What does he want from me?? Please Help! (sorry, really long)

[greeneyedgirl23]

What does he want from me? Guys opinion would be awesome!!!

Hello everyone! This is my first post, I am hoping to get some advice about a friend of mine, and what his intentions are for me.

This guy and i have been best friends since high school (6years now). We have always had a cool relationship. The usual joke around, playful, fun. But we are also really close. He told me that im the best friend he has ever had.

Over the past 4 years, things have changed between us. We have grown very emotionally close to one another. We can talk to eachother like we are unable to talk to other people. The conversations at times seem like we are more gf/bf than best friends. At one point we were talking like 8 times a day. Well, we moved to the same college town and started experiencing new people and our new environment. We were fighting a lot during our first year away from home, but the strange thing was when we would fight, he would still find a way to get around me. Either through friends, or he would call my phone from a blocked number. Everyone teases me and calls him my husband. I just brush it off.

Well It has been a few years since we have moved away. I actually graduated and moved back home. My last year (i graduated last may) in our college town was great. We were spending a lot of time together. We would meet up at the bars, or just go on drives together. Many times i would pick him up after he was home from the bars and take him to get something to eat, and we would just talk for hours. If I didnt pick him up, he was still calling me when he got home to talk to me. he would tell me that im such a wonderful girl, with a big heart and that i would be an awesome wife and mother someday. He told me i would be the best teacher ever etc.. But often times, he would tell me about the girls out at the bars that he went home with. Sometimes i would believe him, other times i knew he was full of you know what (trying to make me jealous).

Well, he and i go through fazes where he will get mad at me and not speak to me for a while, i am always hurt and confused by this. He still manages to contact me though. Like I said earlier, he will call me from blocked numbers and just listen to what i am doing. I know it is him because it only happens when he and i fight. The phone calls are usually 2am after the bars close. anyway, we were getting along really well last fall, and i remember at my christmas party we were talking in my room and he told me that he's never going to find a good girl, and just the way he looks in my eyes drives me crazy! I found him with his hand at my waist when we went out, and sometimes holding my hand when we were going on drives and talking.

Not long after we were getting along so well, he got mad at me for no reason. I gave him small gift (nothing major it was a funny book) for his birthday and that night he got all crazy. He threw the book down, dumped beer on it and told me he hated me and i was never his best friend. I didnt understand what was going on so i followed him and tried to understand. He told me that he just needed to get partying out of his system and why couldnt i understand that? I was confused because he and I are friends, and i have never tryed to make him do anything. He said if we were on a playground, he didnt want to play with me right now. it was the wierdest thing. This coming from the guy who is so comfortable with me that he calls me from the shower or the bath. AAAHHH.. He also told me that he felt like he was going through a divorce, and he hoped i never got a divorce. I was crying my eyes out to him trying to understand, but he just needed his space. He said "what do i have to do to make you stop crying"? He said it wasnt me it was him. So i gave him the space he needed for a while.

about a week later he started calling me. One night he saw me talking to some guy in the bars and called me all night (from blocked numbers of course). One time it was like 17 times in a half hour time period and i told him i was turning my phone off that he was going to either talk to me or go to bed. well the next night we hung out he apologized when he saw me. But would never give me an explanation. He didnt want to bring up the past.

We got a long for a few months. spending time together etc. One night i was dropping him off at home at about 3am, he got out of the car and when i was driving away, he was standing there with a huge smile on his face. he called me when i got home and mumbled that he loved me. I said it back. I think he tried to cover it up because he said to me "are you like my sister" ? well we were getting along and hanging out like normal, and then one night he and i were driving and he said it again. This time comparing me to his family. he said he loved them and would do anything for them, and he loved me too. Now, I dont know how to take this?? because 8 days later he shows up drunk at my house after I saw him out that night, and picks a huge fight with me and tells me he hates me.

I dont know what he is doing???!!!! We didnt talk from april until this past november, and i was going insane. The phone calls were still going on even though he was so mad at me. Finally he came around and apologized. I dont know why he got so upset and pushed away again. I told him that he had no reason to do that, because i am the best friend he will ever have and needs to respect me. When we are together things are great. It feels like its more than friendship. We have never made out or crossed that line, but I love him very much. Im even pretty close to his brother. Over the past few months we have been good. He got jealous when i mentioned this guy to him, but nothing came of it anyway.

Right now we are getting along great. We talk often as we usually do, but its so hard when i need more from him. I dont know how he feels because of all of his mixed signals!

He calls me when he is out of town on vacations with the boys, and from the bars, and when he gets home. Does he have more than friend feelings for me?? OR am i reading too much into something that i want??? Any advice would be great!!!!!

Thank you!

[Rich]

You two sound like Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld). lol

Maybe it's at the point where you both want a bit more from each other and are both afraid of being the one the broach the subject for fear of scaring or upsetting the other. Just do it. What have you got to lose? Do you want this relationship to continue the way that it has been?

Sounds like you just need to have a heart to heart talk about your TRUE feelings for each other. Maybe also get the thing out of the way. Seems like you both want it, so why not? Actually it might answer a few questions for both of you one way or the other.

What's wierd is that with all of the long drives and long talks that you two have had.....that the subject of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend never came up. Why is that? Or did it and you both shot it down?

IMO I would corner him, with no alcohol involved and have a heart to heart. Feelings change over time and I'm guessing that he wants to be with you "that way", but just is afraid to broach the subject.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[inquisitive]

IMO I would corner him, with no alcohol involved and have a heart to heart. Feelings change over time and I'm guessing that he wants to be with you "that way", but just is afraid to broach the subject.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

Thats what I got too, that he wants to be with you , but may be afraid that you don't want to be with him.

[eightball61]

I love the cat and mouse game :p



haha just kidding but thats whats happening here. You both are just going through phases of not talking to eachother and other times you both act like nothing ever happened. He is probably afraid to get into a relationship with you and thats why acting like this. If thats the case then he needs to be a man and step up to the plate. On the flipside though, all this is doing is playing headgames on your end.

What needs to happen here is you both need a good talk over coffee or something. You need to express what you want and he should do the same. If you can't get anything solid out of him then move on because it be in the best interest on you end. You dont need these head games over and over. The choice is either he does or he doesn't.

[greeneyedgirl23]

Thank you so much for your replies! I really appreciate it! He and I are getting along really well, he is still calling me and keeping me on the phone for hours! I obviously enjoy talking to him.

Rich- to answer your question, no we have never said that we wanted to be more than friends with each other. The strange thing is though, when he calls me and we have those good conversations, he will tell me that he had gone on a date with this girl, but will describe me, i think he makes it up and it makes me crazy.

Just this past weekend, he told me that he would settle down if he could just find the right girl, then goes on to name everything about my personality, to my morals, to my line of work; teaching,(im subbing until i finish my credential). He tells me that that is the kind of girl he wants to marry. I just get so attached to him.... :rolleyes: :confused: :p

[eightball61]

no we have never said that we wanted to be more than friends with each other.

& that goes to my last post. It seems he is hinting about wanting a girl to settle down. Ofcourse, though he may just consider you more as a friend but you need to share your feelings. Life should be about taking risk and taking the risk on telling him your feelings is not a bad way to to go. If you dont do this then you will end up kicking yourself in the butt down the road to why you have never done that.

[Rich]

Continue the game and turn the tables.

The next time that he starts on that routine of talking about settling down and naming the qualities in a girl that he's looking for (describing you), which you both know that he is doing. What you need to say is.....you know, the person that you're describing is me. The only difference is that you left out liking alot and being good at it!

Then quickly make an excuse to get off the phone, like your dinner is burning or something. Leave him with that thought in his head.


Unless of course you don't want to take the game route. Then what you need to do the next time that he does that, is to simply say, you know, the person that you're describing is me. What is it also about me that you won't come out and ask me to be your girlfriend? Why are you afraid of me like that.

See what he says to that.

Rich

[greeneyedgirl23]

That is a good plan Rich! I would love to play the game back and say that to him, the only problem is, I am a virgin and he knows it! So maybe I can switch up the words a bit and still try to get a reaction out of him!!

Now I need to think of something else clever to say!! ;)

[Rich]

Well, let's think.....

What if you say......." you know, every time that I hear you describing your perfect mate, it's like you're describe me to a tee. The only difference is that you forgot to mention, hot virgin that can't wait to have and can't wait to learn how to please their partner."

Then get off the phone.

:-)

Rich

[eightball61]

In this situation turning the tables may work but you also need to accomplish something while doing it. Maybe, the should be put on hold until you know for sure.

[greeneyedgirl23]

:o

Well, here is a minor update for those interested....

My friend has been putting in more effort latley to spend time with me. He came over to my best girl friends house last friday night and hung out with us for a bit and ended up driving me home because i had some drinks. We had a good night, just catching up with my girlfriend, he hadn't seen her since last summer.

He and I talked for a little while and then I was a little quiet while he was driving. I had this feeling of such contentment beingin his truck with him and I was just in a daze for a minute. It was funny because he asked me why I was so quiet (not normal for me)! I just looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. Its just so wierd, sometimes by the look in his eyes, its like he knows what i am thinking behind that smile.

Well he left that next day for Cancun. He went down with a group of guys for spring break. He asked me if i was going to worry about him or miss him that week. I just smiled at him and told him to make good choices and not to end up in jail. I didn't like the fact that he was going because it's so crazy, but he IS single.

He got back on Friday evening and I didn't expect to hear from him. He called me that night and stopped by my house late that night. It was really shocking to me to see him that night, it was the least thing i had expected. I met him outside (he didnt really want to talk with my roomates boyfriend, cause he gets annoying) and we sat on his tailgate of his truck and talked about his trip and how my week had been.

He told me that he had a good time, but when he goes back, he would like to go as a couple with other couples as well. Then started again testing the waters.... and I dont know how to take this....

We were talking about a friend of ours and how he had gone out with him when he was visiting from out of town. I said, "I wonder why erik doesn't have a girlfriend" and he said, "well when we go out to the bars and talk to girls, he looks at them like they are his best friend, not someone he is trying to get with." I said that i didnt know the difference, and he said "well you and I are best friends, and I can talk to you about everything."
This was confusing to me. I didn't know what he was talking about. He wasn't looking in my eyes as a best friend would, it was different, even as he was saying this to me. I think he likes to see me squirm. So I just smiled and agreed. I really think that sometimes he has to in his own mind, justify he going out of his way to spend time with me. Like he is telling himself that I am just his friend because he can't believe what is happening between us. I know for a fact that he doesn't do this with other girls. I am going insane, and the more time we spend talking or together, i get more confused because we are just at this point where we can't become more involved without "crossing the line".

What do you think?

[Diablo]

What I think is you're about to crash and burn.

[greeneyedgirl23]

care to elaborate diablo? I would like to hear what you have to say!

[eightball61]

Your trying to read him to much and trying to see what his body language is trying to say. You already stated that you never had that talk about being more than just friends with him so if want more to happen then stop trying to read him and have that talk with him. If you don't then you just lose out on the opportunity.

[Rich]

Have you ever, while he was talking to you, just grab him and start kissing him passionately?

Try that and break the ice.

[Diablo]

care to elaborate diablo? I would like to hear what you have to say!


Well, that was probably my cynicism talking more than anything else, but what prompted me to say it is you wrote like you're head over heels in love. That is usually followed by a crash. But not always. I would advise against playing games with him. What usually happens when a couple plays like that is they break up because sooner or later, the game goes too far. My advice to level with him. Tell him you want more than friendship and see what he says. Good luck with it.