my heat aches..sumone pleeze HELP

[dsm3992]

Ok this mite b a bit long..I jus really need a solution.
Ok..I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year.and we are made for each other..like really MADE 4 each other..I have never met sumone who makes me happy and keeps me laughing.but then sumthing happened...
Keep in mind were teenagers..17 and 18...ook like maybe 1 month ago he started being distant..he started hanging out and spending more time with his friends and I didn't think anything of it bcuz were young.and who wants to spend allll there time with there boyfriend/girfriend missing out..so I let him
Then wen we did spend time I felt like it wasforced and I was the only one making an effort...then our conversations begin 2 get ackward and weird..so I tried 2 like talk it out
And it seemed 2 b getting better 4 like A DAY
So we have been like up and down as far as bein close and being distant..
Yesterday I went to his house with hopes that we wud come to sum understanding..and it was a disater..he seemed like he didn't want to b bothered or that our problem even phased him which resulted in me crying my eyes out at his house...us not talking it out..and he didn't kiss me or told me he lovedwe wen I left(something that always happens wen we part)

Recently he expressed that he really loves me and wants me 2 b around inthe long run..he's jus scared...so he's like scaring his self away..he also jus iz alwayyysss so busy..and I feel like I don't fit into his life anymore

So later last nite he called me and said that he thinks we shud takke a break from each other..he thinks that itwill make him mis me and want 2 come bak and jus go bak 2 normal...so like most..I accepted it because I want 2 respect his wants...but I am broken...I jus don't kno what happened..we were doin our best then he jus started going ina totally diffrent direction...

I wanna kno what I shud do 2 make him want to come bak..like shud I jus go and do my own thing in hopes that he will come for me..shud I keep the relationship close like tits been...
I told him that with this break we can't kiss have any ual relations...jus nothing that goes bak 2 us being together..cuz were not...
Im tryna b strong...but I haven't eatin or slept....I have no appetite..and I can't stop crying...he's jus everything I want ...I don't want nobody else...I kno its meant to be

I jus want him 2 want to come bak 2 me...

Pleeze help

[eightball61]

Almost everyone can relate to you because we've all been there at some point. You're still young but you'll quickly learn that relationships are not as easy as they seem to appear. What you'll need to try to understand here is that he won't be the only one to come and go in yor life. It is heartbreaking but the memories will carry along as your life goes on.

[eightball61]

Continued....


What you also need to realize is that you made an adult decision by not giving up ual favors while you both are on this break. He needs the break for whatever reason so his mind shouldn't be confused more than it already now is.

As for you, even though you don't feel hungry you should still eat something; If you're always tired try going for a walk;and if you have no one to talk to open up your journal to let your emotions flow out. The goal here is even though this is heartbreaking you still need to hang in there and try to take care of yourself too.

Goodluck :)

[dsm3992]

Im not sayin I completly disagree but like why Iz everybody making it seem like first love or young love can't last forever and eventually grow into like marriage...like can our love last iznt it possiblqe??


And thanx soooo much 4 all the other advice...im like slowly tryna jus hope 4 the best

[dsm3992]

Ok....how come ppl always make it seem like there has 2 b many more loves after this...how come first loves don't last....iznt it possible 4 us 2 grow and spend the rest of our lives 2gether??

And thanx 4 everything and taking time out..ill deff try 2 like jus relax about it

[eightball61]

Im not sayin I completly disagree but like why Iz everybody making it seem like first love or young love can't last forever and eventually grow into like marriage...like can our love last iznt it possiblqe??





I'm not trying to make it seem this way because people have been known to make it last forever but it's rare. From experience, I was my wife High School Sweetheart and here we are married today...What you're seeing past though it will take the work from the both of you to make this work. Right now you're trying to make it work while he wants things to back off meaning signs are pointing that this will not work....but it could. I'm not going to bet your hopes but but not shoot them down either so the best thing you can do is to try to keep busy and respect the space he needs.

[Karma]

You're young and like eightball said this will not be your last heartbreak. What you are going thru is a part of growing. Love can be just as joyess as it is painfull.

If you don't remember anything else remeber that I told you one day you'll look back on all of this and laugh, cringe (at the thought you ever even liked him like that), or not even remeber it at all.

Real talk. From his actions its more than likely over. So get your mind right and get a burger while you're at it. The I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying is only hurting yourself. While he's out there enjoying life. Love yourself first and the rest will fall in place.

Good Luck!

[smackie9]

Ok....how come ppl always make it seem like there has 2 b many more loves after this...how come first loves don't last....iznt it possible 4 us 2 grow and spend the rest of our lives 2gether??


What you speak of is a very rare occurrence bc it goes against the laws of human nature. Guys and girls look at relationships very differently, especially young girls and guys. When a girl is in love she is thinking forever, kids, marriage, a guy thinks in the short term, . Guys want to experience many girls/relationships as they can before any of that stuff. That is the way they are made, and you can't change that.

Being so young you think in the here and now. As you get older, you will realize we change. What we like in a person, interests, etc all changes. So what you see in him now may suit you but when you hit drinking age you will think very differently and realize that independence, being an adult and the choices you will have will be better than this dude you are crying over. Basically when you look back on this you will be saying, what the hell was I thinking?

[dsm3992]

Thanx a lot
I totally understand wat ur sayin....
Its like wen I went into this I had the "this iznt going to last forever"mind set but wen u really start 2 get caught up and fall for someone yu want so bad 4 it 2 last...but I guess

I think that I am like thee most effective as far as getting to his emotional side and him becoming like attached 2 me...lets jus say I think im the one who reached his heartand in the begining of the relationship we were more friends b4 we were able 2 bring in the relationship aspect of things...
So like I think that over time he really has become a good friend if anything to me...so if I have hope of anything iz it unrealistic 2 have hope that we can stay and remain good friends after this??

I think that in a weird way that if we were 2 break up and remain close as friends we will still have a better chance of reuniting as a couple in the end....iz that weird??....or iz that like a positive out look on the situation??

[smackie9]

No that's just hopefulness in the here and now. Like I said as time goes on you both will change and lose interest. That's called moving on. He is not and never will be, the be all, end all of bfs. He will be nothing but a faded memory to you, assure you......that is life and how it works. Your taste in guys will change as you get older...trust me. I have met up with lost loves years later and guess what.....there's nothing there anymore. The feeling in totally gone.

[dsm3992]

I mean I respect ur opinion...can't say I stand by it 100 percent...I jus think if u love sumbody u shudnt jus walk away that easily...I mean yeah were young...but jus bcuz im young doesn't mean I shud jus go from boy 2 boy bcuz that's "nature" and I shud expect 4 it too not last...im not sayin im gonna hang on 2 him 4 ever....but I think time will tell and I shud atleast try 2 stick it out 4 a lil bit and if he genuinly doesn't feel the same or want 2 come bak then I will began my proocess of moving on...and trying out new people...


Mean while I do thing I need 2 focus on myself more..and try to see the bigger picture instead of only having tunnel vision...and its all a learning process....

So thanx and ill deff keep yu guys updated on how things happen...or if I jus need more advice

[eightball61]

So thanx and ill deff keep yu guys updated on how things happen...or if I jus need more advice


Please do & take care :)

[Rich]

People always say that first loves never work out because THEY ALMOST ALWAYS NEVER DO.

You weren't destined to marry and spend the rest of your life with the first person that you dated.

Your BF met another girl and/or wants to date other girls. I recommend that you go date other guys.

[dsm3992]

Everyone iz saying jus get over it and move on like its EASY...this iz one f the hardest things that I've had to deal with ever...

I have been with him 4 over a year...like he's the only thing I knew....he was always there helping and jus there 2 talk and keep me comforted wenever I needed..and now he's jus GONE...GONE completly oout my life....no text...no talk...no hangin out..everything I knew that made me happy...iz jus gone...like I am dying bcuz I jus want 2 tell him how much Iove him and I can't....

Its jus like everything iz workin against me...how can u jus leave sumone that yu have been with and yall shared everything and all kinds of promises and talks...and now he's jus gonna go and give it all 2 sumone else....

Wtf am I supposed 2 do....moving on iz not an option bcuz im gonna have 2 do that anyway...but I wud like 2 kno if I was the best he had and we were close and I reached him....there's no chance that he will come bak??...he's not gonna miss me??...he's jus gonna move on to the next like none of this ever happened??.....

I jus can't even believe all this jus ended like.......yyyyyyy iz it soooo hard 4 boyz 2 jus find wat they like and hold on to it....

Now im gonna b all sceptical about who I let in if I even let sumone in...I can't even see myself gettin in this deep with anyone else....

And...in this situation...wat makes it even worse iz that there iznt anything I can do about it...at all....jus nuffin....I jus have 2 sit bak and respect wat he wants and watch him go off into happiness with sumone else......

My heart iz crushed.....
This hurts soooooooo baddddd!!!!!!!!!

[smackie9]

Sorry that you are so hurt. You are not the only one who had to go through such a loss. We all did. I remember when I did, more than once, but I learned that it's not the end of the world. You will heal in time, trust me. And yes there will be someone who will make him nothing but a distant memory. It's hard to believe bc this is your first time, and you don't know what the future holds. You are grieving, just like dealing with a death, but instead you are grieving the death of a relationship. This will take time. The hurt does go away, you will get back on your feet.

Making a guy your whole world is a fatal mistake. It can wear down a relationship in no time. What I have found that what sustains a long lasting relationship is independence. Having a life outside the relationship, like doing things with other people, friends, coworkers, and family. Some distance does make the heart grow fonder and makes the attraction stronger. All this is a learning process. So grieve, cry on a friend's shoulder, let it all go. It may seem impossible bc you are so tangled up in your emotions, but just hang in there, this will not last forever.

[dsm3992]

Ok wen I posted my first post..e were officially on a break...then he went from textin me and like stilll keepin in touch to not textin me at all... so of course I was hurt by it..but I didn't text him..the next day I went out by myself and as I came out the store him and two friends were walkin tword the store..he like patted me on the bak and said hey...asked how I was doin and kept it movin...my heart hurted immediatly bcuz it jus seem like he didn't miss me..like he was fine with jus a pat on the bak...I wasn't soi walked away and began 2 cry...he seen me....and I guess pretty much he got fustrated bcuz he doesn't like 2 see me hurt and he said I was taking it "too hard"...so we argued and went bak and forth...and he broke up with me...


The next day I tried not to but I texted him anyway....and he texted 4 a while then left me hangin...I proceeded the next morning to cadll him and jus ask him 2 straight up tell me if its sumone else or like wats goin on..he got fustrated again and said that he already told me...he's not seeing anyone else there's nobody else...he jus wants his own space rite now...he needs time 2 think to see if this iz wat he really wants...he said that he keeps tellin me that and im not letting him take the space he needs bcuz I keep calling and textin and popping up...he said im persistant which iznt a ad thing but he said im trying to make myseqlf known so he won't forget about me and I was never forgotten....


So I cried in his ear told him I got the message....cried a little bit more...then I jus decided 2 take all the advice I've been givin and jus LEAVE HIM ALONE like he wants to b left alone....so ii deleted my myspace...and I vowed 2 jus not call him or text him since he wants his space...


Im still in love with him and it will probably take 4 ever to ge over himm....and if he was to come bak I wud more than likely welcome it...but at the same time....im pretty sure he's not home depressed about me and if he iz..he shudnthave let it go....so im jus gonna relax and let future opportunities come as they come.....

I realized I KNO I was the best girlfriend he ever had...I gave him my best and if he can't see or appreciate that...then its his lost....im pretty sure sumbody will come along if that sumbody iz not him....and I kno for a fact im not forgotten...I don't think he can jus forget about me..which iz good on my part....so I didn't plan on talkin to him 4 a while...I said I wud jus let em be and give him wat he's askin 4


..and....he texted me yesterday morning....lol....to talk 2 me..and I asked y he was texting me...he said bcuz he was thinkin of me.....then he texted me again b4 he went to sleep and we were talkin andhe was telling me he was jus doin a lot of thinkin and he was tellin me his grandmother(who he lives with)..misses me a lot..and that made me feel good cuz I kno I atleast had a positive impact on his familly as well...and we were talkin...and im jus keepin itmutual..not bringin "us" up in the conversations...jus letting them happen...and im still not texting him he jus keeps texting me......


So does this means he iz thinkin about me and actually misses me??....did I do good?? By not textin him and not breakin down wen he texted me??

Im not getting my hopes up...I have 2 other offers that im exploring rite now=)..not jumpin in...but jus exploring....im nowhere near ready 4 a new relationship..but its nice 2 have sum male attention...and to feel special....but I jus thought I shud tell u guys wats been goin on lately......sooo tell me watcha think

[smackie9]

Don't ever cave into him, you are only hurting yourself more. There is nothing wrong with chillin with a new guy just for the company.....just enjoy your new found freedom. When people get ingored it's natural for them to reach out. If he really misses you, etc he would have told you. Who knows why he needs to keep in touch....just be careful not to get sucked into having with you bc that is probable what he misses most.

[PrincessB]

I was just wondering how you are doing. If you have begun eating or feeling a bit better at all?

Wow! Does first love ever hurt!!! We all know the can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop thinking about him/her of our first time. False hopes of getting back together, rejecting mature advice because the true love you have is "different", and knowing you are destined by a greater power. What fools we feel like and tears we cry when we realize how blind we were to the truth.

I wanted to share a little wisdom and take it as you will.

1) No matter how long you are with the next guy don't ever discount the wisdom of those around you. No love is guaranteed that's why divorce rates are so high and boyfriends come and go. The sooner you realize romeo and juliet was just a story and that fairy tales also have dragons; The better off you'll be. The love you believed you had with this guy from what I can tell in your posts doesn't exist in the real world. The good news is that there is magic in love that is actually SO MUCH BETTER! It just doesn't work the way you're hoping it does.

When in "love" we are often blind to problems in the relationship or red flags that indicate the person is no good for us. That is why they say that "love is blind"! Nobody is immune to it, so don't be too proud to accept that you too can be blinded by love. Read He's Just Not That Into You its a funny book that explores how every woman thinks she's the "exception to the rule" but really isn't.

2) MOVE ON! Life goes on and look at this as a celebration of freedom. Of course it is easier said than done and that doesn't mean sleeping around or seeing tonnes of guys, you are totally right about that. However, there is nothing less attractive than desperation. It totally hurts but the best revenge on a guy that's crushing your heart is to look fabulous and act like you are fine. Of course you probably aren't really feeling fine but being cool about the situation will help you both work it out or move on.

Get active! Don't have a job? Find one that interests you. Can't get hired? Volunteer. Join a pottery class! If that's not your cup of tea then find something that interests you and get involved. When you do meet somebody DO NOT drop a single thing or start skipping out on obligations: That reeks of desperation and there is no y in being desperate.

3) Start being the woman you want to be and don't worry about ever finding a man. As long as you stay true to yourself and dedicate yourself to being fulfilled without a man I can guarantee that the confidence of your independence and security will attract the kind of guy worthy of marriage.

4) Be open to advice even if you don't like it. Alot of times the advice we don't want to take hurts because its true.

5) Never cancel plans for a guy NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HIM!

6) Delete your ex's phone number and avoid any activities he may attend until you are in a place where you don't care anymore. It's easy to be egocentric when you're young but you're not so special that you're the only girl in the world destined to go through life with a bleeding heart. You are totally special in many ways but you're human and although it may take a year, the pain will go away.

7) Don't be afraid to love again and def open yourself to love

8) DO NOT jump into "love" with every new bf. Love is something that doesn't happen right away. True love is something that happens over time and often people mistake love when its really one or a combination of the following: lust, fear of loneliness, convenience, comfort, familiarity, feeling of obligation to the other person, low self-confidence/self-esteem and it is VERY hard to distinguish the difference for yourself.

9) When a guy tells you he needs space or that its over don't fool yourself by thinking he's being cryptic and really so in love with you. He's NOT. Guys are simple creatures that usually mean what they say or say what they mean and will say anything so that they don't have to see you cry

10) Just like Alcoholics and recovering drug addicts you need to get a sponsor! Have a friend that you can text, call, or e-mail anytime you get the urge to call a guy you're trying to get over.

11) When a guy says don't call DON'T!!! Call your sponsor and try to eat something. Even if its not much because looking like hell isn't going to make him miss you or feel sorry for you. He will be relieved to have broken free from such a basket case that should've seen it coming! I like chips or pie and ice cream. Even if its junk try to eat something....I know. Easier said than done.

12) Take some time to remember how totally awesome, gorgeous, and y you are without a guy!!!

13) Don't totally give up on believing in magical love. You will meet your prince charming and when you do it will be real not just a pillow of hopes.


Sorry this is so long but I saw this and you totally took me back to my first break up girl! I hope you don't feel like I've been harsh or cold in this but honesty helps more than candy-coated false hopes. I would tell somebody the same age or older than me the exact same thing, so please don't take it like I'm discounting you because of your age.

[dsm3992]

....thanx 4 thee comments

Were bak 2gether now

Sum may not agree...but its not up 2 them its up 2 me...and nothings impossible...so ill see where this takes me..im extremly happy now...and I didn't have 2 beg and cry 2 get em bak either....

We were only broken up for 3 weeks...

Seems like ppl only give yu the negative effects on the situation...but nobody ever said...that he mite have actualy jus needed sum space 2 his self...and that he cud b feeling the same way about me that I feel about him....jus scared cuz we are yung...but it doesn't matter...cuz like yu guys say...nothings promised....not even the statement that we won't last...


So lets see how long it actually does...ill keep yu guys posted...

[PrincessB]

Good to hear! I hope that all works out for the best. Keep my advice for future reference, but like you, I hope you never need to use it. My sister and her childhood sweetheart broke up for a year and saw other people. They are getting married in two days. Its not that we want to give you the negatives its just that there are few exceptions to what we are stating.

Cheers.

[dsm3992]

Thanx a lot

[smackie9]

I did some reading and they say there's a 3 month grace period for guys to decide to come back. I hope you don't bury this but work on what had happened and prevent him from second guessing your relationship again.

[eightball61]

[QUOTE=dsm3992;39545]

and I didn't have 2 beg and cry 2 get em bak either....


You'll learn as you get older that some guys are not worth the effort. Also, I'd like to add if you used or plan on ever using crying as a source to get someone back it will not solve anything. You will be right back where you were before. You already had your crying phase and lets just hope that was because of heartbreak....



Seems like ppl only give yu the negative effects on the situation...but nobody ever said...that he mite have actualy jus needed sum space 2 his self...

[eightball61]

[QUOTE=dsm3992;39545]

and I didn't have 2 beg and cry 2 get em bak either....


You'll learn as you get older that some guys are not worth the effort. Also, I'd like to add if you used or plan on ever using crying as a source to get someone back it will not solve anything. You will be right back where you were before. You already had your crying phase and lets just hope that was because of heartbreak....



Seems like ppl only give yu the negative effects on the situation...but nobody ever said...that he mite have actualy jus needed sum space 2 his self...


You
reright he may have needed space from the relationship for he might have wanted space to foll around and explore another opportunity that came into his life that you don't know about. Point is the assumptions there so I will call out on it....sorry

[Howard]

13) Don't totally give up on believing in magical love. You will meet your prince charming and when you do it will be real not just a pillow of hopes.


I like this quote^ :)

[smackie9]

he might have wanted space to foll around and explore another opportunity that came into his life that you don't know about.

I was thinkin the samething.......

[eightball61]

I was thinkin the samething.......

I really need to start rereading for errors before i hit reply...

[smackie9]

Google toolbar has spell check.....

[eightball61]

Google toolbar has spell check.....


Too many steps for a dad with so liitle time...lol

[Howard]

7) Don't be afraid to love again and def open yourself to love


Good quote.^:)

[daisy]

I was just wondering how you are doing. If you have begun eating or feeling a bit better at all?

Wow! Does first love ever hurt!!! We all know the can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop thinking about him/her of our first time. False hopes of getting back together, rejecting mature advice because the true love you have is "different", and knowing you are destined by a greater power. What fools we feel like and tears we cry when we realize how blind we were to the truth.

I wanted to share a little wisdom and take it as you will.

1) No matter how long you are with the next guy don't ever discount the wisdom of those around you. No love is guaranteed that's why divorce rates are so high and boyfriends come and go. The sooner you realize romeo and juliet was just a story and that fairy tales also have dragons; The better off you'll be. The love you believed you had with this guy from what I can tell in your posts doesn't exist in the real world. The good news is that there is magic in love that is actually SO MUCH BETTER! It just doesn't work the way you're hoping it does.

When in "love" we are often blind to problems in the relationship or red flags that indicate the person is no good for us. That is why they say that "love is blind"! Nobody is immune to it, so don't be too proud to accept that you too can be blinded by love. Read He's Just Not That Into You its a funny book that explores how every woman thinks she's the "exception to the rule" but really isn't.

2) MOVE ON! Life goes on and look at this as a celebration of freedom. Of course it is easier said than done and that doesn't mean sleeping around or seeing tonnes of guys, you are totally right about that. However, there is nothing less attractive than desperation. It totally hurts but the best revenge on a guy that's crushing your heart is to look fabulous and act like you are fine. Of course you probably aren't really feeling fine but being cool about the situation will help you both work it out or move on.

Get active! Don't have a job? Find one that interests you. Can't get hired? Volunteer. Join a pottery class! If that's not your cup of tea then find something that interests you and get involved. When you do meet somebody DO NOT drop a single thing or start skipping out on obligations: That reeks of desperation and there is no y in being desperate.

3) Start being the woman you want to be and don't worry about ever finding a man. As long as you stay true to yourself and dedicate yourself to being fulfilled without a man I can guarantee that the confidence of your independence and security will attract the kind of guy worthy of marriage.

4) Be open to advice even if you don't like it. Alot of times the advice we don't want to take hurts because its true.

5) Never cancel plans for a guy NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HIM!

6) Delete your ex's phone number and avoid any activities he may attend until you are in a place where you don't care anymore. It's easy to be egocentric when you're young but you're not so special that you're the only girl in the world destined to go through life with a bleeding heart. You are totally special in many ways but you're human and although it may take a year, the pain will go away.

7) Don't be afraid to love again and def open yourself to love

8) DO NOT jump into "love" with every new bf. Love is something that doesn't happen right away. True love is something that happens over time and often people mistake love when its really one or a combination of the following: lust, fear of loneliness, convenience, comfort, familiarity, feeling of obligation to the other person, low self-confidence/self-esteem and it is VERY hard to distinguish the difference for yourself.

9) When a guy tells you he needs space or that its over don't fool yourself by thinking he's being cryptic and really so in love with you. He's NOT. Guys are simple creatures that usually mean what they say or say what they mean and will say anything so that they don't have to see you cry

10) Just like Alcoholics and recovering drug addicts you need to get a sponsor! Have a friend that you can text, call, or e-mail anytime you get the urge to call a guy you're trying to get over.

11) When a guy says don't call DON'T!!! Call your sponsor and try to eat something. Even if its not much because looking like hell isn't going to make him miss you or feel sorry for you. He will be relieved to have broken free from such a basket case that should've seen it coming! I like chips or pie and ice cream. Even if its junk try to eat something....I know. Easier said than done.

12) Take some time to remember how totally awesome, gorgeous, and y you are without a guy!!!

13) Don't totally give up on believing in magical love. You will meet your prince charming and when you do it will be real not just a pillow of hopes.


Sorry this is so long but I saw this and you totally took me back to my first break up girl! I hope you don't feel like I've been harsh or cold in this but honesty helps more than candy-coated false hopes. I would tell somebody the same age or older than me the exact same thing, so please don't take it like I'm discounting you because of your age.

Any advice for a guy chasing after his ex-girlfriend? This sort of sounds identical but I am actually a male trying to stay with my girlfriend, but she isn't sure about things anymore. Please PM me.