times and I still did not feel the attraction. Anyhow, knowing what a great guy he was, I decided to jump in with both feet and just see what happens. Well, over a month or so, I did start falling in love with him and felt pretty comfortable in the relationship, however there were never any sparks. I just figured that was normal for two people who knew each other that long. Anyway, 3 months after we started dating I got a 3 month contract to work overseas and took the opportunity. He was livid with me and pulled away saying that we should just break up. I told him I still wanted to be with him and we decided to stay together. Anyhow, almost every time we talked over the phone while I was away, it revolved around him thinking I was cheating on him. Because I could tell he was worried and because I missed him, I flew him over to stay with me for 2 weeks. When he first got there, It was hot and steamy between us. That was probably the only time it was ever hot. Then, while he was there we got into a fight about other things like money etc but we got through it. Anyhow, when I got back to town, things were good and we moved in together but we both noticed things were not normal. I have never been a doting girlfriend and have never really been attracted to guys who need mothering and I do know that through watching my ex-boyfriend’s past relationships, he has always picked girly girls who smothered him and bent over backwards to please him. My ex has said ever since we moved in together I have been pushing him away and been really depressed (putting on weight and being really down all the time). Anyhow, he said he thinks if I really wanted in this relationship, I would have tried harder and not been so distant. Also, for the past month, I haven't slept in bed with him and
I'm not sure why?????? I told him that it was cause he was a kicker and I
needed some sleep but I have to admit, my drive has been non existent. Also, I have neglected to take care of myself and had left all the house cleaning up to him. I am really confused cause I feel like I love him and still want to be with
him but..... then why am I always so depressed and lack luster and uninterested in ? If I was really happy, why would I care about getting attention from other guys? I'm not sure if it is just from lack of self esteem, or if it is the
relationship because I know that I do love him but when we got into a huge
fight the other day, I screamed like a lunatic and told him I would be
happier alone and I was gonna move out!!!! I don’t know what I am doing because now, I regret everything and want to get back together but its like something in him clicked. He said I have put nothing into this relationship and he has been unhappy for a long time and doesn't love me anymore and isn’t even sure if he loved me in the right way at all.
I feel so rejected right now and despite everything, I feel that I'm not ready to give it up yet. So why am I so messed up. Why couldn’t I just be happy?????

Any thoughts????

:confused:

[eightball61]

You had little attraction since the start. You only went out with him because you wanted to see what may happen and this is your answer. You both are just made to be friends. You could try it again after a little break but I am unsure whether if anything will change because when you were gone and came back it was hot for a while and dies off.

Most relationships are hot at the beginning then eventually dies down and I wanted to note that so next relationship you are in you will realize its normal. The love though is whats keeps the bond together. You both were just way to comfortable with eachother and thats probably why things happened the way they did.

You now want him back and that most likely because you feel alone without him. Dont let this be the excuse to go back. You should want to go back to someone because you love them and you BOTH are willing to work on things. IF this is the case then take it slow and see what happens. You both have to wirk together and not sit there and blame eachother for what happened. He has been unsettle since you left and thats not you fault. You left to seek an opportunity. It takes team work but right now you both just need some distance like the way things are set right now.

I am sorry to hear your relationship ended this way but maybe it was for the best...Maybe a friendship is only what was meant to be.

[MissCheivious]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with you. We all have our insecurities and you're no different. I can safely say after reading your post that you love him but you're not "in love" with him. Hence the no drive. It's there, it's just not for him. There's nothing wrong with that expect you two tried to force feelings into something they weren't. He's your best friend and naturally, he was attracted to you. It happens. Sometimes strong friendship between a man and a woman can lead to a good romantic relationship (and that's one of the BEST ways to start) but it can also just be a strong friendship with nothing else. You guys were steamy for a bit because you were apart and that's just natural. You miss what's not there but you know him so well that when he is there, your true feelings show. The best thing I can tell you is that you need to NOT be in a romantic relationship with him. You can't force physical attraction no matter how you try. You've tried faking it and it's made you depressed and withdrawn. If you want to ever have him in your life as a friend again, you need to let this end. I know you'll miss him and you'll even think you made a big mistake but you're not attracted to him and that's not going to change. You might be attracted to him now because you were rejected and that's just your ego talking. I promise you that if you let your ego run you, you're going to end up right back where you started. You said even he noticed you didn't put a thing into your relationship with him. If he noticed, he's hurt and resentful. Let some time pass and then try to just be his friend again. Maybe some things will change between you two and you might be able to have a romantic relationship again. Good luck. :)

[Rich]

IMO you guys gave the bf/gf routine a shot and it didn't work out. Time to move on.

Go back to being friends if that's what you want to do but it's obvious that you're just not meant to be "that way", with each other.

It just sounds like you forced wanting to be his girlfriend. You can't control your heart and when that "spark" appears or not. That spark isn't there with this guy and isn't just going to show up one day.

This was more a relationship of convenience then of true love and romance. Even though i'm all about being practical and having a lot in common, you still need to have passion, romance and good . You do not have that.

Maybe all that you guys were meant to be was good friends? Right now you miss him because he's gone and you've known each other for so many years. Like losing a comfortable pair of jeans.

IMO it's obvious that you both were trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. Let your heart and soul be your guide. He's not meant to be the one to spend the rest of your life with.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com