Local781
06-15-2009, 04:09 PM
I know I will get all types of negative comments, but maybe someone will write me with sound advice.
I just need feedback, ideas on how to move forward. I am 35 year old man, close to 36. My gf just turned 38.
Been seeing my gf awhile now, we get along great, love each others family, have passion, alot of hot times, affection etc.
Been going for 6 months but have talked about big things down the road, marriage, kids etc....in fact we have not been trying to prevent kids.
I was engaged before, got screwed over, she was married, divorced. Neither of us have kids.
A few months ago I went by her place, was late, she didnt answer the door but there was a car there that was not hers, her friend Brian, which she did say a friend was crashing there because his place was flooded due to broken water heater, I didnt know at the time it was a guy, but guess that didnt matter. Wasnt someone she knew too well, just mutual friends, social group.
I was always a little put off, guys car there, didnt answer door, said she was sleeping..it was late. I never question her about who she hangs out with, etc etc. I also know she is friends with a guy she use to date and FLA and when she goes down there, stays with him, he has a gf etc, I have never been threatened by that or question her about it.
Last Wednesday Night.
Fast forward 4 months, she has not heard from that guy in months as they only see each other socially etc. So on Wed night I did not hear from her much via text and thought it was odd. Then I talked to her on the phone, she was kinda slurred, buzzed and said she was off to bed. I had quite a few drinks in me and I randomly go by there at 12:30, late night, I bang on her window like a ...she didnt answer door....this guys truck was there. I bang on her window...to the point that it breaks!
She calls me a few minutes later, pissed, upset, she woke up when the window broke, explained that Brians gf is sleeping on the couch as she drank, she had his truck. I press her with questions, being a complete jerk.
She was like we will talk about this tomorrow, you either believe me or you dont. ( I didnt ) She was like, I do not even know how we can fix this. I told her to come pick her stuff up in the morning and not to contact me further.
I go off the deep end, I delete her from facebook, etc etc, tell her we are done.
Thursday am.
In the am she texts me, tells me she is coming to get her stuff I say ok. She also asks if we are going to discuss this at all, I said, no, but I left a letter saying what I think.
In the letter I said hey, this sucks that this happened and I really did want big things with you. I also understand that you have been seeing someone and I wish you had discreetly ended the relationship once things had become more serious/exclusive with us. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you find what you are looking for in life.
Friday mid morning.
She texts me, says hey I left your key and got my stuff, I really wish you didnt assume things and also I do love you.
I then called her, we talked for awhile.
She doesnt plead with me, she was like it sucks that you jump to conclusions. She went on to say, Hey, we are talking about a life together, having a baby, being married, I want you and only you. (we also are very open minded ually - so pretty much everything is on the table) We have talked about having someone join us in the bedroom at some point.
So she trusts me completely, I doubt her.
I love this girl, I am having major trust issues, I want to salvage if possible. I formerly worked in corrections, was also a cop for quite awhile, now work in private business. I also am a survivor of abuse which also lends itself to my trust issues I am sure.
All else, has been great, , affection, closeness, sharing in our dreams together..has not been any bumps in the road as far as that goes, there never seems to be anything aloof when I am around her. I am lost and do not know what to do.
On Friday AM we talked, she asked if I wanted to go to Brad Paisley, which was something she was planning to bring me to as a surprise. I said yes and on the way to the concert I did bring it up again. Like I asked, well what if I want to talk to Brians gf or him about this, I want to get in touch. She said, I dont see the point but if you want to that is ok. She also said, if we cannot get past this, if you dont trust me, how is this going to work? I had suggested, maybe we should take a break, maybe see other people. She then said, that is not what I want, I want to be with you and you only.
Friday night - she stays over, all snuggly, we have etc etc.
Sat am - she goes to work, comes back after, we go out in Boston for dinner, drinks, then back to where I live, go to local bar, couple drinks, dancing, go home then have , snuggle etc.
Sunday (last night), I bring her to meet a couple of my close friends who I told her about before, but has not met yet, she seems very excited, it goes well etc.
We go food shopping, make dinner, watch movies, including her favorite movie, the Notebook, we cry, snuggle etc, off to bed, have , wake up this morning, have etc....all is normal and is how it has always been.
I just need feedback, ideas on how to move forward. I am 35 year old man, close to 36. My gf just turned 38.
Been seeing my gf awhile now, we get along great, love each others family, have passion, alot of hot times, affection etc.
Been going for 6 months but have talked about big things down the road, marriage, kids etc....in fact we have not been trying to prevent kids.
I was engaged before, got screwed over, she was married, divorced. Neither of us have kids.
A few months ago I went by her place, was late, she didnt answer the door but there was a car there that was not hers, her friend Brian, which she did say a friend was crashing there because his place was flooded due to broken water heater, I didnt know at the time it was a guy, but guess that didnt matter. Wasnt someone she knew too well, just mutual friends, social group.
I was always a little put off, guys car there, didnt answer door, said she was sleeping..it was late. I never question her about who she hangs out with, etc etc. I also know she is friends with a guy she use to date and FLA and when she goes down there, stays with him, he has a gf etc, I have never been threatened by that or question her about it.
Last Wednesday Night.
Fast forward 4 months, she has not heard from that guy in months as they only see each other socially etc. So on Wed night I did not hear from her much via text and thought it was odd. Then I talked to her on the phone, she was kinda slurred, buzzed and said she was off to bed. I had quite a few drinks in me and I randomly go by there at 12:30, late night, I bang on her window like a ...she didnt answer door....this guys truck was there. I bang on her window...to the point that it breaks!
She calls me a few minutes later, pissed, upset, she woke up when the window broke, explained that Brians gf is sleeping on the couch as she drank, she had his truck. I press her with questions, being a complete jerk.
She was like we will talk about this tomorrow, you either believe me or you dont. ( I didnt ) She was like, I do not even know how we can fix this. I told her to come pick her stuff up in the morning and not to contact me further.
I go off the deep end, I delete her from facebook, etc etc, tell her we are done.
Thursday am.
In the am she texts me, tells me she is coming to get her stuff I say ok. She also asks if we are going to discuss this at all, I said, no, but I left a letter saying what I think.
In the letter I said hey, this sucks that this happened and I really did want big things with you. I also understand that you have been seeing someone and I wish you had discreetly ended the relationship once things had become more serious/exclusive with us. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you find what you are looking for in life.
Friday mid morning.
She texts me, says hey I left your key and got my stuff, I really wish you didnt assume things and also I do love you.
I then called her, we talked for awhile.
She doesnt plead with me, she was like it sucks that you jump to conclusions. She went on to say, Hey, we are talking about a life together, having a baby, being married, I want you and only you. (we also are very open minded ually - so pretty much everything is on the table) We have talked about having someone join us in the bedroom at some point.
So she trusts me completely, I doubt her.
I love this girl, I am having major trust issues, I want to salvage if possible. I formerly worked in corrections, was also a cop for quite awhile, now work in private business. I also am a survivor of abuse which also lends itself to my trust issues I am sure.
All else, has been great, , affection, closeness, sharing in our dreams together..has not been any bumps in the road as far as that goes, there never seems to be anything aloof when I am around her. I am lost and do not know what to do.
On Friday AM we talked, she asked if I wanted to go to Brad Paisley, which was something she was planning to bring me to as a surprise. I said yes and on the way to the concert I did bring it up again. Like I asked, well what if I want to talk to Brians gf or him about this, I want to get in touch. She said, I dont see the point but if you want to that is ok. She also said, if we cannot get past this, if you dont trust me, how is this going to work? I had suggested, maybe we should take a break, maybe see other people. She then said, that is not what I want, I want to be with you and you only.
Friday night - she stays over, all snuggly, we have etc etc.
Sat am - she goes to work, comes back after, we go out in Boston for dinner, drinks, then back to where I live, go to local bar, couple drinks, dancing, go home then have , snuggle etc.
Sunday (last night), I bring her to meet a couple of my close friends who I told her about before, but has not met yet, she seems very excited, it goes well etc.
We go food shopping, make dinner, watch movies, including her favorite movie, the Notebook, we cry, snuggle etc, off to bed, have , wake up this morning, have etc....all is normal and is how it has always been.